Yes, I am revisiting Proverbs 13:4 again. This time with a different spin. My desires, what do I want to have accomplished? How? The verse says diligent, not lazy. I get that. Here is why I was struck. This quote:
Discipline is 'Making yourself do what you don't want to do in order to achieve what you want to achieve.' (supposedly from Tom Landry's book in p.279)
Diligence has to come from the the right motivation. And the right motivation has to be for the glory of our LORD Jesus Christ, not anything else. Anything else would be the wrong motivation, for a follower of Christ, that is. And motivation, comes from self discipline doesn't it? And this self discipline has to come from conviction and motive. If my motive is none other than to please someone else or myself, forget it. If my motive is to succeed in a worldly sense or get more money, forget it. Wrong motives! Where does my conviction lie? Is it through my own senses of failure? Or is it through the word of God that is speaking to me through the Spirit, telling me to obey? Telling me to change? Telling me to step up?
Through godly conviction and motives, self discipline, motivation, and diligence shall follow.
So what do I want? What is it that my heart so desires and yearns to achieve?
intimacy with the LORD
Hebrews 7:25; 10:22; 11:6, James 4:8
spiritual, mental and spiritual fitness
Luke 9:62, Romans 9:8, 1 Timothy 4:8
doing everything unto the LORD and not unto man
2 Chron 5:11-14; Psalm 115:1; Proverbs 25:2; Isaiah 24:15; Jer 13:16; 1 Cor 10:13;Col 3:23
I did not list them because all of them are number 1. That's all I want to achieve. I am also gaining wisdom from reading and studying Proverbs 30. The sayings of Agur. I will have to blog on that later.
LORD, bless my conviction and motives to better know you. Psalm 84, how lovely is Your dwelling place oh Lord!!! Better is one day in Your house!! Let my heart and flesh cry out to You! Let me seek You and find You. You are beautiful. Lord, I never have the right motives, I am human. Give me Your motives! Let me seek self discipline, motivation, and diligence and find these things because of You. Like Agur says, only give me my daily bread! I don't need anything but You. Help me surrender all things to You and know I cannot take any material thing from this world with me. May the Holy Spirit consecrate my children and may they desire the baptism from Your spirit so they may be anointed to do Your will. Open their spiritual eyes, ears, and hearts so they make seek You from their deepest parts of their souls. Thank You for Your sacrifice and grace. In Jesus' name, AMEN.
Thursday, October 11, 2012
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Re-visitation
Frequent re-visitations are essential. What I mean is, when God is teaching something, go back and revisit it frequently, read it again, think about it again, pray about it again, examine your life against it again and again.
One of the heart issues I was revisiting tonight is what I had mentioned in the blog on Sept 5, 2012, just a couple of weeks ago. I wrote the verse I mentioned on the cover on my bible, and when it fades, I re-write it. I just rewrote it two nights ago actually.
I went on biblegateway, and I put different versions together and studied them. Click on this, this is what I had on my screen.
In the last block, the Chinese version, it says, "Lazy man admire from afar but can't ever achieve; those who put all their might into hard work are promised prosperity." Sounds like a Chinese proverb!! ;) It says what it means and means what it says. The word admire, gives a longing for whatever they try to achieve. Also, the second part gives "umph" to the hard work. It's like triple hard work. Then, the word promised, it's gives me a "wow, finally, satisfaction is here" feeling. I love this version and how I translated it, hahaha.
Now look at Holman Christian, the slacker, here, is someone who just mopes and sits around doing nothing, even though it sounds like he knows what he should be doing. Well, he gets nothing! The ones who are diligent are satisfied, whatever they need or want to accomplish.
How about ESV? I wonder if the original language had the word "pneuma" or what in it? It says soul. But, I get it. It's deeper. It's not about material. Not about things. As I blogged on Sept 5, I crave to have spiritual things done, and when I don't work hard to get them, my SOUL feels like failure, like confused, I feel unrest.
NASB is similar to ESV.... except for the word FAT at the end LOL made me think food instead. Maybe soul food. Food for the our eternal spirit. God's Word. Jesus did say, "Man does not live by bread alone." We shall grow spiritually with spiritually food.
NIV uses the word appetite. It made me think food right away too. Everyone has an appetite for either worldliness or godliness. We have to choose what to work hard at. If we choose worldliness, we will never be filled in spiritually. There will never be enough when we are lazy at working toward godliness. Ecc5:10
I have been working slowly towards discerning what God wants me to be doing VS my own wants. I want to have a good appetite for working towards the right things, not empty things that don't matter to Him. May all of us strive for a godly appetite for spiritual growth, and never give up desiring it with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength.
LORD, You are my God, continue to teach me through this verse. I can't get enough of You and what wisdom You have for me. Use me, humble me, teach me, direct me, help me to always glorify you in everything I do. Focus my eyes on You and what You have called me to do and who You have called me to be. Give me strength to not seek human praise and ignore human jeer, but to turn my gaze upon You. Thank You Lord for giving me abundant life I never dreamed I would have. Truly, You know what's best for me. In Jesus' name I pray to You. AMEN.
One of the heart issues I was revisiting tonight is what I had mentioned in the blog on Sept 5, 2012, just a couple of weeks ago. I wrote the verse I mentioned on the cover on my bible, and when it fades, I re-write it. I just rewrote it two nights ago actually.
I went on biblegateway, and I put different versions together and studied them. Click on this, this is what I had on my screen.
In the last block, the Chinese version, it says, "Lazy man admire from afar but can't ever achieve; those who put all their might into hard work are promised prosperity." Sounds like a Chinese proverb!! ;) It says what it means and means what it says. The word admire, gives a longing for whatever they try to achieve. Also, the second part gives "umph" to the hard work. It's like triple hard work. Then, the word promised, it's gives me a "wow, finally, satisfaction is here" feeling. I love this version and how I translated it, hahaha.
Now look at Holman Christian, the slacker, here, is someone who just mopes and sits around doing nothing, even though it sounds like he knows what he should be doing. Well, he gets nothing! The ones who are diligent are satisfied, whatever they need or want to accomplish.
How about ESV? I wonder if the original language had the word "pneuma" or what in it? It says soul. But, I get it. It's deeper. It's not about material. Not about things. As I blogged on Sept 5, I crave to have spiritual things done, and when I don't work hard to get them, my SOUL feels like failure, like confused, I feel unrest.
NASB is similar to ESV.... except for the word FAT at the end LOL made me think food instead. Maybe soul food. Food for the our eternal spirit. God's Word. Jesus did say, "Man does not live by bread alone." We shall grow spiritually with spiritually food.
NIV uses the word appetite. It made me think food right away too. Everyone has an appetite for either worldliness or godliness. We have to choose what to work hard at. If we choose worldliness, we will never be filled in spiritually. There will never be enough when we are lazy at working toward godliness. Ecc5:10
I have been working slowly towards discerning what God wants me to be doing VS my own wants. I want to have a good appetite for working towards the right things, not empty things that don't matter to Him. May all of us strive for a godly appetite for spiritual growth, and never give up desiring it with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength.
LORD, You are my God, continue to teach me through this verse. I can't get enough of You and what wisdom You have for me. Use me, humble me, teach me, direct me, help me to always glorify you in everything I do. Focus my eyes on You and what You have called me to do and who You have called me to be. Give me strength to not seek human praise and ignore human jeer, but to turn my gaze upon You. Thank You Lord for giving me abundant life I never dreamed I would have. Truly, You know what's best for me. In Jesus' name I pray to You. AMEN.
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
The Last Convo
Phill, my husband, and I have been praying for weeks about today.
Did I have a clue it was today? No. Not till this morning.
I woke up with a headache. At around 8am, my ears were choosing to pick up low pitches extraordinarily, attributing to an elevated headache. I started praying, and praying about the meeting, knowing M and S are coming. Then, I got this affirmation. A peace that transcends all understanding, 100% certainty, no doubt.
I gotta be honest to say, that after 1.5 years, I have wanted this moment, but I was never 100% sure. At some points, I did get a bit exhausted, maybe a little frustrated here and there, wanted my "JW day" to be my day again... But my response wasn't, wow finally, or yay. It was yes Lord, I will obey.
To give you some background info, we had been going through their little yellow book "What does the Bible really teach?" We were on Ch15 when we could not go on. So they suggested to go back to Ch1 and skimming through the subtitles of the chapters. By that time, I narrowed my questions down to 3 of them. 1.Spirit after death 2.Jesus the angel 3.Trinity/Modalism. For the past 2 weeks, I had been interviewing them about #1, asking them for evidence.
Here are the highlights of our conversation, remember we talked as friends, our tones are kind and light. Very much like just talking to our next door neighbor:
1. I started by stating that I have been praying about this a lot, that it's not so much about the different issues but that if an organization is truly chosen by God, I am in because God is never wrong even tho people are imperfect and will make mistakes. On the other hand, if an organization shows false teachings, I am out, cuz God would want me out.
2. They continued to show me magazines and evidences that makes their organization truly awesome. Everyone volunteers, everyone loves each other, their teachings are the same internationally... I said to any of this, "this is commendable. I really appreciate this." They said, how did the Bible say we can tell if an organization is true or false? it's by its fruits. Good fruits only grow on good tree, and bad fruits only grow on bad trees. Our organization never sweeps anything under the rug, our brothers and sisters serve one another etcetcetc... I said, well, I guess I see the good fruits and trees differently. I don't see it just talking about an organization. I see it talking about individuals. People as good trees carrying good fruits can be associated with an organization that is a bad tree carrying bad fruits. And people can have bad fruits and be associated with an organization that carries good fruits. That why God prunes away.
