Shara Nova

First Young Living Meme I made

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JIngle all the way

wow

While a cashier was beeping my groceries, I looked frantically in my purse for my debit card bc the cash folder was low.. I had taken it out and it was sitting next to my bed for no reason... hubby was out preaching in Denton... I was about to say sorry I don't have the money when my oldest asked, Mommy, do you need me to go get my wallet? It's in the car. Needless to say, she paid for groceries today with the money she earned from her selling cake pops. I just want to say, she saved the day, and Jesus is so good to me. 

How Majestic Is Your Name

To the choirmaster: according to The Gittith. A Psalm of David.

8 O Lord, our Lord,
    how majestic is your name in all the earth!
You have set your glory above the heavens.
2     Out of the mouth of babies and infants,
you have established strength because of your foes,
    to still the enemy and the avenger.

3 When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers,
    the moon and the stars, which you have set in place,
4 what is man that you are mindful of him,
    and the son of man that you care for him?

5 Yet you have made him a little lower than the heavenly beings[b]
    and crowned him with glory and honor.
6 You have given him dominion over the works of your hands;
    you have put all things under his feet,
7 all sheep and oxen,
    and also the beasts of the field,
8 the birds of the heavens, and the fish of the sea,
    whatever passes along the paths of the seas.

9 O Lord, our Lord,
    how majestic is your name in all the earth!

Thank you

Our pastor has preached the sermon I really needed to hear. 

The world hasn't ended yet and the United States is still standing. We must continue to keep faith, tread on with hope, and do our duties as Jesus freaks.

The Perfect Storm

There is a need to document what is happening. When I began to experience a spiritual rest and mountain top high with the Lord a few months ago, I started to wonder what is next to come for our family. A bit excited but a bit cautious. When God prepares me this way, I knew something big is going to happen. He was building me up this time to receive something humungous. Something bigger than anything that has happened in several years.

In April, I typed up an entry entitled "New Leaf". The spiritual healing and rest happened 2 months after grieving what happened in our short fostering season. It is now almost August. Troubles started 3 weeks ago in mid July. Van needs a couple thousand bucks worth of repairing. That was fine cuz who needs air conditioned transportation? Who needs a van?

Then, our zucchini plants were attacked by squash borers, 11/13 plants died. Gardening and eating our own harvest is a big deal. Food is expensive!

Then I got a letter about my professional teaching certificate renewal that I needed not 2 but 3 credits of SWD classes.

Then, a few days ago, our one income has been exterminated. Without warning. Even though people could have warned people out of compassion or mercy or whatever.

Then some guy decides to fight another guy in my husband's office where he was on his last two weeks to where a police report had to be filed.

Today, I opened our library account, $25.99 for a lost book we did not lose. REALLY?!

Anyway, Satan is whipping up a perfect storm for us. He sure is having fun. Last time Phil left overseas, I remember another perfect storm. I might have recorded it, I might not have. But I remember it. Someone does not want God's work to be done.

God has a huge plan for us and He has allowed Satan to sift us. There's something that needs to be sifted so... we submit to it. The Lord will deliver us through it, or out of it, or into glory. But I prayed days ago, that when I became a Christian, I knew. I surrendered my all then, and I am never backing out. I am going to serve the Lord with my life. No matter where, how, when, etc There is nothing else that's worth doing. Everything in the world will fade. I don't want to work for things that fade. I don't want to waste the one life God gave me.

All to Jesus I surrender
All to Him I freely give
I will ever love and trust in
In His presence daily give
I surrender all
I surrender all
All to Jesus I surrender
I surrender ALL

I am giving Him all. No reservations.

Here is a list of what I treasure.
my future, my husband, my kids, my gifts and talents, friends, my phone, my wifi, my laptop, my rights, money, my pride, my desire to get a masters, leading worship, writing music, my ambitions, my health...

More will happen. The perfect storm will come. But after the storm,... promises. The day after we lost our main income, people kept sending me pics of rainbows they saw after some rain. Coincidence? I think not. Reassurance. Reassurance that I am the apple of God's eye, the daughter of the KING, princess of God, His most worthy possession, His trophy, Jesus's bride,... that I am taken care of, much more important than the sparrows and the flowers of the fields.

After the sifting, after the perfect storm dies down, God will rain down His mercy, grace, and blessings on us. He will take care of everything and we will not be forgotten. That's what Satan wants us to believe, that we are forgotten in this time of need. No. God has not forgotten about us. And if Satan hasn't forgotten about us either and has asked to sift us, that's actually pretty good news for us as Christians. We will make Jesus famous.

