Bragging on Him

I wish I documented better how God has been providing for us all these years. On Christmas day, we spent lunch with the homeless on Hemphill rd. and since then, we've been eating with them every other Saturdays. The week right after Christmas, God provided this set of 1200 bucks worth of cast iron pots and pans from our neighbors for me to cook more and better! I didn't even really think about it till this morning when I cooked all 5 boxes of macaronis in one pot. I realized His provisions of details and non details. I gotta finish cooking the ground beef now.

Learning about myself

I've been reading so many books on how to be a better follower of Christ, wife, and mother since Abigail and Isaac started taking naps in the bunk bed. Don't get me wrong, I loved my naps with them. It's just, I needed personal time to grow and learn. I have discovered so many things about myself and why I am the way I am just from praying and reading these books. I thought I was just learning how to serve and love my kids and I ended up also learning how to be loved and love others. When I first surrendered to Christ, I had a love that overflowed my cup and I knew I was transformed and I was so close to Jesus because I was a baby spiritually. Love came so easy like how all children love. But as I matured and grew as a believer, went through valleys and mountains, it got harder and harder. I knew Jesus' power because I came to know His love when I surrendered. I will never stop seeking to love like He does.

"but to those whom God has called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God. For the foolishness of God is wiser than man's wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man's strength." 1 Cor 1:24-25

God help me learn more and mature more in You so I may serve more and love more for You. I pray that my children and children's children will be blessed because of Your faithfulness. Take away their foolishness and replace with wisdom. Guide us so we may help them mature emotionally and spiritually. Humble us and continue to reveal the truth to us about ourselves. Help us to be transparent to each other and love each other unconditionally. AMEN

BABY KOO #3 ?!?!?!

We have had such a tough time with deciding our third baby's name! We still want meaningful Hebrew old testament first names and new testament middle names.

For a boy, we found these names:

1. Othniel, brother of Caleb who was the first judge of Israel
2. Nehemiah, the politician and royal cupbearer who initiated the rebuilding of the walls of Jerusalem and stood tall with God's favor
3. Jaazaniah, meant one whom God hears, but was a leader of corrupted priests
4. Azariah, Abednego's old name, meant YHWH has helped

For a girl, we have so much trouble finding names, therefore these are actually guys in the old testament:

1. Ezra - a writer who helped with the fortification of the walls of Jerusalem and brought repentance and reformation to the nation of Israel
2. Asriel - a son of Manasseh, son of Joseph

We have yet to come up with good middle names so we're going to decide on a first name before we match them up!

What about our first two children??

Our first born, Abigail (the wise woman who became a wife of King David) is Hebrew and means "joy of her Abba Father"; Elizabeth (Mary's cousin, Jesus' Aunt once removed) is Greek for Hebrew name Elisheva "my God is my oath". We dedicated the book of Proverbs to her. She is to bring joy and glory to God in her life through wisdom, passion, and servanthood.

Our second born, Isaac (son of Abraham who calls God "his Fear") is Hebrew for "he will laugh"; James (half brother of Jesus) is English for Hebrew name Jacob "supplanter". We pray he will rejoice and bring glory to God's kingdom as he learns to become a leader. And of course we dedicated the book of James to him.

We are so excited about our third baby! Its official due date is on the 13th March and I really have no idea if it's a boy or a girl! It sometimes reminds me of how Abigail moved in my tummy, and sometimes reminds me of Isaac, but a lot of times it's just different! Pray that this baby will arrive preferably early and safely! =)

Love, the almost 5 Koo's

How about that

God has been sending me not just one dream but a series of dreams this time. Usually dreams of the same issue would come and go in a course of a month if I needed more than one, but apparently I needed these dreams to be within a week.

We have been praying for God to reveal our family's generational sins and for Him to help us overcome them before we pass them on to our children. Our generational sins are overwhelming and shameful. We pray God will help us overcome them and He has been gracious to reveal them and help us deal with them.

Our problems with in laws, God has revealed is not a sin but a trigger to something bigger. Marital problems. In law problems have been a passed down trigger and insecurity by generations. Every time I deal with fear or insecurity triggered by in law problems, there's dissension, division, and distrust between my hubby and I. It is something that the enemy uses to cause our families to disintegrate. In other words, if I want a wholesome marriage, we need to resolve in-law conflicts. There are tons of other generational sins like lust, malice, dishonesty, alcoholism, greed and gluttony etc. With God in this I believe we will overcome.

So with FOCA coming up on the 21-22 Jan, I still don't get it. This law will FORCE ALL hospitals to perform abortion! People should get their choices, yes, but what about these people who chose to open Catholic, Methodist, Christian hospitals and work in them because that's what they believe in?!?!?!? Shouldn't they get to choose? There's so many other clinics, hospitals, doctors, who would perform abortions for blood money! Why go to a place and why force a place with religious convictions to perform the murder of babies?!?! That's just so wrong. AND, don't even get me started with the so called "fairness doctrine". This doctrine will again FORCE radio and TV stations with religious and conservative convictions to broadcast the equal amount of liberal political messages!!! So if we broadcast Focus on the family for one hour, we will have to hear Nancy Pelosi preach for another hour or something! This is just ridiculous. That's why we have over thousands of channels to choose from!! So we can hear and watch what we CHOOSE to hear and watch. That's like saying if we broadcast Veggietales in English for one hour, we'd have to broadcast Veggietales in Spanish for the next hour!!!!! ARGH!!!! Then, there's the ENDA. A cunning tool to get everyone who stands by their beliefs fired, sued, and jailed.