3. I had a question in Revelation 9:1-11. Who is Abaddon? Who is the angel of the abyss? Who are the locusts? What are their jobs? (side note: previously they had given me a red publication named "Revelation - a great climax") The reason I asked these questions was because if you read the passage, you would know the answer is obvious. Who else would rise up from the bottom of the abyss? Who else would be the King angel? I quoted all the verses about locusts and Abaddon in OT book of Joel . They refused to answer me. They kept saying we need to research. S at one point said, give me that red book. I said, no I don't want to upset you. S laughed, just give it to me! So I did. Page 148, “Their king is the angel of the abyss. His Jewish name is Abaddon… (Revelation 9:11). Jesus as the “angel of the abyss” and the “destroyer” inflicted indeed a deadly plague on the Christian world.” (p. 148). You would not believe it, but at first they refused to acknowledge the natural explanation from the bible. After several readings, she said, the red book says.... I kindly interrupted no, this bible right here says something different from that book. I cannot accept that Jesus is the angel of the abyss and that he is the king of these locusts.
4. Deuteronomy 18:20-22 I read through my research, not just 1975 cuz they will say that never happened, that the elders of the congregations misunderstood. And of course, I told them, that doesn't make any sense that some elders from some halls from some cities can then affect all congregations from all the halls from the whole world. My grandma has been JW for more than 40 years, I know this happened. S brought up jw.org on her phone and started reading how she knows her organization is the one true religion. The WT loves using anecdotes to prove their points cuz Jesus used parables. anyway, at one point she read about handing out maps so people can know how to get to their destination. So I asked, how do we know how reliable these maps are? The map giver is always going to say that theirs are the most reliable.... I said, if in 1800 I can do something to go to heaven but in 2015 it's no longer valid, I think that map is not very reliable. I then brought up the bible verse and I said, I don't want to disobey God. I cannot study this organization's material anymore. They started to pack up after these 2.5 hours.
5. Funny thing. S keeps asking me questions.
a) so, do you have the truth? yes, i do. it is right here in this bible alone. just the bible.
b) where are you going to go when you die? i am going to be with God. I know there are many discussions about heaven and hell, but the bible is clear about one thing, you die either to be with God or to be without God. It says, if you accept Jesus as your Savior, believe He died for your sins, and confess with your mouth, you are going to be with God. I am going to be with God.
c) how do you know what your church teaches is true? my husband and i are not "baptists" we are God fearing people who follow the bible. we just happen to go to a baptist seminary, it's not a title or label. If a church we walk into does not teach the bible, we walk away. If a church teaches the bible but God has not brought us there, we walk away too. Only if a church teaches the bible and God has called that we stay to serve. We are not bound to one organization.
d) what were you before you became a Christian? i was into new age, a little buddhism here, a little hinduism there, a bit of atheism... i used to have nightmares about dying when i was a kid.
and then I started reading the bible and found God.
e) but your bibles took out jehovah's name.... yes and studying with y'all have opened my eyes to that. that's why i have been seeking out bibles like Holmann Christian and New Jerusalem Bible that have YHWH in them.
No arguments, no debates, seasoned with truth.
6. Awww we are going to miss you.... Me: me too!!!!! drop by any time. email me, call me, text me!
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M and S will bring this sadly rare Christian kindness with them and to their hall. They are not going to black list me or my house. Their hall will send people back. I have complete peace and trust that God's work has been finished. Please continue to pray for M and S.
4. Deuteronomy 18:20-22 I read through my research, not just 1975 cuz they will say that never happened, that the elders of the congregations misunderstood. And of course, I told them, that doesn't make any sense that some elders from some halls from some cities can then affect all congregations from all the halls from the whole world. My grandma has been JW for more than 40 years, I know this happened. S brought up jw.org on her phone and started reading how she knows her organization is the one true religion. The WT loves using anecdotes to prove their points cuz Jesus used parables. anyway, at one point she read about handing out maps so people can know how to get to their destination. So I asked, how do we know how reliable these maps are? The map giver is always going to say that theirs are the most reliable.... I said, if in 1800 I can do something to go to heaven but in 2015 it's no longer valid, I think that map is not very reliable. I then brought up the bible verse and I said, I don't want to disobey God. I cannot study this organization's material anymore. They started to pack up after these 2.5 hours.
5. Funny thing. S keeps asking me questions.
a) so, do you have the truth? yes, i do. it is right here in this bible alone. just the bible.
b) where are you going to go when you die? i am going to be with God. I know there are many discussions about heaven and hell, but the bible is clear about one thing, you die either to be with God or to be without God. It says, if you accept Jesus as your Savior, believe He died for your sins, and confess with your mouth, you are going to be with God. I am going to be with God.
c) how do you know what your church teaches is true? my husband and i are not "baptists" we are God fearing people who follow the bible. we just happen to go to a baptist seminary, it's not a title or label. If a church we walk into does not teach the bible, we walk away. If a church teaches the bible but God has not brought us there, we walk away too. Only if a church teaches the bible and God has called that we stay to serve. We are not bound to one organization.
d) what were you before you became a Christian? i was into new age, a little buddhism here, a little hinduism there, a bit of atheism... i used to have nightmares about dying when i was a kid.
and then I started reading the bible and found God.
e) but your bibles took out jehovah's name.... yes and studying with y'all have opened my eyes to that. that's why i have been seeking out bibles like Holmann Christian and New Jerusalem Bible that have YHWH in them.
No arguments, no debates, seasoned with truth.
6. Awww we are going to miss you.... Me: me too!!!!! drop by any time. email me, call me, text me!
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M and S will bring this sadly rare Christian kindness with them and to their hall. They are not going to black list me or my house. Their hall will send people back. I have complete peace and trust that God's work has been finished. Please continue to pray for M and S.
Listen, if you have family or friends who are Jehovah's Witnesses, please don't give up talking to them. If you don't know how or you have before with no avail, please contact me. I will show you how to talk to them without getting upset or getting them upset. I have a great mentor and friend through out this journey and I couldn't have done it without him. For more than 30 years, he used to be a JW and used to write for their publications. He got out and now "an associate member of the Evangelical Theological Society. Member of ISCA, International Society of Christian Apologetics. Member of Mensa." All things are possible for God. He can free their minds!!!
Oh Lord my God, You are so awesome and amazing. What is a year and a half compared to an eternity when one soul repents and returns to You???? Thank You for sending M and S to my door. Thank You for giving me an opportunity to learn, to commit to a call, and to struggle through all this. Thank You for my supportive friends who kept me accountable and also my not so supportive friends who kept me humble. Help me now to rest and be still. Let my spirit rejoice and be glad. You are precious Jesus, whoever finds you is like finding a rare treasure in a vast field. Help me hold onto this..................... In your precious name, AMEN.
Sunday, September 23, 2012
Who doesn't?
I haven't found anyone who doesn't hate cancer. I have friends who has or had cancer and died from cancer. Sin has seriously brought it on. When sin entered this world through Adam, sin also corrupted all that is in the world and of the world. It is only through Christ we find any hope from this sick world.
Romans 5:18-19 Consequently, just as one trespass resulted in condemnation for all people, so also one righteous act resulted in justification and life for all people. For just as through the disobedience of the one man the many were made sinners, so also through the obedience of the one man the many will be made righteous.
I really don't like taking or giving medicine. I don't like hospitals or doctors. I guess I just have had too many bad experiences with them personally. Did I use to? No. Needles, shots, hospitals, doctors, dentists, were never a dislike for me. I went to them often and I was taught to relax and just let them do their thing and trust them 100%. Now, as I get older, wiser, teachable, knowledgeable etc, I just cannot believe what I have experienced, heard, read and tolerated.
I have learned to say no. I have learned to look for healthy alternatives. I have learned to think independently regardless of media bombardment, peer pressure, and cultural trends.
This is one of the articles that makes me shudder at doctors and researchers. http://www.thehealthyhomeeconomist.com/researchers-accidentally-discover-chemo-helps-tumors-grow/
Draw your own conclusions. I am not saying to not like doctors or hate meds or never ever go to the hospital. I am saying, read up, don't be lazy to research, don't be afraid to get second opinions, don't get all spooked out by natural remedies, learn learn and keep learning.
Romans 5:18-19 Consequently, just as one trespass resulted in condemnation for all people, so also one righteous act resulted in justification and life for all people. For just as through the disobedience of the one man the many were made sinners, so also through the obedience of the one man the many will be made righteous.
I really don't like taking or giving medicine. I don't like hospitals or doctors. I guess I just have had too many bad experiences with them personally. Did I use to? No. Needles, shots, hospitals, doctors, dentists, were never a dislike for me. I went to them often and I was taught to relax and just let them do their thing and trust them 100%. Now, as I get older, wiser, teachable, knowledgeable etc, I just cannot believe what I have experienced, heard, read and tolerated.
I have learned to say no. I have learned to look for healthy alternatives. I have learned to think independently regardless of media bombardment, peer pressure, and cultural trends.
This is one of the articles that makes me shudder at doctors and researchers. http://www.thehealthyhomeeconomist.com/researchers-accidentally-discover-chemo-helps-tumors-grow/
Draw your own conclusions. I am not saying to not like doctors or hate meds or never ever go to the hospital. I am saying, read up, don't be lazy to research, don't be afraid to get second opinions, don't get all spooked out by natural remedies, learn learn and keep learning.
Thursday, September 20, 2012
Art of fear
I love this artistic statement Liu is making. As a Christian, as a Hong Kong citizen, as a US citizen, as the Presidential election approaches, as the day of the LORD approaches, etc this speaks to me so loudly about this world. This picture is what many people feel and probably what Liu feels as Chinese. This is what God's words have to say:
Phillipians 4-9
Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.
Take a look:
The Mending Project, an installation by artist Beili Liu consists of "hundreds of Chinese scissors suspended from the ceiling, pointing downwards. The hovering, massive cloud of scissors alludes to distant fear, looming violence and worrisome uncertainty. [Liu] sits beneath the countless sharp blades of the scissors, and performs the on-going simple task of mending."
Phillipians 4-9
Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.
Take a look:
The Mending Project, an installation by artist Beili Liu consists of "hundreds of Chinese scissors suspended from the ceiling, pointing downwards. The hovering, massive cloud of scissors alludes to distant fear, looming violence and worrisome uncertainty. [Liu] sits beneath the countless sharp blades of the scissors, and performs the on-going simple task of mending."