Amen and Amen.

An Open Letter to FWISD School board members and fellow Fort Worth Residents

My name is Joanna Koo. I have been teaching for more than 15 years. I am currently a private music instructor but I am also a former public and private school teacher from Miami-Dade County in Florida where I taught a wide range of students including those with severe physical, social and emotional problems at a Bertha Abess Children's Center. 

I empathize with every child that has been bullied because they were too skinny or too short or too fat or too smart or too religious or too bubbly or too quiet or too different. I know what it was like to be bullied. I was often bullied as a minority, suffered depression and anxiety growing up, and went through school with a mentally handicapped brother who had stones thrown at him. However, this is not about the children, nor the adults, nor who is wrong or right. 

Before Texas and Florida, I lived in China, specifically Hong Kong, for 16 years.  We moved to Florida in 1997 because the British had to hand Hong Kong over to Communist China after a loan. My parents decided to immigrate to the land of the free because they believed that the US constitution would allow their children and children’s children grow under the protection of their own choices. 

My parents’ fears slowly came true about Hong Kong.  If you care to read about it, please research the Umbrella Movement. I was already a mother then, and was thankful that my children and grandchildren could live under the liberty and protection of “We, the people” and our choices.

My oldest child has been studying the constitution and asked me about the new bathroom guidelines and why no voting was needed to pass such an important policy that affected so many children. I didn’t know what to tell her except that no one is perfect and that people find ways to abuse their power in office. Thankfully, the Constitution and those who uphold the Constitution still exist.

From studying American history, I was inspired to learn how Americans fought for their freedom to vote and struggled to keep the Constitution intact to protect the country. Benjamin Franklin said, “Those who would give up essential Liberty, to purchase a little temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety.” If we let this go tonight without repealing and putting this to a vote, how can we still call ourselves America? The deeper issue here is about what we are giving up as the People. Progress cannot be quickened by judicial tyranny but by the patient progress of the People’s choices. If this important policy is not repealed and put to a vote, it will display to the entire world, a severe symptom of a broken democracy. And to those who keep telling people like me to get with the program, I quote Captain America who said to Nick Fury regarding Project Insight,  “Don’t hold your breath.” Thank you.

new leaf

I have been on a spiritual mountain top with God for the past couple of months. I think something big is about to happen. Just don't know what. But, my spirit is refreshed and excited. I have just finished my arrangement for Star Wars beginning strings and piano arrangement so that's pretty exciting too. I have been praying to become a morning person. It's been working. I think because I want it and because I am allowing God to do His work. I wanted it before but not this much. haha...

grief

Surprisingly I have not allowed myself to grieve till today. The idea of going through grief for "losing" a baby that was not mine seemed ridiculous so my brain was stopping me from doing it. Anyway, I am now going through classic depression. Not feeling hungry, sleeping in, sleeping late, not being excited, feeling glum etc. After my cry, I feel better. I will be monitoring my progress. This psalm has been floating in me. I am learning to trust God further and deeper. Will I continue to follow Him and trust Him even though nothing made sense to me? Will I continue to put my faith in Him as I doubt His sovereignty? Have I lost perspective as I "suffer" and "surrender all"? For the past couple of years, the theme of surrendering all to Jesus have opened a portal to allowing God into everything.  

Psalm 1
Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers; but his delight is in the law of the LORD, and on his law he meditates day and night.
He is like a tree planted by streams of water that yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither. In all that he does, he prospers. The wicked are not so, but are like chaff that the wind drives away. Therefore the wicked will not stand in the judgment, nor sinners in the congregation of the righteous; for the LORD knows the way of the righteous, but the way of the wicked will perish.

