Renewed patience

After my appt with one of my midwives (I have 4) I have a renewed patience for my 3rd baby's pregnancy! I was totally wanting it to come out and now I am okay. My midwife was very encouraging and answered all my questions about our VBAC after 2 Ceasareans. I think God has also increased my courage and given me complete peace for this decision.

I know VBACs sound dangerous and I know people who think we are crazy even for trying to have babies naturally. Oh it stretches you and your husband will never love you again. Not true. Oh Csections are better(that's like saying formula is better for your babies). Not true. Oh a woman recovers from Csections faster and better. So not true. Oh you will have ruptures doing VBAC. Not really true either. I have read statistics after statistics, testimonies after testimonies, talked to doctors and midwives, and Phill and I are convinced VBACs are safe.

I wanted to have Abigail naturally and went through labor for more than 20 hours without drugs until emergency surgery was unavoidable. I was so mad at Abigail for having a huge head and upset at the Lord. He made us and a woman's body a certain way to have babies. Did He make my birthing organs differently??? I was just plain mad because I wanted to have a testimony and was going to give Him all glory. Through that experience, He taught me that I just really wanted to be in control. He taught me that His ways and thoughts are always higher than mine. My pride was in the way. It just wasn't time. Abigail was BIG.

Isaac was another case, he just never wanted to come out at all. He wasn't big at all. Skinny little kid. Still is. He just didn't want out. Even during the CSection when the doctor tried to grab him, he wiggled up higher and higher to avoid coming into the world. We wanted a VBAC but no one in Miami was willing to do one. My midwife was. But the hospital wasn't. This time I was only mad at Isaac cuz he didn't sleep, eat, or poop well. His poop was always everywhere.

So, this time around, my midwives and even doctors in the hospital are on the same page. Wait for the baby to come. Be patient. That's it. I feel so encouraged and excited. Phill and I also printed out this maternity acupressure booklet online that will help with everything during labor. We are packing a suitcase, and we are ready to go for days in labor if need be. We are going to start a prayer chain and we are going to ask for intercessory prayers. We are so excited. When this baby comes out, we are going to hold it, cry, and give thanks to God. And I have learned, if VBAC is not successful, I will still give thanks because He is sovereign.

Isaiah 55
8 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,"
declares the LORD.

9 "As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.

10 As the rain and the snow
come down from heaven,
and do not return to it
without watering the earth
and making it bud and flourish,
so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,

11 so is my word that goes out from my mouth:
It will not return to me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire
and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.

12 You will go out in joy
and be led forth in peace;
the mountains and hills
will burst into song before you,
and all the trees of the field
will clap their hands.

13 Instead of the thornbush will grow the pine tree,
and instead of briers the myrtle will grow.
This will be for the LORD's renown,
for an everlasting sign,
which will not be destroyed."

Sideways

So other than having to cook sideways, wash dishes sideways, carry the kids sideways, hugging my husband sideways, and sleep sideways, I am also having to lead worship sideways. I have done that before while I was pregnant with Abigail but I was never this big! I reached 9 months and my bass could still be just kinda sideways. Now the guitar neck is a bit shorter so it's easier to play sideways, but the bass back is quite a bit longer. It's also heavier because it's electric. Anyway, I am, I am truly thankful that God has allowed me to lead worship again and I know this is my calling. I am just praying that this baby will come out already so I can stop being sideways. (for a year and a half till we have our fourth, that is)

God help me. I feel so heavy and tired. Give me patience and wisdom with the children. Use me in my iniquities. Create in me a new and clean heart. Never stop transforming me. Help me to respect and love my husband. Help me to hold my tongue when my sinful nature wants me to tear down. Help me build others up with Your words. Provide the fruits of the Spirit for all my actions and words, that I may live in You and Your promises. AMEN.

Bragging on Him

I wish I documented better how God has been providing for us all these years. On Christmas day, we spent lunch with the homeless on Hemphill rd. and since then, we've been eating with them every other Saturdays. The week right after Christmas, God provided this set of 1200 bucks worth of cast iron pots and pans from our neighbors for me to cook more and better! I didn't even really think about it till this morning when I cooked all 5 boxes of macaronis in one pot. I realized His provisions of details and non details. I gotta finish cooking the ground beef now.

Learning about myself

I've been reading so many books on how to be a better follower of Christ, wife, and mother since Abigail and Isaac started taking naps in the bunk bed. Don't get me wrong, I loved my naps with them. It's just, I needed personal time to grow and learn. I have discovered so many things about myself and why I am the way I am just from praying and reading these books. I thought I was just learning how to serve and love my kids and I ended up also learning how to be loved and love others. When I first surrendered to Christ, I had a love that overflowed my cup and I knew I was transformed and I was so close to Jesus because I was a baby spiritually. Love came so easy like how all children love. But as I matured and grew as a believer, went through valleys and mountains, it got harder and harder. I knew Jesus' power because I came to know His love when I surrendered. I will never stop seeking to love like He does.