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Thursday, September 13, 2012
Music to my ear
It's been a long long time since I woke up to Hanon.
I have woken up to them practicing a little song. But not Hanon yet.
I grew up waking up to my mother teaching piano. Every Saturday and Sunday morning, I'd hear my mom's students play classical music and technique exercises.
This morning at 8, I woke up to a familiar sound. I was a little confused, but as I awoke, I realized Isaac was practicing Hanon #1 by himself. It was truly music to my ears. My eyes opened wide and I propped up going, huh? I tried to figure out if it was Abigail or Isaac. Out of curiosity, I went to the living room and found out I was right. :)
It was a very sweet moment.
I have woken up to them practicing a little song. But not Hanon yet.
I grew up waking up to my mother teaching piano. Every Saturday and Sunday morning, I'd hear my mom's students play classical music and technique exercises.
This morning at 8, I woke up to a familiar sound. I was a little confused, but as I awoke, I realized Isaac was practicing Hanon #1 by himself. It was truly music to my ears. My eyes opened wide and I propped up going, huh? I tried to figure out if it was Abigail or Isaac. Out of curiosity, I went to the living room and found out I was right. :)
It was a very sweet moment.
Thursday, September 6, 2012
Hymn Medley
Another Hymn Medley
Arr. Jo Jo
(Synth)
GCG GC
Alleluia Alleluia
C G
For our Lord God Almighty reigns
GCG GC
Alleluia Alleluia
C G
For our Lord God Almighty reigns
GC
Alleluia (Guitar fade in)
C GC G
Holy Holy
C G D
Are You Lord God Almighty
C
Worthy is the Lamb
C
Worthy is the Lamb
GC G
You are Holy Holy
C G D
Are You Lord God Almighty
C
Worthy is the Lamb
C
Worthy is the Lamb
G D G(bm) A
Amen
D
I stand amazed in the presence
A D
Of Jesus the Nazarene,
Of Jesus the Nazarene,
G D
And wonder how He could love me,
And wonder how He could love me,
D A D
A sinner, condemned, unclean.
A sinner, condemned, unclean.
D
how marvelous! how wonderful!
how marvelous! how wonderful!
A
And my song shall ever be:
And my song shall ever be:
D (bm)
how marvelous! how wonderful!
how marvelous! how wonderful!
G em A D
Is my Savior's love for me!
Is my Savior's love for me!
D
He took my sins and my sorrows,
He took my sins and my sorrows,
A D
He made them His very own;
He made them His very own;
G D
He bore the burden toCalvary ,
He bore the burden to
D A D
And suffered and died alone.
(Bonified piano solo)
And suffered and died alone.
(Bonified piano solo)
D
When with the ransomed in glory
When with the ransomed in glory
A D
His face I at last shall see,
His face I at last shall see,
G D
’Twill be my joy through the ages
’Twill be my joy through the ages
D A D
To sing of His love for me.
To sing of His love for me.
D G
My chains are gone
D
I've been set free
G D
My God, my Savior has ransomed me
G D
And like a flood His mercy rains
GA D
Unending love, Amazing grace (2X)
D G D
The earth shall soon dissolve like snow ( fade)
A
The sun forbear to shine
D G D
But God, Who called me here below
D A D
Will be forever mine
G A D
Will be forever mine
D GA D
You are forever mine
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
Satisfaction
Hey. I struggle with feeling like I'm failing all. the. time. I always have some excuse for myself to fail. You know my life verse? Proverbs 13:4. Perfect for me. "The sluggard craves and gets nothing, but the desires of the diligent is fully satisfied."
I have to be honest, I bend towards laziness. Growing up, I did nothing but sit in front of a TV or mope around daydreaming. Now that I am a new creation in Christ, when I am lazy, I also crave to get stuff done. I really do. I have this craving to be a godly mom and godly wife and I have a plan in my head.
I don't want to be the sluggard who just keeps having these cravings of what my life should be or who I should become or why I did not do something. If these godly desires don't get fully satisfied, my heart gets confused, defeated, deflated, and crushed!
FAILURE gets etched in my brain and heart when my negative feelings collide with my godly cravings.
When I read this verse, I am so convicted and motivated. It's written on the cover of my bible. I say it to myself before I go to sleep, because the second part of the verse is my goal. I want to be FULLY satisfied. That includes my spiritual walk with Jesus, housework, homeschooling, working out, being submissive... everything! The fruits of satisfaction pleases not only me, but my God.
LORD, Continue to teach me to do all things unto Your glory. AMEN.
Thursday, July 26, 2012
A bit of my conversation with the Jehovah's Witnesses on Tuesday
Instead of M and S, S brought her mom, P, this past Tuesday. M is training to be a pioneer, which is a full time missionary for WT. This is part of our conversation after a video about Charles T Russell. They brought it over because i had mentioned something about WT starting with CTR and not the disciples.
S-what did you think of the video? does WT still seem like it starts from just one man?
Me-i think the dvd was really good. it really shared a lot of Russell's faith journey.
S-like it said, trinity is not in the bible and yet churches teach it like it's truth.
Me-you're right.... hmmm... but the word bible is not in the bible either....how come the dvd teaches that trinitarinism like it's modalism?
Smom-what's modalism?
Me-what the dvd and the WT teaches. that Jesus is God is the Holy Spirit.
Smom-that is the trinity.
Me-no it's not. that's modalism. united pentacostal churches teach that. but that's only one church.
Smom-it doesn't matter, they are all the same.
Me-no, that's not true. modalism is God, Jesus, Spirit as 1 person 3 roles. the trinity is where 3 completely different persons, 1 divine nature. God the Father is greater than Jesus the Son, and the Holy Spirit is the helper. They are 3 different persons.
Smom-i have many Christian people explain to trinity like this: I am Pandora, I am a mother, a daughter and also a grandmother.
Me-that's modalism. Trinity is, Adam and eve, 2 persons, 1 union. also we are a church, ears, eyes, feet, hands, but 1 church.
Smom-that's not what our other christian friends explain it to us. we have never heard trinity being explained that way.
S-do you believe in the trinity?
Me-my community teaches...
S-no, you, Joanna.
Me-I do. because when i read the scriptures, nothing contradicts. God the father sends Jesus the Son. Jesus dies and resurrects, then Jesus the Son sends the Holy Spirit.
S-so do you believe Jesus has a beginning?
Me-In the beginning He was with God the Father.
S-was he made?
Me-if God the Father, Jesus the Son, and the Spirit are 3 persons in 1, how could Jesus have been made if YWHW was not made?
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This is my plea!!! Preachers, Pastors, Teachers, USE God's Word to preach God's Word! This seems elementary, but so many of you have been wussified. You have sold your Bible for numbers. You have sold your calling for popularity. I wanted you to read what my conversation was because it shows how Christians cannot explain what the Trinity is right off without using another horrible modalism illustration. I am not talking about the church goers. I am talking about preachers, pastors, their wives, Sunday school teachers, leaders, and PARENTS. Great if you went or go to seminary and you do. Truth is, the largest percentage of conversions are Baptists turned JWs. I have talked to at least 10 JW's who used to be Baptists, or their parents are Baptists. They all said, I had a question about the trinity, or death, or hell, or being saved... and no one answered me. Or, they drew this diagram on a paper, told me they will get back to me, and never did. Or, it didn't make any sense and they didn't show me where in the bible. Again, it's not whether or not these questions were answered. It's about you selling out on Sundays, holding the Holy Bible of 66 books, and using several verses or even worse I've seen, ONE verse to "preach God's Word"! You only have 1 day, for what, 20 minutes, a week to speak to many of these people. What a GRAVE responsibility, at that pulpit that you hoard, to read Straight from His Word, His Mouth, and His Heart! How many of those words you preach every Sunday is your opinion on a specific topic? Let your people have His Words! They want it! If they don't want it, they don't want Him. If they reject you, they are rejecting Him. If you don't preach straight from the Bible, why should you expect your congregation open theirs any other days of the week? Just think about it. In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. Preach, the Word. End of rant. Thanks for reading.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If you want to read more:
http://www.christianpost.com/news/2011-church-membership-southern-baptists-decline-cults-growing-48984/
This should make you mad at ourselves, specifically at the end when he lists that we believe in the "trinity -3 gods in one." A Jehovah's Witness's writing on wiki answers on the difference between Baptists and WT beliefs.
http://wiki.answers.com/Q/What_is_the_difference_between_a_Baptist_and_Jehovah's_Witnesses
S-what did you think of the video? does WT still seem like it starts from just one man?
Me-i think the dvd was really good. it really shared a lot of Russell's faith journey.
S-like it said, trinity is not in the bible and yet churches teach it like it's truth.
Me-you're right.... hmmm... but the word bible is not in the bible either....how come the dvd teaches that trinitarinism like it's modalism?
Smom-what's modalism?
Me-what the dvd and the WT teaches. that Jesus is God is the Holy Spirit.
Smom-that is the trinity.
Me-no it's not. that's modalism. united pentacostal churches teach that. but that's only one church.
Smom-it doesn't matter, they are all the same.
Me-no, that's not true. modalism is God, Jesus, Spirit as 1 person 3 roles. the trinity is where 3 completely different persons, 1 divine nature. God the Father is greater than Jesus the Son, and the Holy Spirit is the helper. They are 3 different persons.
Smom-i have many Christian people explain to trinity like this: I am Pandora, I am a mother, a daughter and also a grandmother.
Me-that's modalism. Trinity is, Adam and eve, 2 persons, 1 union. also we are a church, ears, eyes, feet, hands, but 1 church.
Smom-that's not what our other christian friends explain it to us. we have never heard trinity being explained that way.
S-do you believe in the trinity?
Me-my community teaches...
S-no, you, Joanna.