God I am so perplexed at the world. I am homesick! I'd rather be "absent in the body and present with the Lord." Let us see some light in the darkness. God, let Your will be done. No matter what happens, You are still sovereign and in control. Give us patience and perseverance. Help us raise up a generation who will overcome and be courageous. Let our children and our children's chidlren be set apart and give them Your passion for Your people. Guide me to become the wise woman that You want me to be. I continue to ask for mentors, other wise women, and accountability partners in my life that You will speak through and teach me. Humble me and strengthen me. Help me love through Your Son. Help me see through Your eyes. AMEN.

More Info:
FOCA
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Freedom_of_Choice_Act
Fairness Doctrine
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fairness_doctrine
ENDA
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Employment_Non-Discrimination_Act

Thought I'd blog before 2009

So I've finally decided the reason behind my huge pregnancy belly is due to my already stretched out uterus. I am in my 3rd trimester and the baby is still moving like it has a lot of room! It is supposed to feel a bit constricted by now but it isn't. So either I am having a small baby, which I would really really appreciate but doubt we ever will, or my uterus is just extra large!

Anyway, it's been very nice having Phill around for 2 weeks. The kids love him and I have slept in so many days!!! My husband is the best and most godly man I have ever met. He is not perfect and has made many many mistakes but he is humble and willing to do anything to be in God's will. He is quite forgetful but sensitive and diligent. He tries hard and works hard. I know God has great plans for him and our family. Phill and I are both under transformation by God all the time and it's okay. We are in it together and that's what's keeps us so transparent and intimate with each other.

For Christmas, we bombarded our children with the birth of Christ. Books, programs, CDs, DVDs, .. you name it we did it. Abigail has so much excitement about Jesus and His birth. She loves to talk about the angel Gabriel, Mary, Joseph and baby Jesus. She talks about the name Immanuel - God with us and loves how the shepherds and magis were excited about Jesus when they worshiped Him. Our hearts fill with passion and excitement to see how God is filling her with His love and His word. The Lord definitely has shown us that His words never return void when we are faithful to keep Him in our lives. We cooked and ate with some random homeless people down McCart Ave. on Christmas day. I have never done that before and even though I was compassionate and wanted to love them, I didn't really know how to do it. I just watched Phill do it and fed my children. They spoke mostly broken Spanglish and were drunk or drugged. They were extremely hungry and had lots of needs. I explained to Abigail that we needed to show them love because God showed us love and that we were to love them as Jesus has loved us because they don't have Jesus like us. Both Abigail and Isaac were very friendly with the homeless and gave them 5's and ate well. I am allergic to smoke so every time someone came up to talk I had to hold my breath as long as I could. I felt more comfortable with the homeless women. I never feel comfortable when any strange man, homeless or not, decide to talk to me. We feel that the Lord has provided a way for us to love and serve these homeless people. We heard so many street living rules, games and things you have to do to get money stories, they even have homeless gangs. We didn't want our family traditions to be about presents, big holiday meals, and meaningless prayers around the table. We wanted Jesus in all of it.

Lord, You are awesome. You have given us what we need and shown us great mercy. Continue to provide for us and for us to serve others. Help us give when we seemingly can't anymore. Guide us in Your ways and give us the love to love people who we can't love. Do miracles in our lives and let us shine before others for You. AMEN.

Love is tough

So before I blog about love, I wanted to note down that my husband and I had "intensive fellowship" last night about political matters among other stuff that was brought up. I read a lot about politics, not as much as I want to and not as much as my hubby does, and I am a pro-life and pro traditional marriage right wing conservative. I know what I believe in and I know what God teaches and I will support only what is morally sound. I am intolerant in my beliefs and I will stand up for what is right in the sight of God. So will my husband.

Personally, I don't see it as a problem to "legalize" gay unions or abortions. Every human being has a right to make choices. Even if these things are not legalize, people will still choose to live in gay lifestyles or kill their babies. That's their own choice. Truth is, man is not sovereign, God is. A marriage covenant is only valid in the eyes of God and murder is sin. Anyway, reason why we will always vote conservative is not because we are intolerant but because there is a battle for where tax money goes. If we ever voted for someone who use tax money to kill babies, or affirm sexual immorality, or affirm homosexuality, we will be held accountable for who we let into office.

The issue that my husband did convince me of last night, was that it is fine that public schools will use tax money to advance gay agendas and safe sex and all this stuff because it is government school. That's a huge reason why he is in ministry, not paying that tax and why we will never send our kids to government schools. He had a point. Those are government schools.

The point is to get this political fight over with so we are not spending billions just for the fight. I get it.