spiraling

I have stopped understanding my emotions. I signed up for Soul Care at our church but because it is almost Christmas and New Years, I am on the waiting list and no one can counsel me through it. Jesus is the wonderful counselor. I know. What can He do for my soul? I know all the answers. He can. He is able. But, I am having a hard time right now with having faith and He does not heal those who does not have faith. Right? I have no doubt I am born again. I know He has given me the Holy Spirit. I am just a rebellious little Asian right now, bitter at all the hardships I have been through. Of course, He reminds me, that I am the one who prayed to learn what it is like to surrender it all a year back. Well, I learned it and I don't like it. The idea is heroic, and beautiful, and grand. But I don't like it. It is only for people who can be like Christ. I can only be like Christ up to a very small degree. Blame it on my sinful nature and my stubborn, selfish ways. I look at Jesus and I look at me and I feel inadequate to be His follower.  I don't think that's right. When I was a new Christian 12 years ago, I saw my sin and saw Jesus' perfection and I saw His grace. I was grateful for His salvation. I was amazed by His love. I marveled at His goodness. What happened to that? It was because of that grace, gratitude, love and faith that transformed me. Am I being spiritually attacked? For God's reasons, of course. A preacher said on the radio, "You are too worldly to be godly but you are also too godly to be worldly so you become stuck in the middle, lost and can't enjoy anything." My heart is being split. My whole world is about ministry. But I find my heart in want. I want I want I want. Always demanding. Maybe my sinful nature is pulling me towards worldliness. I am struggling so hard against so many things in my mind and my heart. Since the foster children have left, I have sort of plunged into something. I have not allowed myself to cry. I have not allowed myself to grief I don't believe. I have not allowed myself to plunge into depression (like after housing a lady who needed help last year.) I was able to come out of the depression last time after what felt like forever but actually just 3 months when I hit the bottom, understanding it was either coming out of it or medication. And medication seemed preposterous to me. 

Let's stop for a minute to talk about this. Because by this time, my friends, or random people, would usually ask, have you thought of saying no. 

YES I HAVE. DURING and AFTER the situation. But when God hands you an adventure.......... sigh

Per my BFF's request, I am taking a moment to look up the stages of grief.

Loss

I am going to try to document the emotions that run through our family and me. If I suppress them, I will go into a spiral down toward hopelessness.

Guilt. I personally felt guilt at first. I love working with children. NO children should have to suffer. Especially innocent babies. I wanted to keep them and felt guilt as I knew when we made the decision to hand them back that I can still serve them well and continue our work with them. HOWEVER, guilt has melted away as I remember God's sovereignty. If I am guilty of something, then God is too, and God is not. He knows all things, sees all things, hears all things, and is sovereign over all things. He is not guilty in His order and confirmation that we are to hand the children back. We trust Him fully even if it hurts us and our reputation momentarily. Guilt is sometimes prompted by the desire to please people instead of God. I choose to please God.

Sadness. We all felt profound sadness hovering over the house. We have been counseling and helping the kids process their emotions. It's hard to watch your children be sad HOWEVER, it has been a blessing to go through this together as family.

Loss. The sadness became heavier and it became clear we are experiencing loss. We are grieving and healing as we give ourselves to the LORD. He brought those children here for a season and for a reason. We have seen the baby go from failure to thrive, to starting to pull up and cruise the day he left. We have seen the big brother go from dark circles under his eyes and depressed, to smiling and well rested. So much work, time, love, cooking, thought, care, prayers, stress, etc put into those children. They filled up the house to the rim with their presence, their beds, their toys, their laughter, their cries. Now there is just the 5 of us again. We will not get to see the fruit of our labor. We will probably never see them again. HOWEVER, it has drawn each of us so much closer to one another and to the LORD for He experienced the loss of His beloved creation when the fall of man occurred in Genesis. He experienced loss over and over again with Israel as the Hebrew people left Him for other gods. He went through another loss as His own Son died on the cross to claim victory over sin, death and Satan. If this is how we may identify with God more and gain security for our identity in Him, we are willing to carry this legacy of suffering.

Empty of heart

Ironically, this was seen 30 minutes after foster children came back to us from Thanksgiving. I have to say we expected it. 

Heartless, is an adjective that means "displaying a complete lack of feeling or consideration". 

If this wasn't meant for me and my family, great. No biggie. If this was, then there is a list I'd like to address:

1. If taking in strangers into our home is heartless, then yes, we have been heartless many times for so many years. 

2. If serving those who are not able to give back is heartless, then please, give us all name tags with the word on it. 

3. If feeding strangers is heartless, well ok, just stamp the word heartless on our foreheads. 

4. If the ministry of taking care of children who were hurt by those closest is heartless, ha, chisel the word upon our veins. 

5. If dealing with difficult pushy people who were not up front with facts, with admonition, love, and grace is heartless, let it be, burn the word on our lips. 

6. If giving speech and physical therapy to a baby around the clock until he is caught up in his development is heartless, wow, punch that word into my ears. 