Me-I do. because when i read the scriptures, nothing contradicts. God the father sends Jesus the Son. Jesus dies and resurrects, then Jesus the Son sends the Holy Spirit.
S-so do you believe Jesus has a beginning?
Me-In the beginning He was with God the Father.
S-was he made?
Me-if God the Father, Jesus the Son, and the Spirit are 3 persons in 1, how could Jesus have been made if YWHW was not made?
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This is my plea!!! Preachers, Pastors, Teachers, USE God's Word to preach God's Word! This seems elementary, but so many of you have been wussified. You have sold your Bible for numbers. You have sold your calling for popularity. I wanted you to read what my conversation was because it shows how Christians cannot explain what the Trinity is right off without using another horrible modalism illustration. I am not talking about the church goers. I am talking about preachers, pastors, their wives, Sunday school teachers, leaders, and PARENTS. Great if you went or go to seminary and you do. Truth is, the largest percentage of conversions are Baptists turned JWs. I have talked to at least 10 JW's who used to be Baptists, or their parents are Baptists. They all said, I had a question about the trinity, or death, or hell, or being saved... and no one answered me. Or, they drew this diagram on a paper, told me they will get back to me, and never did. Or, it didn't make any sense and they didn't show me where in the bible. Again, it's not whether or not these questions were answered. It's about you selling out on Sundays, holding the Holy Bible of 66 books, and using several verses or even worse I've seen, ONE verse to "preach God's Word"! You only have 1 day, for what, 20 minutes, a week to speak to many of these people. What a GRAVE responsibility, at that pulpit that you hoard, to read Straight from His Word, His Mouth, and His Heart! How many of those words you preach every Sunday is your opinion on a specific topic? Let your people have His Words! They want it! If they don't want it, they don't want Him. If they reject you, they are rejecting Him. If you don't preach straight from the Bible, why should you expect your congregation open theirs any other days of the week? Just think about it. In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. Preach, the Word. End of rant. Thanks for reading.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If you want to read more:
http://www.christianpost.com/news/2011-church-membership-southern-baptists-decline-cults-growing-48984/
This should make you mad at ourselves, specifically at the end when he lists that we believe in the "trinity -3 gods in one." A Jehovah's Witness's writing on wiki answers on the difference between Baptists and WT beliefs.
http://wiki.answers.com/Q/What_is_the_difference_between_a_Baptist_and_Jehovah's_Witnesses
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
A Mama's struggles
My struggles as a mother have not come from my kids' misbehavior or weird conduct. It has come from my own childhood. Whatever I was struggling with then, I still struggle with now. The way I was wired then, is the way I am still wired now. My struggles as a mother still come from the ways I saw my parents acted and reacted. Yes, I am a new creation in Christ. Yes, I have gone through the renewing of my mind. Yes, I have been saved by grace through faith in Jesus. My struggles as a mother come as I realize that I have to go through these steps each and every day to ensure the purity, sanity, and sanctity of my mind, heart, and soul.
Truth? It's tough! My normal childhood in the world was not normal at all. My childhood was not just in the word, but of the world. Going to temples and worshiping statues were a norm. The yelling and screaming ending with a talk of divorce every night was a norm. A depressed suicidal childhood was a norm. These things followed me into pre-adulthood and magnified as I found myself unprepared for adulthood, so I played pretend.
Dare. The dare was to stop playing pretend. The falsehood that chained me to its bones had me think that I was somehow doing all right. When I met Jesus in my car, I was immediately baptized with the Holy Spirit. Confronted with endless grace, I knew I couldn't lie to the face of the living God.
Difference? Hope. My struggles of laziness, longing for more of God, an untamed tongue, unsubmissive heart, wild thoughts.... have only one hope. JESUS. I am thankful Jesus has cut my chains to my old self but I am not perfect. When Paul said "Therefore" in Romans 12:1, he was addressing the remnants of Israel. Last verse in chapter 11 says God has bound everyone to disobedience so that He may have mercy on them ALL. So "in view of God's mercy," we have to offer our tongue, our minds, our hearts, our ears, our eyes, our feet, our laughter, our tears, our happiness, our anger, our sufferings, as a "living sacrifice." Our worship to the one true hope, one true God, is the ways we treat and employ the bodies God has given us.
Charge. The charge is for ultimate holiness. "Do not conform to the pattern of this world," Paul says. What pattern? The patterns of infidelity, idolatry, speech, jealousy, hatred, Christian feminism, self righteousness, love of money. On top of that, Paul added, "but be transformed by the renewing of your mind." Renewed by God's Word, His righteousness, His kindness, His grace, His mercy, His submissiveness,.... everything that stands opposite to this world! Everything that the world cannot do without His help.
THEN! Then, I will be able to "test and approve what God's will is - His good, pleasing and perfect will."
My struggles as a mother has not ended, but it HAS an end. :) It is a victorious end and it lies at the foot of the cross, in the blood of Christ, by the grace of God.
"Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is —his good, pleasing and perfect will." Romans 12:1,2
Truth? It's tough! My normal childhood in the world was not normal at all. My childhood was not just in the word, but of the world. Going to temples and worshiping statues were a norm. The yelling and screaming ending with a talk of divorce every night was a norm. A depressed suicidal childhood was a norm. These things followed me into pre-adulthood and magnified as I found myself unprepared for adulthood, so I played pretend.
Dare. The dare was to stop playing pretend. The falsehood that chained me to its bones had me think that I was somehow doing all right. When I met Jesus in my car, I was immediately baptized with the Holy Spirit. Confronted with endless grace, I knew I couldn't lie to the face of the living God.
Difference? Hope. My struggles of laziness, longing for more of God, an untamed tongue, unsubmissive heart, wild thoughts.... have only one hope. JESUS. I am thankful Jesus has cut my chains to my old self but I am not perfect. When Paul said "Therefore" in Romans 12:1, he was addressing the remnants of Israel. Last verse in chapter 11 says God has bound everyone to disobedience so that He may have mercy on them ALL. So "in view of God's mercy," we have to offer our tongue, our minds, our hearts, our ears, our eyes, our feet, our laughter, our tears, our happiness, our anger, our sufferings, as a "living sacrifice." Our worship to the one true hope, one true God, is the ways we treat and employ the bodies God has given us.
Charge. The charge is for ultimate holiness. "Do not conform to the pattern of this world," Paul says. What pattern? The patterns of infidelity, idolatry, speech, jealousy, hatred, Christian feminism, self righteousness, love of money. On top of that, Paul added, "but be transformed by the renewing of your mind." Renewed by God's Word, His righteousness, His kindness, His grace, His mercy, His submissiveness,.... everything that stands opposite to this world! Everything that the world cannot do without His help.
THEN! Then, I will be able to "test and approve what God's will is - His good, pleasing and perfect will."
My struggles as a mother has not ended, but it HAS an end. :) It is a victorious end and it lies at the foot of the cross, in the blood of Christ, by the grace of God.
"Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is —his good, pleasing and perfect will." Romans 12:1,2
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Only what’s done for Christ will last.
"Two little lines I heard one day,
Traveling along life’s busy way;
Bringing conviction to my heart,
And from my mind would not depart;
Only one life, ’twill soon be past,
Only what’s done for Christ will last.
Only one life, yes only one,
Soon will its fleeting hours be done;
Then, in ‘that day’ my Lord to meet,
And stand before His Judgement seat;
Only one life,’twill soon be past,
Only what’s done for Christ will last.
Only one life, the still small voice,
Gently pleads for a better choice
Bidding me selfish aims to leave,
And to God’s holy will to cleave;
Only one life, ’twill soon be past,
Only what’s done for Christ will last.
Only one life, a few brief years,
Each with its burdens, hopes, and fears;
Each with its clays I must fulfill,
living for self or in His will;
Only one life, ’twill soon be past,
Only what’s done for Christ will last.
When this bright world would tempt me sore,
When Satan would a victory score;
When self would seek to have its way,
Then help me Lord with joy to say;
Only one life, ’twill soon be past,
Only what’s done for Christ will last.
Give me Father, a purpose deep,
In joy or sorrow Thy word to keep;
Faithful and true what e’er the strife,
Pleasing Thee in my daily life;
Only one life, ’twill soon be past,
Only what’s done for Christ will last.
Oh let my love with fervor burn,
And from the world now let me turn;
Living for Thee, and Thee alone,
Bringing Thee pleasure on Thy throne;
Only one life, “twill soon be past,
Only what’s done for Christ will last.
Only one life, yes only one,
Now let me say,”Thy will be done”;
And when at last I’ll hear the call,
I know I’ll say “twas worth it all”;
Only one life,’twill soon be past,
Only what’s done for Christ will last. ”
Only one life, ’twill soon be past,
Only what’s done for Christ will last.
And when I am dying, how happy I’ll be,
If the lamp of my life has been burned out for Thee.”
C.T. Studd (1860-1931) was an English missionary who faithfully served His Saviour in China, India, and Africa. His motto was: "If Jesus Christ is God and died for me, then no sacrifice can be too great for me to make for Him."
Traveling along life’s busy way;
Bringing conviction to my heart,
And from my mind would not depart;
Only one life, ’twill soon be past,
Only what’s done for Christ will last.
Only one life, yes only one,
Soon will its fleeting hours be done;
Then, in ‘that day’ my Lord to meet,
And stand before His Judgement seat;
Only one life,’twill soon be past,
Only what’s done for Christ will last.
Only one life, the still small voice,
Gently pleads for a better choice
Bidding me selfish aims to leave,
And to God’s holy will to cleave;
Only one life, ’twill soon be past,
Only what’s done for Christ will last.
Only one life, a few brief years,
Each with its burdens, hopes, and fears;
Each with its clays I must fulfill,
living for self or in His will;
Only one life, ’twill soon be past,
Only what’s done for Christ will last.
When this bright world would tempt me sore,
When Satan would a victory score;
When self would seek to have its way,
Then help me Lord with joy to say;
Only one life, ’twill soon be past,
Only what’s done for Christ will last.