Anyway, love is tough. I cannot love those I don't love. I realized that. I need God to transform that part of me. I am trying so hard. I am praying and getting help. Truth is, it's too hard for me. God is going to have to do a miracle in my soul and my heart. Growing up in an environment where I failed to bond with anyone had a huge part in my inability to know how to love and accept those who don't reach my "expectations". I have chosen to be a transparent person, and yet, a lot of people just don't love me either because I am weird, blunt, rude, assertive, and "intolerant". I have less than 5 people who truly love me for who I am. I don't know what's going on. I just know God has to reveal it to me. God, help me for I am nothing. You are the One who can transform me and help me because You are the only One who knows me since birth. I don't even know myself enough to help myself. I have no control over this. Please take over and cleanse me. Continue Your work in me. Make me holy and let my life glorify Your name. Help my children deal with our generational sins and give us hope to make our family line holy for You. We want a family with servants and ambassadors of Christ. We dedicate our family to You that You will do glorious things through us and our children and grandchildren. You are our God and our King. AMEN.

Deuteronomy 6:5-9

Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.

So I didn't blog in November

I know I am getting a cold. It's that achy feeling in the neck and oh yeah, the throat. I am 25 weeks pregnant according to the midwives but I still think I am 27 weeks. I have a strange feeling that this baby might come naturally. Let's see what happens. I was a little intimidated about VBAC after getting 2 babies out by knives but I have a renewed sense of courage and excitement about natural birth from God.

God thank You for Your provisions. Thank You for Your grace and mercy on this family. Thank You for Your plans. I pray for our children that You will bless them and keep them. Reveal to me my sins and shortcomings. I pray Your victory and Your control over my fears, sins, and incapabilities. Help us raise our children in Your word, Your eyes, Your guidance, Your wisdom, and Your character. We can't do it on our own. Teach them through us. Give them passion to love You and serve You. Dig deep into their hearts and cleanse them with Your righteousness. Keep them pure in their actions, thoughts, and intentions. Capture their hearts for us and through us. AMEN.

"On matters of style, swim with the current. On matters of principle, stand like a rock."

— President Thomas Jefferson

For the eyes of the Lord run to and fro throughout the whole earth to show himself strong in the behalf of them whose heart is perfect [at peace with or loyal] toward him….

—II Chronicles 16:9 KJV

And WHAT occasion is THIS?

My husband came home from class and we came up with something that seriously made lots of sense. We hate halloween and will never capitalize it, celebrate it or let our kids give or get candies or dress up for it and we have tons of reasons for it..... But this new reason is awesome!

See, we were trying to figure out why we would disagree with others that "dressing up for halloween is harmless," and my husband asked this great question. "Why are we dressing up?" We dress up to worship God on Sundays to be respectful... we dress up to please our spouse or others to flatter them... we dress up to a graduation or party to congratulate and celebrate... we dress up to a conference or meeting to make an impression... we even dress ourselves in pyjamas for the occasion to sleep restfully. But what are we teaching our kids when we dress up on halloween? Just WHO are we honoring? Why are we dressing up?

When we dress up, decorate, do trick or treats, and go to "boo events", we are teaching our kids that SOMETHING important is going on or SOMEONE is special. Candies, decorations, and outfits, the facade of harmlessness, are just another MARKETING OF EVIL. Parenting is a spiritual battle.

Now WHY in my sane mind, would I ever open my kids and myself up to terror and fear at any "boo events"? I don't know. Growing up not being Christians, my parents let me see horror movies and I've been to the worst of all, halloween horror nights at Islands of Adventures. "Oh it's not real", "just pretend they're in underwear", "why are you such a wimp" ...... even since my childhood, I have known evil is real, and demonic forces are real. I screamed all the way through the Island of Adventures. I was 21 years old. I knew those ghosts and dead people were not real, but I felt demonic presences all around me. So, we would rather teach my kids and myself to stay away from and hate evil, than to teach them to harden their hearts to evil. We are taught by the word of God to guard our hearts and not associate with evil. And on top of it all, why would I go somewhere or do something on purpose to watch and hear my own children cry and scream in fear. That's just a bit sick to me.
PSALM37
PROVERBS 4
EPHESIANS 4
Again, parenting is a spiritual battle and with God's help, we will not falter.

As a mom, I have thought about how they'd miss the fun of dressing up. But how about dressing up on Christmas as someone on the nativity scene and serving at shelters or other places? We hate walking around seeing santas everywhere when we do not celebrate him either. Yet people complain about nativity scenes and menorahs. Why do non Christians always want Christians to be "tolerant" yet they have no tolerance for us and our beliefs?

God you are sovereign. Help us to actively engage ourselves in spiritual battle. Help us to know the schemes of our Enemy. Help our future generations to discern with God's wisdom and love with Christ's love. Help me to be sensitive and discerning. Help us spread Your love one person at a time. God help us all. AMEN.

Lifesong - Casting Crowns

Empty Hands held high
Such Small sacrifice
If not joined with my life
I sing in vain tonight

May the words I say
And the things I do
Make my lifesong sing
Bring a smile to you
Chorus:
Let my lifesong sing to You
Let my lifesong sing to You
I want to sign your name
to the end of this day
Knowing that my heart was true
Let my lifesong sing to You

LORD, I give my life
A Living sacrifice
To reach a world in need
To be your hands and feet

So may the words I say
And the things I do
Make my lifesong sing
Bring a smile to You

Almost bald

Okay, I still have more than a head full of hair. It's just that for the past two days, the combination of horrible sleep and two sick but active toddlers (one with stomach virus and the other teething) and an apartment full of junk to clean is driving me insane! I am totally exhausted and ready to ship myself off to a deserted island for a day,... maybe just an hour. I feel bloated and huge and keep telling everyone that I am 20 months instead of 20 weeks pregnant (not on purpose), but just maybe, I really do feel that way. I have cried out to God while vacuuming and cooking, held back my anger while disciplining, forced myself to hug and kiss my children, and unhook my already extended bra to breathe. We pray for wisdom and patience Lord. Help us capture Abigail and Isaac's hearts for Your kingdom. Give us the love, kindness, and will to discipline them. God, we can't do it. We can't do any of this without Your wisdom and grace. Set them apart for Your glory Lord. AMEN.