"but to those whom God has called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God. For the foolishness of God is wiser than man's wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man's strength." 1 Cor 1:24-25

God help me learn more and mature more in You so I may serve more and love more for You. I pray that my children and children's children will be blessed because of Your faithfulness. Take away their foolishness and replace with wisdom. Guide us so we may help them mature emotionally and spiritually. Humble us and continue to reveal the truth to us about ourselves. Help us to be transparent to each other and love each other unconditionally. AMEN

BABY KOO #3 ?!?!?!

We have had such a tough time with deciding our third baby's name! We still want meaningful Hebrew old testament first names and new testament middle names.

For a boy, we found these names:

1. Othniel, brother of Caleb who was the first judge of Israel
2. Nehemiah, the politician and royal cupbearer who initiated the rebuilding of the walls of Jerusalem and stood tall with God's favor
3. Jaazaniah, meant one whom God hears, but was a leader of corrupted priests
4. Azariah, Abednego's old name, meant YHWH has helped

For a girl, we have so much trouble finding names, therefore these are actually guys in the old testament:

1. Ezra - a writer who helped with the fortification of the walls of Jerusalem and brought repentance and reformation to the nation of Israel
2. Asriel - a son of Manasseh, son of Joseph

We have yet to come up with good middle names so we're going to decide on a first name before we match them up!

What about our first two children??

Our first born, Abigail (the wise woman who became a wife of King David) is Hebrew and means "joy of her Abba Father"; Elizabeth (Mary's cousin, Jesus' Aunt once removed) is Greek for Hebrew name Elisheva "my God is my oath". We dedicated the book of Proverbs to her. She is to bring joy and glory to God in her life through wisdom, passion, and servanthood.

Our second born, Isaac (son of Abraham who calls God "his Fear") is Hebrew for "he will laugh"; James (half brother of Jesus) is English for Hebrew name Jacob "supplanter". We pray he will rejoice and bring glory to God's kingdom as he learns to become a leader. And of course we dedicated the book of James to him.

We are so excited about our third baby! Its official due date is on the 13th March and I really have no idea if it's a boy or a girl! It sometimes reminds me of how Abigail moved in my tummy, and sometimes reminds me of Isaac, but a lot of times it's just different! Pray that this baby will arrive preferably early and safely! =)

Love, the almost 5 Koo's

How about that

God has been sending me not just one dream but a series of dreams this time. Usually dreams of the same issue would come and go in a course of a month if I needed more than one, but apparently I needed these dreams to be within a week.

We have been praying for God to reveal our family's generational sins and for Him to help us overcome them before we pass them on to our children. Our generational sins are overwhelming and shameful. We pray God will help us overcome them and He has been gracious to reveal them and help us deal with them.

Our problems with in laws, God has revealed is not a sin but a trigger to something bigger. Marital problems. In law problems have been a passed down trigger and insecurity by generations. Every time I deal with fear or insecurity triggered by in law problems, there's dissension, division, and distrust between my hubby and I. It is something that the enemy uses to cause our families to disintegrate. In other words, if I want a wholesome marriage, we need to resolve in-law conflicts. There are tons of other generational sins like lust, malice, dishonesty, alcoholism, greed and gluttony etc. With God in this I believe we will overcome.

So with FOCA coming up on the 21-22 Jan, I still don't get it. This law will FORCE ALL hospitals to perform abortion! People should get their choices, yes, but what about these people who chose to open Catholic, Methodist, Christian hospitals and work in them because that's what they believe in?!?!?!? Shouldn't they get to choose? There's so many other clinics, hospitals, doctors, who would perform abortions for blood money! Why go to a place and why force a place with religious convictions to perform the murder of babies?!?! That's just so wrong. AND, don't even get me started with the so called "fairness doctrine". This doctrine will again FORCE radio and TV stations with religious and conservative convictions to broadcast the equal amount of liberal political messages!!! So if we broadcast Focus on the family for one hour, we will have to hear Nancy Pelosi preach for another hour or something! This is just ridiculous. That's why we have over thousands of channels to choose from!! So we can hear and watch what we CHOOSE to hear and watch. That's like saying if we broadcast Veggietales in English for one hour, we'd have to broadcast Veggietales in Spanish for the next hour!!!!! ARGH!!!! Then, there's the ENDA. A cunning tool to get everyone who stands by their beliefs fired, sued, and jailed.

God I am so perplexed at the world. I am homesick! I'd rather be "absent in the body and present with the Lord." Let us see some light in the darkness. God, let Your will be done. No matter what happens, You are still sovereign and in control. Give us patience and perseverance. Help us raise up a generation who will overcome and be courageous. Let our children and our children's chidlren be set apart and give them Your passion for Your people. Guide me to become the wise woman that You want me to be. I continue to ask for mentors, other wise women, and accountability partners in my life that You will speak through and teach me. Humble me and strengthen me. Help me love through Your Son. Help me see through Your eyes. AMEN.

More Info:
FOCA
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Freedom_of_Choice_Act
Fairness Doctrine
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fairness_doctrine
ENDA
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Employment_Non-Discrimination_Act