Give me Father, a purpose deep,
In joy or sorrow Thy word to keep;
Faithful and true what e’er the strife,
Pleasing Thee in my daily life;
Only one life, ’twill soon be past,
Only what’s done for Christ will last.
Oh let my love with fervor burn,
And from the world now let me turn;
Living for Thee, and Thee alone,
Bringing Thee pleasure on Thy throne;
Only one life, “twill soon be past,
Only what’s done for Christ will last.
Only one life, yes only one,
Now let me say,”Thy will be done”;
And when at last I’ll hear the call,
I know I’ll say “twas worth it all”;
Only one life,’twill soon be past,
Only what’s done for Christ will last. ”
Only one life, ’twill soon be past,
Only what’s done for Christ will last.
And when I am dying, how happy I’ll be,
If the lamp of my life has been burned out for Thee.”
C.T. Studd (1860-1931) was an English missionary who faithfully served His Saviour in China, India, and Africa. His motto was: "If Jesus Christ is God and died for me, then no sacrifice can be too great for me to make for Him."
Sunday, November 20, 2011
MY God is a wonderful God
For the last few months, I have been challenged to live a confessed simple and submitted life. I have had a lot of experiences in life and I want everything to become part of my testimony. In seminary, the assumption is that people grew up in a Christian home and have godly parents/past. I was intimidated to becoming a pastor's wife, thinking there is some sort of shoe to fill or some job description i had to adhere to. i also thought i had to fit a certain mold in action dress etiquette and talk. now the Lord has always convicted me of not cursing, dressing modestly, eating healthily, season my conversations with grace and salt..... but my idea of a pastor/minister's wife was that i had to start wearing high heels, business looking type clothes, wear a purse, put makeup on, talk softly, etc... everything i am not! in the past few years, God has helped me understand He is not here to fit me into anyone's shoes since i won't be able to walk in them but to simply transform me continually into someone who does everything in reverence of Christ.
He LOVES me. I have a Heavenly Father who LOVES me. He is a perfect Father, the King of all Kings, the Sovereign LORD, my Savior, my Redeemer... that's all i need. Father God, all I want is to please You. Everything I do, I want to do for You. I want to do these things so I may know You, and the power of the resurrection. I will laugh, I will love, I will live, I will suffer, I will cry, I will grieve so I may know You as the Son knows You, as You know me... I will strive to know You through the Holy Spirit, through the Son who is the Word, through prayer, through song, through work, through parenting, through death, through life. So help me God, have grace on me, have mercy on me. I pray I will walk away from this life with one thought in my mind, that You, are mine, and I am Yours. Help us raise our children according to Your word and Your will. Shower Your blessings and grace upon them. Help each one of them overcome generational sins from our families. Forgive us as we exasperate them. Forgive us as we fail again and again in our relationships with You, with our spouse, and our children. Fill us with Thy Holy Spirit and continue Your ministry in us as we minister within our family and outside of our family. In Jesus' holy and awesome name I petition to You, AMEN.
He LOVES me. I have a Heavenly Father who LOVES me. He is a perfect Father, the King of all Kings, the Sovereign LORD, my Savior, my Redeemer... that's all i need. Father God, all I want is to please You. Everything I do, I want to do for You. I want to do these things so I may know You, and the power of the resurrection. I will laugh, I will love, I will live, I will suffer, I will cry, I will grieve so I may know You as the Son knows You, as You know me... I will strive to know You through the Holy Spirit, through the Son who is the Word, through prayer, through song, through work, through parenting, through death, through life. So help me God, have grace on me, have mercy on me. I pray I will walk away from this life with one thought in my mind, that You, are mine, and I am Yours. Help us raise our children according to Your word and Your will. Shower Your blessings and grace upon them. Help each one of them overcome generational sins from our families. Forgive us as we exasperate them. Forgive us as we fail again and again in our relationships with You, with our spouse, and our children. Fill us with Thy Holy Spirit and continue Your ministry in us as we minister within our family and outside of our family. In Jesus' holy and awesome name I petition to You, AMEN.
Saturday, September 10, 2011
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Thoughts
It's been a crazy semester! Greek has been way fun. It is getting a bit confusing but I am determined to get it. M and S have been coming on Tuesdays. I have not been stressed out or burdened about the studies anymore since using Hess' methods. I feel that we are there to clear up the facts of our faith since the WT are out to destroy our reputation to the general JW.
All 3 of us got to share our testimonies somehow and M actually has a very powerful story. M was a drug addict for over 20 years and she asked God to give her strength to get out. He did, she got out, but the WT got to here quicker than we did. So my question now is, did God pull her out of a lifestyle or did God pull her out of eternal damnation. Does M know the true Jesus? I mean, she knows which god did it. She obviously knows the God who sent Jesus was the true God. But did Jesus revealed Himself to her yet? Either way, she is being led astray.
S didn't really have a testimony. Her husband died and the KH was the only support system she had. She has a desire to grow closer to God but is that desire a desire to fit in or a desire to really truly be broken for Him?
LORD, be with M. If she is one of Your sheep, get her back now! Holy Spirit quicken Your steps. Jesus, reveal Yourself for Your are the Word and You are God. Stiffen her heart and mind to the WT lies. Soften her spirit to Your calling. Allow us to continue to share with her. Help her identify with us as her family and help us treat her as a sister in Christ if indeed she is one.
Another thing that has been on my mind a lot is Church. We have been hopping around for the summer. I have made a pact with the LORD that I will take a sabbatical in leading worship this year. I am just frustrated and almost angry with pastors who don't preach the Word of God. I put it this way to my husband. If you don't preach from the Bible and read from page to page on the podium on the Lord's Day, then you shouldn't expect any of your members to do so on their own leisure time. What a hypocritical thing to do! To preach about spending time in the Word, praying fervently, and making disciples, and yet, the Church is doing nothing to exemplify those important elements for its families. It makes me mad that pastors nowadays don't have the faith they need in God's Word. They say "surrender all" to the Lord Jesus, and yet they don't surrender their church or themselves at the podium. Surrender your human schemes, your human methods, your human words and allow the Word of God to be the double edged sword, active, and living for your congregation!
One more thing that is heavy on my heart is my friend Laurie. She has been taken away from her spiritual family time and time again. The Devil has just been separating her and her brothers and sisters in Christ from her and not allowing her to connect with any of them. When I fight with my brothers and sisters, we make up and we are deeper in our relationship. We don't shun one another and we don't dis fellowship one another like the KH. We definitely do not forsake our kinship over anything. My prayer for her is that she will come to see the patterns of hurt in her relationships with other believers and find in Jesus the grace to be able to deal with conflict. I want her to be talking to me but she's probably blocked all my emails, numbers and blogs. I am ok with this knowing that she is faithful in her time with the LORD. Jesus speak to her as You have many times before this about this. I trust You will place her with other believers she can fight and pray with. I also pray for her father especially because he is near his end. I pray You will open his eyes and snuff out his pride. May Your will be done.
LORD help me also to submit to my husband, prioritize my life and housework and school and kids and ministries better. Give me wisdom to say no to things I don't need to be doing. Discern for me what is right and wrong. Continue to mold my kids and give me grace while i parent them. Restore our relationships after we have tough days and give me self control and kindness. Humble me and teach me to actively listen to others. Show me how to be a worship leader like Solomon and give me diligence in practicing on my instruments and camera. I know you are active in my dad's life. I ask You Jesus to give him grievance over his sins. Tonight I pray that You will convict him and move him closer to You. Show him how much You love and chase after him and let him know that You are the Way the Truth the Life, the Resurrection, the Word, the Light, the Messiah, and God. In Your beautiful name I ask these things to be done, and for myself to have faith in Your faithfulness. AMEN.
All 3 of us got to share our testimonies somehow and M actually has a very powerful story. M was a drug addict for over 20 years and she asked God to give her strength to get out. He did, she got out, but the WT got to here quicker than we did. So my question now is, did God pull her out of a lifestyle or did God pull her out of eternal damnation. Does M know the true Jesus? I mean, she knows which god did it. She obviously knows the God who sent Jesus was the true God. But did Jesus revealed Himself to her yet? Either way, she is being led astray.
S didn't really have a testimony. Her husband died and the KH was the only support system she had. She has a desire to grow closer to God but is that desire a desire to fit in or a desire to really truly be broken for Him?
LORD, be with M. If she is one of Your sheep, get her back now! Holy Spirit quicken Your steps. Jesus, reveal Yourself for Your are the Word and You are God. Stiffen her heart and mind to the WT lies. Soften her spirit to Your calling. Allow us to continue to share with her. Help her identify with us as her family and help us treat her as a sister in Christ if indeed she is one.
Another thing that has been on my mind a lot is Church. We have been hopping around for the summer. I have made a pact with the LORD that I will take a sabbatical in leading worship this year. I am just frustrated and almost angry with pastors who don't preach the Word of God. I put it this way to my husband. If you don't preach from the Bible and read from page to page on the podium on the Lord's Day, then you shouldn't expect any of your members to do so on their own leisure time. What a hypocritical thing to do! To preach about spending time in the Word, praying fervently, and making disciples, and yet, the Church is doing nothing to exemplify those important elements for its families. It makes me mad that pastors nowadays don't have the faith they need in God's Word. They say "surrender all" to the Lord Jesus, and yet they don't surrender their church or themselves at the podium. Surrender your human schemes, your human methods, your human words and allow the Word of God to be the double edged sword, active, and living for your congregation!
One more thing that is heavy on my heart is my friend Laurie. She has been taken away from her spiritual family time and time again. The Devil has just been separating her and her brothers and sisters in Christ from her and not allowing her to connect with any of them. When I fight with my brothers and sisters, we make up and we are deeper in our relationship. We don't shun one another and we don't dis fellowship one another like the KH. We definitely do not forsake our kinship over anything. My prayer for her is that she will come to see the patterns of hurt in her relationships with other believers and find in Jesus the grace to be able to deal with conflict. I want her to be talking to me but she's probably blocked all my emails, numbers and blogs. I am ok with this knowing that she is faithful in her time with the LORD. Jesus speak to her as You have many times before this about this. I trust You will place her with other believers she can fight and pray with. I also pray for her father especially because he is near his end. I pray You will open his eyes and snuff out his pride. May Your will be done.