Little boy on his knees - Cheri Keaggy

He see's me in the morning,
Lifting him out of bed.
The sun comes with little warning,
A brand new day's ahead.
To the kitchen for some breakfast,
A plate of toasted bread,
A cup of milk just as expected,
Close your eyes and bow your head.

You can thank him for anything you want to,
For the flower's and the trees
And pray,Lord Jesus, make me,
A little boy on my knees.

He's Mommy's little helper.
Learning to comb his hair.
And loves his baby sister,
Though he doesn't always share.
A quarter in the bucket,
A memory verse or two,
Although he may not know it,
He's beginning to follow you.

You can thank him for anything you want to,
For your Daddy and for me.
And pray, Lord Jesus, make me,
A little boy on my knees.

As we teach our Son to serve the Lord, in every way,
Lord the most important thing is this that we now pray,
Lord, we thank you everything you give us, but most importantly,
We pray Lord Jesus, make our Son a little boy on his knees.

Lord we thank you for everything you give us, but most importantly
We pray, Lord Jesus, make our Son,
A little boy on his knees.
We pray that someday he'll become,
A young man on his knees.

Special Guest blogger - my husband

How do you reconcile a loving God with one who punishes the sins of their fathers?

"You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below. You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, but showing love to a thousand {generations} of those who love me and keep my commandments. - Exodus 20:4-6

We must understand that inherited sin brought more than generational sin. First it brought the potential to sin to the next generation, and second it brought a sense of guilt. The guilt, and potential to sin is hard to overcome. But instead of looking at the "punishment of their fathers" reconcile this to the "grace of our Father." You may think I am ignorant of the question therefore I'm changing directions, but I want to proceed and give an indirect approach.

Look at the context of Genesis 15, where God blesses Abraham by telling him he will have a child. Abraham them follows into a deep sleep, and God speaks:

"As the sun was setting, Abram fell into a deep sleep, and a thick and dreadful darkness came over him. Then the LORD said to him, "Know for certain that your descendants will be strangers in a country not their own, and they will be enslaved and mistreated four hundred years. But I will punish the nation they serve as slaves, and afterward they will come out with great possessions. You, however, will go to your fathers in peace and be buried at a good old age. In the fourth generation your descendants will come back here, for the sin of the Amorites has not yet reached its full measure."

In this passage you see the sins of his generation building, but not yet reaching its full. When it is full God will punish these nations, and give Abraham's descendants the land. We will eventually see that Joshua takes the land which will be known as Canaan, a land of Promise. Recognize that this is first and foremost an example of God's grace. God's wrath and punishment is a response to a lack of repentance from the people. From this passage to the beginning of Joshua 200-400 years would have past (depending if you take the Early Date or Late Day theory of Exodus, this is another subject). God has given the people of the land 200-400 years to respond to God's call on them. He will use a patriarchal response through the likes of Isaac, Jacob, and Esau to reach all the lands stretching forth from their wanderings of Ur to the southern depths of Egypt. God in His merciful grace reached out, but ultimately as we all know the people were unresponsive, and we see godless generations that fail to see God's grace. But we do know someone responded. Her name is Rahab. She responded, and thus God used her and later fulfilled a promise through her; David her offspring, and Jesus, the son of God. This is grace (the whole world was saved!), not punishment. Now i'm not ignorant or unaware of God's wrath, but that comes to fruition in Deuteronomy 29:27-28, "Therefore the LORD's anger burned against this land, so that he brought on it all the curses written in this book. In furious anger and in great wrath the LORD uprooted them from their land and thrust them into another land, as it is now." But the people knew, and they had their opportunity to respond to His grace, but God's plan is greater than that of mans.

How do we reconcile the two? Like Erwin McManus asked us during his sermon I'll ask you the same, "Take a deep breath, now don't breathe out until you realize you need it." That's God's grace. And one day our flesh will die. This is the consequence of sin; death. God's grace is always greater than His wrath. We will have our time, and like the Israelites; are we going to respond, or be like the Canaanites who refused to breathe.

---------------------

So, how do we answer the mass killings mentioned in the Old Testament that Israel had done to many nations in the name of God. In the Hebrew text it is translated as 'chechem'. Understand this in context of what was previously written; God's grace was shown prior to God's wrath. Also understand that there was no redemption to sin. So the death of any persons in the Old Testament led to death (spiritually, and physically) until the death and resurrection of Christ. So when the sins of the nations reached their full, we see a response by God, but there was grace. But in this understand that this led to Christ's death and resurrection; his grace to man, but also God's greatest wrath towards the sinful. Where there is redemption to sin, now there lies judgment to those who do not believe. I cannot explain or understand in detail God's wrath, but He is consistent, and it's up to us in how we respond.