7. If standing up for children's well being is heartless, fine, then label us completely heartless. 

8. If fighting for children's right to live, grow, and develop healthily is heartless, I am, I am , I am.

9. If standing and agreeing with many doctors to proclaim "stop labeling your child as defected when he isn't" to avoid a life long label is heartless, let it be, carve that word into our backs.

10. If refusing to hand children to people I don't trust is heartless, isn't that funny, go ahead and scream at us about being heartless. 

11. If homeschooling strangers' developmentally delayed child due to codependency is heartless, I have nothing to defend against, I have no beating heart.

12. If fostering for free with no compensation at all due to "fictive kinship placement" and not expecting anything in return is heartless, we have been duped, we have no blood pumping through our veins. 

13. If taking care of strangers' children with TLC when they come back sick with diarrhea and/or vomit from every visitation is heartless, sure, we are heartless to the core. 

14. If following professional advices to feed the baby more formula instead of pumping him with solids is heartless, yay, we are so heartless we must have cut out our own hearts.

15. If nursing your baby back to life and health when he came to us with failure to thrive, unwilling to drink formula, not sleeping through the night, not crawling, not cooing, not pushing up, not standing up, filled with eczema, not signing, not sitting up at all, terrified of peekaboo, is heartless, I agree, hearts are absent from our souls. 

16. If limiting sugars and cooking healthy meals for children is heartless, man, we are the most heartless of all. 

17. If teaching an older child who mistakenly blamed younger siblings for their misfortune, to hug, kiss, love, and be gentle to younger siblings by word and example is heartless, right again, we are heartless as crustaceans. 

18. If helping children discover what they love to do and passionate about is heartless, I am as heartless as any other teacher.

19. If noticing a child's anxiety and saying No to his stress eating till he is sick in the stomach is heartless, arrest me for being heartless.

20. If limiting screen time so children can be creative, learn how to read, learn how to manage their time, learn how to play with others, is heartless, just maybe, my heart has been drained of its blood.

21. If taking out solids to figure out what a child is allergic to step by step is heartless and have to fight certain people for them to stop solids to figure it out is heartless, yeah, we are heartless all right.

22. If praying over and with children to return home and trust in the Lord no matter what is heartless, we are indeed the worst people on earth and don't even have livers or kidneys. 

23. If protecting one's family, marriage, children, and ministry, from the tornado of personal problems that need professional counsel to fix is heartless, we are the worst and heartless protectors ever.

24. If obeying our Lord Jesus after careful fasting, prayer, and consideration, even though we don't quite understand, and it is difficult to do and goes against our instincts is heartless, then we are just being as heartless as Jesus is.

We are guilty of being heartless if heartless is defined as such, completely guilty. No arguments there.

There are always two sides to a coin. Never be simple minded and only listen and believe in one side of a story without thinking for oneself. Thank you Jesus for Your Grace. Without Your grace we would not have had the privilege to know and help these children and their family. Under Your sovereignty we now hand them back knowing that You have greater plans for them and their families. Thank You that You in our infinite wisdom allowed us to see the truth and to understand Your love for these children. Thank You for being our Defender, our Shield, and our Refuge. We will stand firm in Your truths and promises, and continue in our ministries in the name of Your Son and for Your Kingdom. You are the God of all things and all people and all kingdoms. No one is like you. Your understanding surpasses ours and Your ways are beyond our ways. I truthfully cannot say I look forward to our next adventure because these adventures are so many times filled with suffering. But I thank You from the deepest parts of my heart knowing that these times of sufferings draw me only closer to You as You show me the legacy of pain You are going through since the fall of man. I praise You and will continue to be hospitable to those who are homeless, fatherless, childless, faithless, heartless, and thankless. We will choose to be thankful, purposeful, faithful, hopeful, and spirit-filled. 



1Thessalonians 5:12-28 

We ask you, brothers, to respect those who labor among you and are over you in the Lord and admonish you, and to esteem them very highly in love because of their work. Be at peace among yourselves. And we urge you, brothers, admonish the idle, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all. See that no one repays anyone evil for evil, but always seek to do good to one another and to everyone. Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. Do not quench the Spirit. Do not despise prophecies, but test everything; hold fast what is good. Abstain from every form of evil.
Now may the God of peace himself sanctify you completely, and may your whole spirit and soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. He who calls you is faithful; he will surely do it.

Brothers, pray for us.

Greet all the brothers with a holy kiss.

I put you under oath before the Lord to have this letter read to all the brothers.

The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you.

