it's been an eventful few weeks with inlaws visiting and just this past weekend my dad and my brother were here from florida. if i hadn't shared before this, my grandmother, my dad's mom, has been a jehovah's witness for more than 40 years. actually, that was a big reason for me to have invited M and S to come study every Monday for 5 months now. If my grandma knocked on an evangelical Christian's door, i would've wanted him or her to have talked to my grandma or at least not slam the door on her face, affirming the hostility and "persecution" she suffered. jenn abbie and i have gone through ups and downs with M and S, persevering through it, getting frustrated, getting mad, getting headaches, doing tons of research, etc etc. all we knew was that God has opened a door and no one can close it.
skipping 5 months forward to last Monday, since we had found tons of discrepancies in a WT booklet M and S gave us, a thought came to me while i was on the phone with jenn. why don't i ask my dad to see if he could get some WT literature for us from grandma? so, that's exactly what i did.
thursday, dad and brother arrived. they emptied their goody bags for the kiddos and gave me a stack of WT booklets. i said thanks, we could really use these. how did you get them from grandma? dad said, oh well she gave me some but also the man i've been meeting with gave me some.
here i am, trying to stay very calm so i don't explode. long story short, the first night i was very upset and mad at the Devil, then Friday (my 30th bday) night, i cried to God from 3-5am, He gave me Isaiah 61. that's when i confessed that i truly did not feel like samuel but samson instead. He calmed me and told me it's ok, He used Samson anyways.
i was also ashamed how i thought for the whole time that i was being obedient to His open doors for the jehovah witnesses, but He actually was going before me because He loves and is chasing after my dad. Sat and Sun I was an emotional time bomb. I cried waking up, cried in the shower, cried when i prayed, cried when i worshiped, got choked up when i talked to friends or fb or texted...
so sunday evening, i was gearing up for a good talk before he got on the plane the next morning. he stood up from our living room conversation at 9 saying, well it's time for bed. as you can imagine, i was shocked and felt totally helpless. i stared at phill while we walked them to the bathroom area. dad asked phill if he wanted to take a shower first, he was polite and said, no you go right ahead. we walked defeated back to the couch, and i hit phill on his shoulder.
"why didn't you say yes?"
"cuz he wanted to take a shower"
"but if you did, i'll have a chance to talk to him again"
"i've talked to him, pastor frank talked to him, don't overdo it"
"but it's my dad. (tears)"
"i just don't want to make him feel forced"
"5months of equipping us and a few days with him. i'll listen to you. you are the spiritual leader of the household. if you say it's enough i will let it go and cry a lot, if not, we have to talk to him"
"well there's a part of me....."
dad suddenly shows up at the hallway holding a towel asking phill again, hey phill r u sure you don't want to take a shower first?
phill walked up to him and said, as a matter of fact, yes. i will a quick shower.
dad, a little surprised, walked over and sat down. phill looked at me and i stared at him in amazement with God's goodness. as soon as phill walked away, dad said, "hey what's wrong? why do you look so sad?" and you know, when people ask you why you are sad, all you do is bawl. so... that's what i did. i bawled for so long, he kept saying it's ok, you can tell daddy anything.
well short version is, i confessed to him that the waiting on God and praying and pleading for his life is hard. i also told him that him meeting with the JW was very disturbing and he quickly promised he will never meet with that guy ever again. he was surprised to hear that the core theology of WT teaches that Jesus was made and is Michael the Archangel, that only 144000 get to go to heaven, and that you cannot use aluminum for cooking etc etc. he told me not to worry about his salvation because he doesn't want me to cry anymore. but of course, i had to say it's not possible ever since God has given me His love for him. I told him the function of Jesus is such as this: when i die and stand before God. God will declare me guilty. God will declare all of us guilty. but because i received Jesus to be my lawyer and savior and Lord, He stands before God and defends me. it was generally a great conversation that allowed us to show God's love for him and understand why he couldn't decide which religion is true.
This morning, i cried again. i had to share with the kids as they jumped on my bed and kissed me. they had been praying hard for their grandpa too. isaac and esther went on playing while i cried but abigail, she came and hugged me, held onto my neck as i cried, she asked questions, we prayed. i told her, if you want stories like these in your life, all you have to do is obey God. let Him write your stories and you will have amazing stories like these to tell others.
Father God, You are SO good to me, my family, and my daddy. I praise you and I thank You for being sovereign, being strong when i wasn't, faithful when i lost faith, sustaining me while i was broken, leading me when i was lost, and anointing me when it was time. You are an AMAZING God who is living and breathing. Help me never to put you in a box, but to seek your path and follow it even when it doesn't make any sense. You surprise me and overwhelm me. You have reached down to me and now so obviously too reaching down to my father. Help me to remember that You are also reaching down to my kids with the same zeal and fervor. You, are a wonderful God. Give me grace to continually lay down all I have and all I am. AMEN.
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