Marketing of Evil - David Kupelian

If Satan is good at anything, it's the marketing of evil. He makes sin look fine, even good. I know I have been really quiet about govt and politics since I've been pregnant, but I am still reading on everything. I have just been so exhausted to think and type what I think. God is sovereign and whatever happens, He is in control. Lord, I continue to pray that Your glory be shown in all of this mess in our world. Just like Noah, we are sealed in a convenant with You. Noah in the ark, us in Christ's blood, anyhow we are sealed. I just pray that You will continue to soften hearts and turn them to repentance. Let us not be deceived by Satan's marketing of the world and motivate us to find the truth and stand firm in it. Continue to guide our family as we walk with You. Humble my heart to allow others to teach me. Help me find women who will hold me accountable and mentor me with love. Show us each day how to win the hearts of our children to You. Your way not mine. AmEN.

Inadequate.... Left out?

Man, I feel inadequate. I have been feeling like that since Phill told me that God has finally revealed His plan to prepare his heart to pastor. Well, I feel left out from this plan!!! I mean, I have known that we have been called to full time ministry since before we were married. But what about me?! What about His plan to prepare my heart to become a wife of a pastor?!?!?! You can't just give me a title and expect I'd know what to do with it. What happened to that part?! I have so many relational problems! I am like a troubled kid with a troubled past and a troubled present... Different troubles. But still! I am inadequate. I am going to need lots and lots and lots of counseling, help, prayers, classes, healing, accountability, effort, heart, desire... lots and lots of all those things, to ever start working towards becoming a pastor's wife!!!

God, hear Your servant's desperate cry to You. Will you not show me what to do? What to pray for? Tell me how, when, where, why, who!!! Lord, I feel left out and I want in. Deal with me and mold me into someone I am not right now. Set a goal in front of me and let me see where I can run to. You are my true living God Who is able to do all things. I will rely upon You and keep asking You. Reveal Yourself to me and make it obvious to me what to do. AMEN.

From horrendous to stupendous

God knows my every need. I was having such a bad day with my lymph node and ear, then Isaac woke up in the middle of our grocery shopping, and then even went poopy while we were getting back in the car. I had problems yesterday, and yet God showed His compassion and sovereignty through a trash can by the car and comfort by the Holy Spirit. I am learning to be a more God-centered wife, mother, and neighbor every day, and I am amazed by the ways He is transforming me each and every minute. I need Your grace God, to become the woman You want me to be. I definitely need a lot more than compassion and books to become a pastor's wife. Lord, I know this is one of the things I cannot learn on my own. Teach me, guide me, and place me with the people You know will be able to train me. God, have mercy on my family. You know our distress and our situation. Have compassion on Leo. Soften Teresa's heart. Continue to speak to Mimi and Anson. Save my parents. Help me love those who don't love me and help me want those who don't want me. Continue to convict me of my sins and demand a life of holiness in me. Set apart my children and my children's children for Your purpose. May we be used by Your will. AMEN.

Your Grace is enough Chris Tomlin

Great is Your faithfulness oh God

You wrestle with the sinner's heart

You lead us by still waters and to mercy

And nothing can keep us apart

So remember Your people

Remember Your children

Remember Your promise Oh God

Your grace is enough

Your grace is enough

Your grace is enough for me

Great is Your love and justice God

You use the weak to lead the strong

You lead us in the song of Your salvation

And all Your people sing along

One of dem Peters

After the last post, I knew I had to write about people who are like Peter. One of the reasons being that I am married to one of dem Peters.

I admire my husband. He is a man who is in love with God. He makes mistakes like everyone else, and he is sometimes even annoying to me, but he picks up where he left off and keeps pursuing Christ. I have seen him do this more than like 10 times since we've been married and we've only been married 4 years. He has a perseverance that I have not seen in anyone.

Phill grew up in a traditional buddhist Chinese household and no, he did not have a good childhood either. Oddly, he went to church since he was young and had Christian education till high school. Still, that doesn't guarantee a Christian life for anyone since lots of people who have or had a similar life do not end up serving Jesus. But my husband is one of dem Peters.

Yes, he rebelled in his own ways, and he disobeyed and fell short of God's glory. But the Peters never commited anything big like one of dem Pauls, going around murdering Christians. Me, I was bad. So I accepted Jesus' grace, it hit me like a brick wall. When I hit it, I was in love with Christ, ready to die for Him, and do anything for His glory. To me, what is amazing is how one of dem Peters can love God so much like one of dem Pauls.

I probably don't make sense to anyone right now, but the truth is, the more you are forgiven, the more you love. It's in the bible, look for it. So whenever I look at Phill and how much he is sacrificing each day and how willing he is to dedicate his whole life to Christ, I am floored. I mean, I had to suffer a lot, sin a lot, and go wayward a lot for God to get to me. But Phill didn't. I just think it's amazing that one of dem Peters can love Christ so much! And you have no idea how blessed it is to be married to a man who submits his will, his life, and his all under the sovereignty of a living God. It is marvelously ridiculous.

One of dem "Paul"s

We all know that Paul was one of the baddest Jews around town. He wore the laws around him, kept the Shabbat holy, ate kosher food, was circumcised, and was most importantly persecuting anyone who claimed Jesus to be the Son of God. Paul beat them, burned them, hanged them, spat at them, scorned at them.