LORD help me also to submit to my husband, prioritize my life and housework and school and kids and ministries better. Give me wisdom to say no to things I don't need to be doing. Discern for me what is right and wrong. Continue to mold my kids and give me grace while i parent them. Restore our relationships after we have tough days and give me self control and kindness. Humble me and teach me to actively listen to others. Show me how to be a worship leader like Solomon and give me diligence in practicing on my instruments and camera. I know you are active in my dad's life. I ask You Jesus to give him grievance over his sins. Tonight I pray that You will convict him and move him closer to You. Show him how much You love and chase after him and let him know that You are the Way the Truth the Life, the Resurrection, the Word, the Light, the Messiah, and God. In Your beautiful name I ask these things to be done, and for myself to have faith in Your faithfulness. AMEN.
Saturday, August 20, 2011
Friday, August 12, 2011
Ministry launch :)
Eleven One Photography is my new ministry. Check out my website and like me on Facebook! : )
http://www.111photography.blogspot.com
http://www.facebook.com/#!/Eleven1Photography
Long story short, I have been wanting to start a photography "business" for years. But the last time I used my entrepreneurial ambition, I was in second grade where I opened up my very own "Dr. Jo's club" LOL! I fixed people's broken things like pens, pencil boxes, and then after a while i found out i could sell things i made like paper rings with a cute stamp on it. well, my teachers didn't like my "store" and told me to shut it down. I never started anything again.
So it's been a struggle to start this "business". It was hard to start the website, it was hard to start a FB page, it was hard to make flyers etc... I just couldn't enjoy taking pictures and editing them. I found myself hating that I was wasting my time... I prayed and prayed for the Lord to reveal to me why I was acting that way and I couldn't understand what was going on! I didn't understand why He gave me a desire to start a photography "business". One afternoon during lunch, He just gave me the words, "ministry first."
Everything clicked! That's why! Even the name 11:1 now made sense.
The story behind Eleven One
LORD, thank you for revealing these things to me. Thank You for being patient with me. Thank You for continuing to mold me. AMEN.
http://www.111photography.blogspot.com
http://www.facebook.com/#!/Eleven1Photography
Long story short, I have been wanting to start a photography "business" for years. But the last time I used my entrepreneurial ambition, I was in second grade where I opened up my very own "Dr. Jo's club" LOL! I fixed people's broken things like pens, pencil boxes, and then after a while i found out i could sell things i made like paper rings with a cute stamp on it. well, my teachers didn't like my "store" and told me to shut it down. I never started anything again.
So it's been a struggle to start this "business". It was hard to start the website, it was hard to start a FB page, it was hard to make flyers etc... I just couldn't enjoy taking pictures and editing them. I found myself hating that I was wasting my time... I prayed and prayed for the Lord to reveal to me why I was acting that way and I couldn't understand what was going on! I didn't understand why He gave me a desire to start a photography "business". One afternoon during lunch, He just gave me the words, "ministry first."
Everything clicked! That's why! Even the name 11:1 now made sense.
The story behind Eleven One
LORD, thank you for revealing these things to me. Thank You for being patient with me. Thank You for continuing to mold me. AMEN.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Step by Step
God I love that You are always ahead of me. You know my every need and every weakness. Thank You for being my perfect Father who loves me and takes care of me. There is no doubt in my mind You are a living God who is sovereign. Your hands have been in my life directing me. Your ears have been listening to my heart's cry. You have been chiseling me because You are mindful of me. Thank You for Laurie Thank You for 11:1 Thank You for moving me along while my feet dragged. Yes, Step by step, I am willing. Yes step by step, I deeply desire to. Give me the strength, perseverance, the kick in the butt. I might be doubting myself but I am not doubting You. Get me in gear, hold my hand and run, Holy Spirit consume me. Jesus You are it. AMEN.
Monday, August 8, 2011
What's going on
I don't know. I feel weird. Is it hormones? Is it a spiritual valley? Is it a tunnel? I don't know. I know for sure God is working in my life, no doubt about that. But I'm at a lost these days. A lot of things going on in my mind. A lot going on in life. A lot going on in the home and outside the home.
Today's meeting with M and S went all right. We had planned to go through chapter 4 of their little booklet "Who is Jesus Christ". When they came we started in the end of chapter 3 to "review". I somehow got into a position i don't think i had been before. Not for this long anyway. I talked for most of the hour. The question was something about Paradise Earth and the 144000. The thing is, they believe in a new earth which I too believe there will be a new heaven and a new earth. Fact is, I also believe I will be with God, fully reconciled to be in Heaven. But they don't. If you were "assigned" to be on the earth you will have a physical body and will be stuck on earth. But if you were "assigned" to be in heaven, you will have just a spirit... My problem isn't their theology. My problem is their salvation. I am bothered that they don't believe that once you believe in Jesus, you are His brother and "su casa es tu casa"!!!! You can dwell with God because it is not just God's Kingdom but your kingdom. They believe certain verses don't apply to them. Such as the wonderful phrases about seeing God's glory, being IN Christ Jesus, and have the ONE hope in Christ. Their hope is a "secondary" hope, resurrection hope. A hope from a partial God who refuses to open the door to heaven for them. THAT is my problem. I pray even though I had a running mouth today, that God used me to show genuine love and concern. That a seed of doubt and a seed of salvation were planted in their hearts and mind. It's only been 6 months and also already been 6 months.
LORD Jesus I believe in your perfect will in all of this. SHOW us what the next steps are. STrengthen us in our minds hearts and souls. We just want to show love for them and show them the so called "Christians" aren't that bad like they were taught. Grant us grace to persevere and help us to abide in You. also, Help the new prayer group to connect, carry each other's burdens, be transparent, and to glorify Your name. AMEN.
Today's meeting with M and S went all right. We had planned to go through chapter 4 of their little booklet "Who is Jesus Christ". When they came we started in the end of chapter 3 to "review". I somehow got into a position i don't think i had been before. Not for this long anyway. I talked for most of the hour. The question was something about Paradise Earth and the 144000. The thing is, they believe in a new earth which I too believe there will be a new heaven and a new earth. Fact is, I also believe I will be with God, fully reconciled to be in Heaven. But they don't. If you were "assigned" to be on the earth you will have a physical body and will be stuck on earth. But if you were "assigned" to be in heaven, you will have just a spirit... My problem isn't their theology. My problem is their salvation. I am bothered that they don't believe that once you believe in Jesus, you are His brother and "su casa es tu casa"!!!! You can dwell with God because it is not just God's Kingdom but your kingdom. They believe certain verses don't apply to them. Such as the wonderful phrases about seeing God's glory, being IN Christ Jesus, and have the ONE hope in Christ. Their hope is a "secondary" hope, resurrection hope. A hope from a partial God who refuses to open the door to heaven for them. THAT is my problem. I pray even though I had a running mouth today, that God used me to show genuine love and concern. That a seed of doubt and a seed of salvation were planted in their hearts and mind. It's only been 6 months and also already been 6 months.
LORD Jesus I believe in your perfect will in all of this. SHOW us what the next steps are. STrengthen us in our minds hearts and souls. We just want to show love for them and show them the so called "Christians" aren't that bad like they were taught. Grant us grace to persevere and help us to abide in You. also, Help the new prayer group to connect, carry each other's burdens, be transparent, and to glorify Your name. AMEN.
Saturday, July 23, 2011
He's raining on me
There is NO ONE who can throw me a better birthday celebration than my Creator. Almost 3 years ago in July, our family was in a valley similar to the one we were in these past few months. What else is Satan going to attack us for but in health, finance, relationships, and finally spiritual health?
Back in 2008, we had been in seminary for just over half a year. Phill was working 3 jobs to support the family, we hadn't had a tenant for our condo since we had left in november2007, i wasn't working, we felt called to try for the third baby, we were under God's mercy completely. We didn't have insurance at all and no held from the government. I never want anything for my birthday when phill or my parents asked, but God knew what I needed. On my birthday 2008, we found out we were pregnant, our friend found a tenant for our condo finally, and most of all, a random guy in the gym approached Phill to take over his seminar job that would pay for tuition! THAT was the best birthday ever!
Ups and downs in 2009 and 2010... attacks only when phill or i had ministry duties. But the huge attacks started half a year ago, with finances. It just got worse with the evaders in our property. Then our car and my dad with the JWs. We just KNEW we had to hang on. I spent my 30th birthday crying for my dad and didn't really celebrate it. My dad just wanted to be with us and that's totally fine. But i truly wasn't worried about my birthday. But again, God knew exactly what I needed for my birthday. He prepared me 5 months prior my dad's visit so He can outdo any gift ever to reach out to my dad for my birthday. He gave me the monitor i needed for the business path He has chosen for me in this season of life. And...... drumroll please, we just found out we have a buyer for our condo shortsale! which means, someone is willing to pay off our 1st and 2nd mortgage!!!!
LORD THANK YOU! BEST PRESENTS EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know You watch over me and You take care of me. You are my Father and You know what is the best for me. I have NO DOUBT You are sovereign and that You have EVERYTHING in Your control. Help me to continually let go of everything and let You have control. Remind me that even when I have no resources, that You are the One with KINGDOM RESOURCES. GLORIOUS GLORIOUS GLORIOUS! It is true, PS23.... I LACK NOTHING. I shall NOT WANT. because You've got it. I don't have to plan it, I don't have to get it, I don't have to chase it force it buy it have it. YOU've GOt it. You have taught me to pray, sit and wait. Now help me to teach my kids to do the same. Help me to teach them let YOu write their stories. THANK YOU. AMEN.
