I wanna hold your hand

Did you know that otters hold hands when they sleep so they don't float away from one another?

I did not either! My sweet husband sent me this today because we sometimes hold hands to fall asleep at night.

This also reminded me how much I should want to hold on to Christ, that even as I put my head down on a pillow, I should grab onto Him and say "I don't want to drift apart from You." Every day, as I go about my business and my busyness, I still want Him to hold onto me and not let me drift apart from Him. This is how sweet my Savior is.

LORD, I wanna hold Your hand. I want to be close to You and follow You. AMEN.

Lessons of surrender

As a follower of the Lord Jesus Christ, there is one difficult thing (out of many) I have committed myself to grow in and apply in my life continuously. When I was saved a decade ago, I surrendered myself unto Christ in my car, in a parking lot. I did not know I was surrendering, but, I remember raising a white flag, screaming "This is it! I want this to be over! Take over, Jesus, I am at the end of myself!" When I think of that moment in my life, words like depressing, heart wrenching, hopeless, come in mind.

And yet, that moment was followed immediately by the words, Overwhelming Awe, Inexpressible Joy, Unfathomable Grace, and Unconditional Love. A life of healing and new hope had finally begun for me... miraculously... supernaturally.

Do you have a story, a testimony similar to mine? A moment where Jesus, through the Holy Spirit, swept you off your feet and claim you as His own when you were collapsing into a sea of deeper sorrow? Are you still walking close to the Lord today?

For those who believe this is some stage or phase people like us go through....

10 years later, He has not forsaken me. 10 years after that awful and awesome moment, I can testify the Bible is filled with the promises and love letters from God. He is the one true and living God who has been personally ministering to me, providing for me, teaching me, challenging me, testing me, walking with me, encouraging me, disciplining me, and empowering me. 

Through endless life experiences of joy, miracles, fulfillment, harvest, grief, disappointment, rejection, mockery, etc, the true art of surrendering is learned, relearned, applied, and reapplied, till I am again, close to Him as He tells me, "That's it. You got it. Keep coming." 

James 1:2-4 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds,because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

Without the understanding of true surrender, I would never have understood the direct connection between suffering and healing, struggles and victory, slavery and freedom. In the dictionary, the word "surrender" simply means to yield yourself over  In Christian terms, we forgo the desires, control, and ownership of ourselves to a living and loving God. So many of us forget, that as we forgo all these things, the Holy Spirit is meant to take over completely, and therefore, conforming us to the image of Christ, the epitome of suffering and healing!  

When we think of the word "suffering", the adjective "bad" always pops up in our mind. It is only normal. I, on the other hand, would like to prove and persuade anyone who is willing to seek this matter with me, that the word "suffering" needs to be understood and perceived as "good". Not as in enjoyable, but as in a character of God.


Jump to Romans 5:1-5 where in verse 3, the word "suffering" was used twice. In Greek, it was actually the word Thlipsis, which means tribulation and persecution. This sounds much more physical than Harmozo. The author stated that the Christians glory, kauchaomai, boasted, in their "suffering" and that this "suffering" produced perseverance. Sounds again like "suffering" is good! Why would "suffering" be producing a fruit of the Spirit, and why else would they boast in it?


Romans 8:13-39 is another great passage. It speaks of a "suffering" that joins Christ and us in verse 17, and a "suffering" that is endured in verse 18. Sumpaschó in verse 17, simply means suffer together. If we suffer together with Christ, we prove we are actually in His legacy, and when we do so, we also share in His glory. Umm, again, good! This next word in verse 18, pathéma, is a strong term. This suffering is a passion, a zeal, an agony that comes from within. This suffering comes from knowing Christ and wanting to be purged of sin. This kind of "suffering", as stated by the author, leads to a glory that has no comparison, and that glory would be revealed in us because of this "suffering". GOOD!

Now, read Acts 5:25-42 and pay special attention to verse 41.  The Greek word, Harmozo, was used in verse 41 as the verb "to suffer".  "Then they left the presence of the council, rejoicing that they were counted worthy to suffer dishonor for the name." Harmozo means betrothed, to fit in, to join oneself in.  These apostles rejoiced  and were counted worthy because now that they had been persecuted, they were now dishonored with Christ! And, it was good. Why else were they rejoicing and counted as worthy?

There are so many more evidence in the rest of the Bible, that "suffering" indeed is good because it brings us closer to the Goal, the Perfecter of our faith, our Savior. Apart from our desire to be like Him, our suffering would be met with hostility and anger, perceived as pointless, and wasted! Let us surrender every day fully unto Jesus, the one who suffered for us and reconciled us with His Father. Learn to fall apart spiritually instead of physically! Put your hands up and put down the things you are holding on to. Get on your knees and beg for His Spirit to turn your heart into flesh. Grieve, be in agony, mourn until He shows you how to heal. 

1. Read James 1:5-27 Seek to be humble and ask Him to open your eyes to displeasing impurities you are holding onto

2. Read James 2:1-13 Examine your thoughts and motives for everything you do. Get rid of things in your schedule you know are taking your focus from the Lord.

3. Read James 3 Are you a teacher? Reign your tongue! Do not allow human wisdom to take over your brain, but allow God's wisdom from the bible take over all of your body. Pursue righteousness.

4. Read James 4 Surrender! Grieve and mourn for yourself. Put down everything that is not godly today and run towards godliness. 