Happy Birthday :)

Another case

We are going through another case of codependent victim mindset manipulative controller backlash. No, I am not name calling. It is an actual psycho diagnosis and label. It is never fun to cross someone like that. But we have learned to give it to God. I hope we have. We have to end our kinship foster placement because of that. This will help the children's caseworkers help the family and the children in the long run because codependency is more than just depending on one another. It is a debilitating cycle that does not end. It passes on from generation to generation as one generation victimizes the next. It's better to get backlash than to allow that to go on. We were feeling all sorts of bad sending the kids on visitations, so why not feel bad while we help them and their families get professional help at the same time? We did this placement without anything in return, and we still do not expect anything in return. We just know that total surrender to God means letting the children go this time. Because if God brought them to us so we can help them, God will still be with them as our job ends here. Keeping them will be disobedience. That is all I know. Do I feel guilty? Yes. Do I feel horrible? Yes. Do I feel pain for the kids? Yes. It's terrible. It is a disgusting feeling to have to send children away. No child will ever suffer again when Jesus comes back. That's what I keep remembering. Children suffer mostly not because of their doing, but because of the sins of the adults around them. It is so sad. There is nothing I can do but to obey God. If we disobey, we jeopardize everything. We jeopardize our relationships with God, with each other, with our kids, and jeopardize our future, our ministries, and our health, mental, physical, and emotional. The unhealthiness was bleeding into our family life and it was not good. I am really glad and thankful God allowed me to experience the other case years ago so we know how to deal with this healthily. Our priority is still to God and to our family. I am sorry the foster kids have to suffer. All kids and adults suffer because this is a sinful world. We all are damaged goods that need Jesus. We are just damaged in different ways. Sin is our common enemy. Not one another.

All to Jesus I surrender, I surrender All

Isaac asked why Jesus gives us circumstances He knows we don't want to be in and work He knows we don't want to do. I cheated and sang "I surrender all" to him. Over a year ago, I asked our Father to show me what "surrender all" actually means. What this "All" is... It's been over a year and He has only shown me the tip of the iceberg. I certainly didn't expect it to bleed into my children's lives either. 

Surrendering is a coin. It has two sides. 

One side is like flying a white flag during battle. Hey I am surrendering cuz you overpower me. I'm ok with it because I am choosing to surrender. Hope you don't kill me after I surrender or take me prisoner.

The other side is like Elijah. Hey I am a fleeing prophet cuz you are my King and you chose me to do this job. If I were to choose, I'd live in the palace with food and drink. I would have been so happy. But you got to choose and I didn't get to choose. You chose me and now I choose to surrender everything I am to do what you chose for me to do and what life you chose for me to live. I don't like being chased by these evil people but I must continue to run from them. I don't like having to be isolated from the other prophets and live in the desert even though you are feeding me and providing a stream of water during a famine and drought. I don't like having to keep reaching out and helping people who reject you. I don't like being depressed and hurting even though You comfort me and sustain me. It is really cool to see You beat the prophets of Baal at Mount Carmel. And it's really awesome to know rain was coming while no one else did. We do really cool stuff together. You are a good God and I hate having to go through this hard stuff but You shall choose for me what I should do. You shall choose for me where I live. You shall choose for me whom I serve. You shall choose for me. I surrender my right to choose for myself.

God is not my enemy. I am not flying a white flag. I guess I am Elijah then. Learning this lesson has not been fun but it has been adventurous. It has been the most emotional, spiritually exhausting, frustrating, and difficult growing pain ever.

Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday to an Unbelievable Daddy and Husband.

You are the head and heart of this family. We just wanted to make you laugh. Hope you enjoyed it. We love you so much.

Yes you should be enraged

Babies are humans. There is never a reason good enough to kill an innocent defenseless human being. 

I couldn't run, couldn't run from His presence

More of you, Less of me, Make me who I'm meant to be

Where will you go, child? To where will you run?

WOW

Cow milk and Hormones

This article is interesting. Research done at Harvard. It's very preliminary.

The Cross has made me flawless

Persevere, Christian Soldiers

Philippians Chapter1

Yes, and I will continue to rejoice, for I know that through your prayers and God’s provision of the Spirit of Jesus Christ what has happened to me will turn out for my deliverance. I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death. For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labor for me. Yet what shall I choose? I do not know! I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far; but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body. Convinced of this, I know that I will remain, and I will continue with all of you for your progress and joy in the faith, so that through my being with you again your boasting in Christ Jesus will abound on account of me.