Back in 2008, we had been in seminary for just over half a year. Phill was working 3 jobs to support the family, we hadn't had a tenant for our condo since we had left in november2007, i wasn't working, we felt called to try for the third baby, we were under God's mercy completely. We didn't have insurance at all and no held from the government. I never want anything for my birthday when phill or my parents asked, but God knew what I needed. On my birthday 2008, we found out we were pregnant, our friend found a tenant for our condo finally, and most of all, a random guy in the gym approached Phill to take over his seminar job that would pay for tuition! THAT was the best birthday ever!
Ups and downs in 2009 and 2010... attacks only when phill or i had ministry duties. But the huge attacks started half a year ago, with finances. It just got worse with the evaders in our property. Then our car and my dad with the JWs. We just KNEW we had to hang on. I spent my 30th birthday crying for my dad and didn't really celebrate it. My dad just wanted to be with us and that's totally fine. But i truly wasn't worried about my birthday. But again, God knew exactly what I needed for my birthday. He prepared me 5 months prior my dad's visit so He can outdo any gift ever to reach out to my dad for my birthday. He gave me the monitor i needed for the business path He has chosen for me in this season of life. And...... drumroll please, we just found out we have a buyer for our condo shortsale! which means, someone is willing to pay off our 1st and 2nd mortgage!!!!
LORD THANK YOU! BEST PRESENTS EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know You watch over me and You take care of me. You are my Father and You know what is the best for me. I have NO DOUBT You are sovereign and that You have EVERYTHING in Your control. Help me to continually let go of everything and let You have control. Remind me that even when I have no resources, that You are the One with KINGDOM RESOURCES. GLORIOUS GLORIOUS GLORIOUS! It is true, PS23.... I LACK NOTHING. I shall NOT WANT. because You've got it. I don't have to plan it, I don't have to get it, I don't have to chase it force it buy it have it. YOU've GOt it. You have taught me to pray, sit and wait. Now help me to teach my kids to do the same. Help me to teach them let YOu write their stories. THANK YOU. AMEN.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
amazement
as y'all know, we have surrendered everything we are to God including financial security. He IS our security. we believe He is sovereign, and is our Provider. He is the Creator and therefore has all the resources we need. since the condo incident with our evading "friends", we have been really tight on the finance side of things. phill had actually sat me down and told me to send all 3 kids to school and work full time again. i begged him and God to give me a chance to use my gifts to do something where i could stay home and be with the kids. that's how ElevenOnePhotography got started.
again just as God prepared me to face my dad 5 months prior to his visit, God prepared me for this adventure. He gave me a passion to take pictures, a husband who owns and knows how to use photoshop, and is willing to invest in any gifts he sees in me. So in Dec, phill bought me a 2nd hand Canon. So... I take pictures. Tons of them. I learn to use photoshop, without knowing i'd NEED this skill now.
So a few weeks ago, when phill told me about going back to work, i thought, what can i do so i don't have to be a full time career woman again??? and it dawned on me, God has been equipping me step by step. Back in Feb, i was editing some pictures, and my screen kept going bad and phill had to bang the monitor or fix the cable, i pleaded with God for a new monitor. i really did. i said, "please LORD, if this is the path You have provided for our family, i need the equipment to do so."
In May, phill found this samsung monitor out in a dumpster with cracks all over the place. He brought it in and was so excited about it. i moaned and said, we do NOT need any broken down electronics in the house! get rid of it. phill calmly said to me, let me check the info on this monitor. i might be able to fix it or send it to a warehouse to fix it. and so, he did.
Today, this afternoon, the monitor was shipped back to us from Samsung. it's a flat screen 22" monitor that can also be used as a TV. it still has a crack on the top corner, but IT WORKS! i am looking at it right now! and the only money we had to spend was $10 on shipping! PRAISE GOD!!!!! :)
LORD, You're so good to me and my family. Thank You for looking out for me and taking care of me. Help us to rely on you continually. Let me glorify You with my life gifts skills speech etc. May You bless my ministries and provide for us. AMEN.
again just as God prepared me to face my dad 5 months prior to his visit, God prepared me for this adventure. He gave me a passion to take pictures, a husband who owns and knows how to use photoshop, and is willing to invest in any gifts he sees in me. So in Dec, phill bought me a 2nd hand Canon. So... I take pictures. Tons of them. I learn to use photoshop, without knowing i'd NEED this skill now.
So a few weeks ago, when phill told me about going back to work, i thought, what can i do so i don't have to be a full time career woman again??? and it dawned on me, God has been equipping me step by step. Back in Feb, i was editing some pictures, and my screen kept going bad and phill had to bang the monitor or fix the cable, i pleaded with God for a new monitor. i really did. i said, "please LORD, if this is the path You have provided for our family, i need the equipment to do so."
In May, phill found this samsung monitor out in a dumpster with cracks all over the place. He brought it in and was so excited about it. i moaned and said, we do NOT need any broken down electronics in the house! get rid of it. phill calmly said to me, let me check the info on this monitor. i might be able to fix it or send it to a warehouse to fix it. and so, he did.
Today, this afternoon, the monitor was shipped back to us from Samsung. it's a flat screen 22" monitor that can also be used as a TV. it still has a crack on the top corner, but IT WORKS! i am looking at it right now! and the only money we had to spend was $10 on shipping! PRAISE GOD!!!!! :)
LORD, You're so good to me and my family. Thank You for looking out for me and taking care of me. Help us to rely on you continually. Let me glorify You with my life gifts skills speech etc. May You bless my ministries and provide for us. AMEN.
Monday, July 18, 2011
feeling like samson
it's been an eventful few weeks with inlaws visiting and just this past weekend my dad and my brother were here from florida. if i hadn't shared before this, my grandmother, my dad's mom, has been a jehovah's witness for more than 40 years. actually, that was a big reason for me to have invited M and S to come study every Monday for 5 months now. If my grandma knocked on an evangelical Christian's door, i would've wanted him or her to have talked to my grandma or at least not slam the door on her face, affirming the hostility and "persecution" she suffered. jenn abbie and i have gone through ups and downs with M and S, persevering through it, getting frustrated, getting mad, getting headaches, doing tons of research, etc etc. all we knew was that God has opened a door and no one can close it.
skipping 5 months forward to last Monday, since we had found tons of discrepancies in a WT booklet M and S gave us, a thought came to me while i was on the phone with jenn. why don't i ask my dad to see if he could get some WT literature for us from grandma? so, that's exactly what i did.
thursday, dad and brother arrived. they emptied their goody bags for the kiddos and gave me a stack of WT booklets. i said thanks, we could really use these. how did you get them from grandma? dad said, oh well she gave me some but also the man i've been meeting with gave me some.
here i am, trying to stay very calm so i don't explode. long story short, the first night i was very upset and mad at the Devil, then Friday (my 30th bday) night, i cried to God from 3-5am, He gave me Isaiah 61. that's when i confessed that i truly did not feel like samuel but samson instead. He calmed me and told me it's ok, He used Samson anyways.
i was also ashamed how i thought for the whole time that i was being obedient to His open doors for the jehovah witnesses, but He actually was going before me because He loves and is chasing after my dad. Sat and Sun I was an emotional time bomb. I cried waking up, cried in the shower, cried when i prayed, cried when i worshiped, got choked up when i talked to friends or fb or texted...
so sunday evening, i was gearing up for a good talk before he got on the plane the next morning. he stood up from our living room conversation at 9 saying, well it's time for bed. as you can imagine, i was shocked and felt totally helpless. i stared at phill while we walked them to the bathroom area. dad asked phill if he wanted to take a shower first, he was polite and said, no you go right ahead. we walked defeated back to the couch, and i hit phill on his shoulder.
"why didn't you say yes?"
"cuz he wanted to take a shower"
"but if you did, i'll have a chance to talk to him again"
"i've talked to him, pastor frank talked to him, don't overdo it"
"but it's my dad. (tears)"
"i just don't want to make him feel forced"
"5months of equipping us and a few days with him. i'll listen to you. you are the spiritual leader of the household. if you say it's enough i will let it go and cry a lot, if not, we have to talk to him"
"well there's a part of me....."
dad suddenly shows up at the hallway holding a towel asking phill again, hey phill r u sure you don't want to take a shower first?
phill walked up to him and said, as a matter of fact, yes. i will a quick shower.
dad, a little surprised, walked over and sat down. phill looked at me and i stared at him in amazement with God's goodness. as soon as phill walked away, dad said, "hey what's wrong? why do you look so sad?" and you know, when people ask you why you are sad, all you do is bawl. so... that's what i did. i bawled for so long, he kept saying it's ok, you can tell daddy anything.
well short version is, i confessed to him that the waiting on God and praying and pleading for his life is hard. i also told him that him meeting with the JW was very disturbing and he quickly promised he will never meet with that guy ever again. he was surprised to hear that the core theology of WT teaches that Jesus was made and is Michael the Archangel, that only 144000 get to go to heaven, and that you cannot use aluminum for cooking etc etc. he told me not to worry about his salvation because he doesn't want me to cry anymore. but of course, i had to say it's not possible ever since God has given me His love for him. I told him the function of Jesus is such as this: when i die and stand before God. God will declare me guilty. God will declare all of us guilty. but because i received Jesus to be my lawyer and savior and Lord, He stands before God and defends me. it was generally a great conversation that allowed us to show God's love for him and understand why he couldn't decide which religion is true.
This morning, i cried again. i had to share with the kids as they jumped on my bed and kissed me. they had been praying hard for their grandpa too. isaac and esther went on playing while i cried but abigail, she came and hugged me, held onto my neck as i cried, she asked questions, we prayed. i told her, if you want stories like these in your life, all you have to do is obey God. let Him write your stories and you will have amazing stories like these to tell others.