Then, BAM, he was changed. He became one of "them" followers of Christ because of an encounter on the road to Damascus. Paul was instantly transformed into a passionate martyr who gave his life to see others saved. Apparently, Paul was never a Peter or a John.

My point is, there's lots of people who were saved like a Peter or a John, and then there are people who were saved like a Paul. Of course, all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.

But like my husband, he is definitely a Peter. He accepted Christ when he was 6, had great friends and parents of his friends who held him accountable. And yes, a little rebellion and little mistakes here and there, but he stood up and followed Jesus after a long struggle.

Now, me, I am definitely one of dem Pauls. I grew up bowing before dead relatives, coughing at incense, laughing at Bible stories and intelligent design, and a terrible brat who would sell her life for security and love.

Then, BAM, I met Jesus, and I knew He was the One. I left everyone and everything behind. Even though I had only been a follower since 2003, my knowledge and faith was blasting all over the place. My husband thought I had been a Christian for a decade when he met me, which was 3 months into my Christian walk.

I had to go through all of those bad tough times for Jesus to get to me and I wish some things didn't have to happen. But I am glad I am one of dem Pauls, because my life is a miracle. Christ is glorified in me because He was the One who gave me a life that is meaningful, convicted, hard but filled with joy. My life was turned around and transformed in a way that Peters, Johns, families and friends will never fully understand. Jesus is as real as a lemon. He is never to be sold out on or ignored.

God I do pray, that if You allowed me to start out as one of dem Pauls, that You will also give me strength, perseverance, passion, determination and the grace to finish well as one of dem Pauls. Sustain me and walk with me. All glory to You. AMEN.

KING OF GLORY THIRD DAY

Who is this King of Glory that pursues me with his love

And haunts me with each hearing of His softly spoken words

My conscience, a reminder of forgiveness that I need

Who is this King of Glory who offers it to me

Who is this King of angels, O blessed Prince of Peace

Revealing things of Heaven and all its mysteries

My spirit's ever longing for His grace in which to stand

Who's this King of glory, Son of God and son of man

His name is Jesus, precious Jesus

The Lord Almighty, the King of my heart

The King of glory

Who is this King of Glory with strength and majesty

And wisdom beyond measure, the gracious King of kings

The Lord of Earth and Heaven, the Creator of all things

Who is this King of Glory, He's everything to me
The Lord of Earth and Heaven, the Creator of all things

He is the King of glory, He's everything to me

Wowzer

I thought I should at least blog once in August. Tonight, I led worship at Metochai! Kathy and I had fun. This calling to lead worship with music is getting clearer and clearer as we speak and still I doubt. I doubt my abilities mostly, and my availability, as in "You want me to do all this while we have 3 toddlers?"

When we left Miami, I had 3 friends. Becca, Phill and Jesus. I think I had given up trying to find people with my odd passions, hobbies and interests. God has shown me that I need to depend on only Him and what it is like to be an outcast. Most of my so called friends have deserted me and plainly rejected me. I have been called lots of things, and I am particularly proud about the one time I was called "narrow-minded" by a "good friend".

There is hope I believe. I think there might be some oddballs like me in Metochai afterall. I can't wait to know these sisters in Christ God have in store for me. Lord, you know I need healthy relationships. I pray for a mentor, and accountability partners; people who want to grow in Christ on their own and with me. You have the future in Your hands. I ask that You will be with our children and help them understand who You are. Help us to be the parents who will reflect Your image to them. Give me patience, wakefulness, and gentleness. I want You to come back not to deliver us from the mess here on earth but to show Your faithfulness that every knee shall bow and every tongue confess that You are Lord. AMEN.

I am a new creation in Christ

Family, relatives, and old aquaintances just have a hard time understanding who I am and the concept that I am not the same. I also have a hard time reconnecting to the past and people from the past. I hated living in Hong Kong, I hated living in Florida, I hated the fact that my friends were not my friends, and that my family wasn't my family. After accepting Jesus as the only King in my life, I found my self worth in Him. If I wasn't worth anything, He would not have died for my sins. I now have true friends with deep relationships, a family who loves God and is geared for the Kingdom, and I know I am a citizen of heaven, my home is in heaven with Him. It's time to repost an old post......

Saturday, March 1, 2008

Standing alone

Twenty something years of my life past by me when I was all right with being inconsiderate, profane, selfish, immoral... a liar, a thief, an adulteress, a murderer... I, am a woman with a shameful, guilty, godless past. I was unstable, irresponsible, impulsive, and depressed. I did things to make myself feel happy during the day, yet curled up with pain in my heart at night. I attempted to seek peace through self-help books, music, shopping, and even the most despised of all, religion. I was desperate. I was in agony. My soul was empty. Life was meaningless.

But isn't it? We work and we slave for the things that we want and need. And money, the very thing we work for, owns us. Yet, at the end of life, who will take their bank accounts to their graves? Who will be full from the meals they have consumed? Who, will we be accountable to? Even my parents have disciplined me when I was a child. Teachers have graded my papers and given me F's.

Am I to fail at what I am given, even though I did not ask for it? Who will cherish my life if I did not? Who will love me when I cannot even find myself worthy? And at what price...?