Father God, You are SO good to me, my family, and my daddy. I praise you and I thank You for being sovereign, being strong when i wasn't, faithful when i lost faith, sustaining me while i was broken, leading me when i was lost, and anointing me when it was time. You are an AMAZING God who is living and breathing. Help me never to put you in a box, but to seek your path and follow it even when it doesn't make any sense. You surprise me and overwhelm me. You have reached down to me and now so obviously too reaching down to my father. Help me to remember that You are also reaching down to my kids with the same zeal and fervor. You, are a wonderful God. Give me grace to continually lay down all I have and all I am. AMEN.
Friday, July 8, 2011
Genderless classrooms....?!
MUST READ ARTICLE
"Have you heard about the recent report from Sweden about the staff of a preschool no longer using pronouns like "he" or "she" when referring to students? It's another example of what happens when marriage is redefined to include same-sex couples.
The preschool's approach to gender is a reflection of Sweden's national school curriculum that includes the mission of breaking down gender roles. For example, when playing "house," teachers suggest students role play with two or three taking the role of "mom."
These attempts at social engineering—impacting kids directly—aren't just happening overseas. An Oakland elementary school recently spent two days on "Gender Spectrum Diversity Training." Their reading list for second and third graders includes My Princess Boy and 10,000 Dresses, in which boy characters wear tiaras and magical dresses."
nothing more to say...... LORD have mercy on us and our next generations to come.
"Have you heard about the recent report from Sweden about the staff of a preschool no longer using pronouns like "he" or "she" when referring to students? It's another example of what happens when marriage is redefined to include same-sex couples.
The preschool's approach to gender is a reflection of Sweden's national school curriculum that includes the mission of breaking down gender roles. For example, when playing "house," teachers suggest students role play with two or three taking the role of "mom."
These attempts at social engineering—impacting kids directly—aren't just happening overseas. An Oakland elementary school recently spent two days on "Gender Spectrum Diversity Training." Their reading list for second and third graders includes My Princess Boy and 10,000 Dresses, in which boy characters wear tiaras and magical dresses."
nothing more to say...... LORD have mercy on us and our next generations to come.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Isaac's 4 tomorrow!
Im so proud of my little boy! God has gifted him in so many ways and has blessed him with so much. He is going to be like his daddy, a godly man after God's own heart. A few weeks ago, he was out at the clothes line with me helping me with laundry, ......
I asked him: what do you want to be when you grow up?
Isaac: I wanna be a firefighter.... and I want to build a house on the solid rock.
Me: Yeah? That's great. I am so glad to hear.
Isaac: Yes, and I want Abigail to build her house right next to mine.
Me: Why?
Isaac: because I love her. I love both of my sisters so much.
Me: Awww! you are one sweet boy.
Isaac: And I want your house to be next to mine too. So we can be close together.
Me: I want you to be close too! But what if your wife wants to live close to her parents which is far away?
Isaac: then I will give her the directions for her to drive there.
Me: but what if she wants to move close to her parents?
Isaac: mommy, if she wasn't a godly wife i wouldn't have married her.
To me, that was one of the deepest conversations I had with him. He has learned that a wife is to be submissive to her husband. Now when he is married, his number priority might be different and would not be to live close to us. But in his little mind, he knows that his responsibility is to make the big decisions and to lead his family with godliness. He blows my mind! And I thank You God for continuing to mold him and teach him through life, us, his sisters, and Your word.
Another conversation happened today when I rocked him at bedtime. (no i don't rock my kids to sleep still. the kids just take turns being "questioned" every night hahaha) anyway, he told me he was bullied at VBS. when i picked them up from VBS, abigail had told me she played with him which was weird because they were in different classes. as the story unfolds, i found out she was the only one brought out of her class for a little to play with isaac who was supposedly grouchy. the grouchiness came from the bullying. he told me the kids didn't want to play with him. so of course, i asked him if he took turns, if he tried to share, if he asked to play, if he did this or that... he basically said he would go to kids and they would turn around and play somewhere else! he told phill that he was "left alone". : ( what else could i feel but sad and heart broken? anyway i told him i know how he feels because i grew up in that environment where classmates bullied and didn't want to play with me. and i also told him that Jesus knows how he feels because after Judas gave him a kiss, all of His friends ran away and He suffered and died alone. Isaac is a good sport, still smiling as we talked. but he admitted he was sad. i told him he has to believe God is sovereign, that He has allowed this to happen so that he can share in Jesus' sufferings and so he would have compassion on other kids when they are "left alone".
I don't know why he was "left alone" but I do know that God uses everything to draw us close to Him. I know teaching Isaac all this will make an eternal difference in his life. I, too, have to believe that God is sovereign and has allowed this in his life. It's gonna be okay.
So.... I told him tomorrow is a new day, thanked Abigail for being a loving big sister, and kissed them good night. We have a week of celebrations planned for his birthday and we can't wait!!!
I asked him: what do you want to be when you grow up?
Isaac: I wanna be a firefighter.... and I want to build a house on the solid rock.
Me: Yeah? That's great. I am so glad to hear.
Isaac: Yes, and I want Abigail to build her house right next to mine.
Me: Why?
Isaac: because I love her. I love both of my sisters so much.
Me: Awww! you are one sweet boy.
Isaac: And I want your house to be next to mine too. So we can be close together.
Me: I want you to be close too! But what if your wife wants to live close to her parents which is far away?
Isaac: then I will give her the directions for her to drive there.
Me: but what if she wants to move close to her parents?
Isaac: mommy, if she wasn't a godly wife i wouldn't have married her.
To me, that was one of the deepest conversations I had with him. He has learned that a wife is to be submissive to her husband. Now when he is married, his number priority might be different and would not be to live close to us. But in his little mind, he knows that his responsibility is to make the big decisions and to lead his family with godliness. He blows my mind! And I thank You God for continuing to mold him and teach him through life, us, his sisters, and Your word.
Another conversation happened today when I rocked him at bedtime. (no i don't rock my kids to sleep still. the kids just take turns being "questioned" every night hahaha) anyway, he told me he was bullied at VBS. when i picked them up from VBS, abigail had told me she played with him which was weird because they were in different classes. as the story unfolds, i found out she was the only one brought out of her class for a little to play with isaac who was supposedly grouchy. the grouchiness came from the bullying. he told me the kids didn't want to play with him. so of course, i asked him if he took turns, if he tried to share, if he asked to play, if he did this or that... he basically said he would go to kids and they would turn around and play somewhere else! he told phill that he was "left alone". : ( what else could i feel but sad and heart broken? anyway i told him i know how he feels because i grew up in that environment where classmates bullied and didn't want to play with me. and i also told him that Jesus knows how he feels because after Judas gave him a kiss, all of His friends ran away and He suffered and died alone. Isaac is a good sport, still smiling as we talked. but he admitted he was sad. i told him he has to believe God is sovereign, that He has allowed this to happen so that he can share in Jesus' sufferings and so he would have compassion on other kids when they are "left alone".
I don't know why he was "left alone" but I do know that God uses everything to draw us close to Him. I know teaching Isaac all this will make an eternal difference in his life. I, too, have to believe that God is sovereign and has allowed this in his life. It's gonna be okay.
So.... I told him tomorrow is a new day, thanked Abigail for being a loving big sister, and kissed them good night. We have a week of celebrations planned for his birthday and we can't wait!!!
LORD, thank You for blessing us with Isaac. He is full of love, sweetness, kindness, generosity, righteousness, mischief, energy, talent, boy-ness, ideas, and questions! You have made him, he is Yours, continue to grow him, mold him, teach him, love him, protect him, and humble him through everyone and everything. May Your will be done in his life. In Your name I pray AMEN.
Saturday, June 4, 2011
busy summer 2011
with Phill's speaking engagement drawing near, 2 Corinthians 4 has been the passage I run to. Life has been nuts! Like a roller coaster.
First our condo and tenant.... still ongoing battle. Then our car has problems everything has been changed from air filter, fluids, fuses, tires, and today, we went to sams to get the tires rotated because TCS was lit up on the dashboard, sams broke a lug nut!!! it will cost a lot to replace whatever they should responsible for but will never own up to. then last night, i found a lump on phill's back... that's never good, so he's gonna get it checked on monday. and i got defriended over corn on FB. just because im a follower of Christ i believe. and these are just big events, i will not even go into the little events.
it's only the beginning of june. the retreat in san antonio is still 2 months away. Lord, if i didn't believe all this happens under Your umbrella, i would seriously scream! but please have mercy on us Lord. protect our children and us as we are committed to what You have called us to do! provide for us continually and give us peace through Your Son, the Word. help us to be diligent in chasing after You, sustain us as we get weak and tired. remind us to pray diligently with specific requests, a list to lift up as Hezekiah did when his kingdom was attacked by the Assyrians. i need Your help to be a godly woman, wife and mother. continue to reveal my sins and my shortcomings. transform me without reserve. i have no remorse in following You forever. let me suffer and hurt and make difficult decisions. but i will continue to chase after You and do Your will.
First our condo and tenant.... still ongoing battle. Then our car has problems everything has been changed from air filter, fluids, fuses, tires, and today, we went to sams to get the tires rotated because TCS was lit up on the dashboard, sams broke a lug nut!!! it will cost a lot to replace whatever they should responsible for but will never own up to. then last night, i found a lump on phill's back... that's never good, so he's gonna get it checked on monday. and i got defriended over corn on FB. just because im a follower of Christ i believe. and these are just big events, i will not even go into the little events.
it's only the beginning of june. the retreat in san antonio is still 2 months away. Lord, if i didn't believe all this happens under Your umbrella, i would seriously scream! but please have mercy on us Lord. protect our children and us as we are committed to what You have called us to do! provide for us continually and give us peace through Your Son, the Word. help us to be diligent in chasing after You, sustain us as we get weak and tired. remind us to pray diligently with specific requests, a list to lift up as Hezekiah did when his kingdom was attacked by the Assyrians. i need Your help to be a godly woman, wife and mother. continue to reveal my sins and my shortcomings. transform me without reserve. i have no remorse in following You forever. let me suffer and hurt and make difficult decisions. but i will continue to chase after You and do Your will.
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