For God did NOT send His Son into the world, to CONDEMN the world, but to SAVE the world through Him.

I have experienced a love that I still do not understand. A love so crazy. A love so sacrificial. My life was NOT saved by a church. My life was NOT saved by a religion. My life was precious to my Creator. Jesus came to me in my car when I cried out to Him. He sat beside me as I sobbed. He took my burden and carried my transgressions. Jesus, my God, saved me. And He was my price on the cross.

So is it OK to admit that I would die for Him? That I will speak the Truth in love to everyone I cross roads with? Relatives have left me, friends have isolated me, people have called me narrow minded, and I have been made anew! To stand alone is to have the will to die for Jesus as He has died for me. To stand alone is to be persecuted verbally, physically and emotionally, yet still singing to praise Him.

I will stand alone in Christ, and in Him alone will I glory.

KING Tree63

We have heard the thunder
We have seen the storm
Echoes of your kingdom coming
Rumors of our home
Where one day we will stand before you Lord
Our altogether beautiful reward

CHORUS:
And we will give you glory bring you honor
King above all kings
You deserve our everything
We will lift our voices with your praises
Jesus you are our king

Though now we walk in darkness
Though now we see in part
Right now we're warmed by the burning flames
Of the fire in our hearts
You've promised you would lead us to your throne
Where we will worship you and you alone

I had to comment on this website

http://albawaba.com/en/news/223157

I wrote: "No matter what his (Obama) beliefs are, he is extremely liberal. Too liberal to be Jewish, Christian, or Muslim. He is pro-abortion, anti traditional marriage, wants to raise taxes, and has a liberal wife who eggs him on. When he becomes president he will not only demoralize the country, but the people of the country and of other nations!"

I am gonna be bloated

We are expecting baby #3!! And I am already getting nauseous when I smell fish.

One day...

http://www.citizenlink.org/CLBriefs/A000007787.cfm

Man Sues Bible Publishers over Verses on Homosexuality

A Michigan man is suing Zondervan Publishing and Thomas Nelson Publishing, claiming biblical references to homosexuality as a sin violate his constitutional rights and have caused him emotional pain and mental instability.

Bradley LaShawn Fowler, 39, is seeking $60 million from Zondervan and $10 million from Thomas Nelson, The Grand Rapids (Mich.) Press reported. He is representing himself in both claims.

Fowler claims the Bible has made him an outcast and contributed to physical discomfort and periods of "demoralization, chaos and bewilderment."

"As frivolous as this case may sound, it's an indicator of where the homosexual agenda is headed," said Bruce Hausknecht, judicial analyst for Focus on the Family Action. "Ten years from now, this type of case won't be humorous at all; we'll see organizations like the ACLU dedicating resources to them because such 'language' will no longer be considered protected speech.

"Sweden, Canada and the U.K. are already prosecuting religious speech as 'hate' speech, as it relates to the biblical view of homosexuality."

One day, I will be arrested for proclaming the gospel and the diety of Christ. One day, I will be called a 'hater' even though I have the love of Christ. One day, the Bible will be illegal and true worshipers of Jesus will be underground.

Why would this man sue Bible publishers? That's like suing the authors and publishers of any books that went against any Biblical values and offended people like me who love the Lord and His laws. It is not like someone sat this man down and forced the Bible in front of him and made him read it day and night until he believed it. This is so sad. I am just disgusted by the backwardness of this world. God deliver us from evil.

One day, Jesus will be back to reign the heavens and the earth. One day, on earth, above the earth and under the earth, every knee shall bow and tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord. God, my prayer is that You show me what Your will for me is. I still can't quite put it all together. Music, kids, the deaf, and politics? You have put in my heart these passions but they confuse me and I feel not just unworthy but incompetent! Hear my plea and give me clear visions of my calling.

"Real Christians Don't Do Politics"

That's like when people say to me, "Jesus is just a crutch to your hopelessness". They are right! He is a crutch. Without Him I am hopeless. He is my only hope, refuge, strength, deliverance, Savior, and God.

Real Christians don't do politics. We don't. We just stand up for the truth. And politicians and general public just hate it, especially when you claim that the truth is the Word of God, Jesus Christ, the Trinity, and Christ's Resurrection. The Devil has His grand scheme (Eph 6:11) just as we have Jesus' great commission (Matt 28:16-20).

According to Ephesians 6, we are to take hits from all sides. 10Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power.

We need to recognize this:
1. That the Devil has a scheme to take over the powers in this world, meaning politicians, rich billionaires, and nuclear families. 11Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes.

2. Being active, signing petitions, voting, supporting conservatives, and calling governors do not mean you are being a politician doing politics. 12For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

3. We are to keep ourselves updated spiritually, mentally and physically, and know what is going on in our nation so we don't have to find out from the media who distorts everything with an agenda. We are not to create chaos, we are to stand our ground and pass on a legacy to our next generation. 13Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

4. Stand firm then, "Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of Me." Matthew 5:11 We are standing up for a Savior who is real and coming back and will be held accountable for the kind of "truth" we stand up for.14Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place,

5. And be open to sharing the Truth with people who cross our paths. Like abortion is wrong because life is created by God in the womb. Funny thing is, people don't like stepping on grass and put signs for others to preserve their lawn. What about a fetus that is eating, drinking, peeing, pooping, moving, and growing into a human being? 15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace.

6. We are to know our history, constitution laws, senators, reps, governors, and organizations that are fighting everyday for our Christian beliefs in the government. Being a part of a petition, lobbying, email, reading up on stuff etc is a legacy, responsibility and effort to win this tug o war with Satan. 16In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.

7. People are going to tell us that real Christians don't do politics. Truth is, it is about our future generations falling into our Enemy's hands. It is not about silly agendas, it is about a Kingdom and its children. 17Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

8. We do not lose hope or strength because He is our fortress and our goal. Choose to be a Kingdom warrior, and know our Enemy. He will be vanquished, and Jesus will be Lord. We have to persevere and pray with stubborness. 18And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.

9. It is God who will make this nation. It is God who will make the mystery of the gospel known. It is God who will be faithful with our future generations when we are faithful to the Truth. I will be fearless, I will know Him in my sufferings. So, use me, God. 19Pray also for me, that whenever I open my mouth, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel,

10. Are we up to this calling? 1 Thess 2:11-13 Are we reading His Word, spending time with Him, passionately pursuing what He wants us to do, and raising our next generation to love Him with their lives? We are to live worthy of His calling! 20 for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should.

Lord, be my shepherd. I will fight for You and my future generations. Deliver our future generations and help us instill Your passion for Your people and Your nations in them. Teach us to raise them in Your path. AMEN.

Far from the world

I have not been on the internet for like 2 weeks. I feel out of touch already. All the things that have happened in court rooms and state capitols pass me by without mercy! Anyway, just a quick note, I reading the oath to become an American, and I had to think about it very seriously. I don't think I agree 100% with the government and how everything works. I wouldn't overthrow it but I'd want to change it. I think the system of finding suitable leaders for our mayors, senators, reps, and president is out of date. I believe people who want to be a part of our gov't need to take few diverse classes of history and politics, take all kinds of tests, proven to be dilligent and moral, and also have military experience. I believe it should be harder. Rather than just raise billions of dollars, owing activisits and millionaires lots of favors, having good looks and presentation, and being a good talker. God, make this nation Your own. Rise up godly leaders and raise up the future generations to love You and serve You. I love you. Use me.

"Persecution will be the norm"

Over the past few months, I have been reading up and sending petitions about ENDA. This bill cannot happen. This bill is a wolf dressed in sheep skin.

"Employment non discrimination act" sounds like a really nice... no discrimination, everybody equal kinda bill. It's not. It's an overboard, we're suing you if you don't like us, you can't fire me, you have to hire me, i don't care about what you believe in... kinda bill.

Basically, it's a bill that allows a homosexual to sue an organization, company, person, anything anybody, once they feel offended. They can totally make stuff up to get you in trouble if they really want to get rid of you. You'd have to tiptoe around these people, or act like you like them, or act like you agree with them, and act like you're okay with them acting weird around you or hit on you.

Even faith based organizations will be forced to hire anyone who openly offends their faith, beliefs and what they are founded on.

What about everyone else who is offended by these people who act like they don't care? I am offended when they openly act gay in front of me. I am offended when they teach my future generations it's okay to be like them. I am offended when they have agendas in schools. I am offended by the way they act like they are offended that we are offended. I love the gay people because they are still people. I have family and friends who are gay. But I certainly do not condone their behaviors and I am honest with them about it.

Am I going to be scorned by my beliefs? You bet. Am I going to be hated and gossiped about because of my faith? YES. I am even going to be persecuted, sued, spat on, you name it because of what I believe in. But I have a God who went through all that, and a God that has passed on His wisdom to us. He has been clear about His laws and His love. His choice to redeem and deliver us from our sins and indulgence. I have no doubt one day I will die for Him as He has died for me. I am ready to be martyred for what and who I believe in because I know that Jesus is real and that His faithfulness will be honored. Christ will be glorified in the end. Every knee shall bow, and every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord. Under the earth, on the earth, and in heaven. Everyone will know the truth one day whether we like it or not.

God, give us the strength, perseverance, and steadfastness to fulfill Your purposes for us. Use us for Your glory. May Your kingdom come and will be done. Deliver us from the evil and persecution by the people around us who hate us because they hate You first. You are with us till the end. May You be glorified.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Employment_Non-Discrimination_Act

Relationships

I finally know what God has been trying to do for the past 3 years!!!! He's been trying to heal my insecurities in relationships. Since I came back from missions, I have been dealing with tons of relationships. From my dad to my ex, friends to family. I need closure and healing. God continue You work in me and give me courage. Be with me as I step into the lion's den. I want my faith to be completed through fire and suffering. Test me, teach me, use me. Please open and close doors for me. Reveal Yourself to my dad and sister. Guide and lift up my older sister as she shines before her family as You have for us. Deliver us and protect us as we advance for Your kingdom.

A letter to John McCain, Candidate for US President

Thank you for your work as a Senator and upstanding candidate for US President. When California demonstrated that marriage can be redefined by any judge at any time, I was shocked at the inactivity and attitude of apathy from every citizen and government official in this country.

We should not the bystanders of appparent judicial tyranny. Our American democracy should not be mocked by special interest activisits and their supporters.

Please support American families by backing the federal Marriage Protection Amendment.