5. Read James 5 Surrender not just to God but to one another. Confess your sins and ask for healing. Healing cannot happen if there is no understanding or confession. 

LORD Jesus, allow me to gain in my suffering! Teach me to draw close to You as You continue to teach me to live more abundantly. May Your Spirit abide in me and stir up a thirst in zeal, passion, and understanding. Without You, I am nothing. AMEN.

Kings and Queens

Just say Jesus

A lengthy memo from the other side of the fence

So, what is this about?

It started with an intense fellowship (a godly euphemism for a productive fight) we had three weeks ago on our date night. What is the big deal? Well, this was my complaint.

Honey, you are helping too much around the house.

I understand some of you do not struggle with homemaking, chores, or asking for your husbands' help. If you are one of these people, you don't need to read this blog... (unless you are curious). If you are, you are welcome to read on. And, let this be on the record, that this has nothing to do with the training of our children. Our children have to do their share of dishes, laundry, floors, vacuum etc. It is not about becoming your children's slave.

Phill is a sweet man. He grew up a chef's son and literally lived in a restaurant growing up for a few years because there was no money for a house. Having grown up in Hong Kong, I had Philippino maids who practically raised me and I had no idea how to cook, do laundry, clean, or make my bed. For the first year, he gained so much weight from eating out often and my occasional baked chicken with spaghetti and veggies. We were both working because, honestly, living in Miami drowned us financially, and I never had the time or energy to read or learn or seek godly counsel about this area. The LORD knew this had to change. We knew our life had to change. We were miserable.

I will never forget that season of our lives. If you are a follower of Christ, you know what I am talking about. The seasons when God's hands are apparent in our lives. They are spectacular. This season was one of them. Moving to Texas was the best thing that happened to our marriage and family in every single way. The move challenged us to lay everything down to be sharpened by Him. Phill, throughout these years in seminary, has grown exceedingly out of my wildest dreams as a godly man. We knew since the beginning of our marriage we desire to homeschool our children, so when we moved, we agreed Phill would become the only source of income for the family. In the first few years in seminary, we lived in an apartment. I was determined to learn to cook, bake, sew, throw dinner parties, organize, clean the fridge, etc etc. you name it. I read many books on biblical womanhood and books based on "proverbs 31". How many books do you have on those topics? ;)

Then, to be honest, I became discouraged after a couple of years. I am a musician, a teacher,... I am not gifted in hospitality or housework. My efforts did not changed who I am, it only made me do these things in spurts because I felt bad not being the housekeeper I needed to be for my family. When we moved to an actual house, I thought, now, I could throw more parties. Maybe, now, I will cook more often with this full size gas stove. The opposite happened, I gave up. Phill is so much better at cooking and doing dishes, I just let him do it all when we have company over. If I were not at the stove when he comes home, he just fires up the stove and cooks dinner. I loved it. I was happy about it for a couple of years. He never complains because he loves to cook, and, he always tells me he loves to spoils me. How did he train for triathlons, preach itinerantly , spend time with our children, and graduate from his masters? I don't know. But, he did. So? what is the problem?

I am glad you asked. Here it is.

A memo from the other side of the fence

The more my husband helped me with my role, the less happy and fulfilled I was. 

I was convicted about giving up my opportunities to become the wife described in God's Word! Before this blog gets thrown out the window... Hear me out here, ladies. This was what our intense fellowship was about. In the two years that I had his help, I was not getting better at being a home manager. My goal as a woman was getting a bit fuzzy and my heart was wandering to busy myself with things I was not called to do. I was taking Phill for granted because of the way he grew up, he had no expectations for me as a wife. Obviously, we had to discuss this issue, understanding that he has to have some sort of expectation to the role of a godly wife, and not to be afraid to list them to me just because he does not want to be disappointed.

I desire with my whole heart to be the woman God calls me to be. Don't you all?

Titus 2 is clear. THIS is sound doctrine, (v.1) that we, as women, need to be "reverent in the way we live" (v.3). Reverent, according to Merriam-Webster dictionary, can be defined in two essence: reverent as in respectable; or, reverent as in worshipful. I believe we need to be both respectable and worshipful in the way we live. I want my life to be a song, written to glorify our LORD. How?

Verse 3b, we are "not to be slanderers or addicted to wine, but to teach what is good." Let's break this down. First, we are not to say anything we don't want to be held accountable for or judged for. Romans 2:16 You know when there is an ant hill near you when you see a trail of ants. You can always trace these ants back to their habitat. When people slander, they are like an ant hill, sending out ants, leaving trails everywhere for everyone to see, examine, poke at. What happens to these ants and the colony when they are found out? Let's just say they get into the defensive mode quickly and then get annihilated. 

Second, as believers, we live in a world where alcohol is not a big deal. What does God's Word say? Let me quote just this one, because this makes too much sense. "Let beer be for those who are perishing, wine for those who are in anguish! Let them drink and forget their poverty and remember their misery no more." Prov 31:6,7 We, as believing, godly women who seek the LORD, do not need to drink. Our mind need to be sound and alert at all times because the Enemy is always around. 1 Pet. 5:8

Last one... This is always tricky. What is "good", exactly? I believe Phill, in his latest sermon nailed it. He demonstrated in Amos 5:14-15 that when we seek goodness, we find God. He is not just a good God but He encompasses goodness Himself. Goodness does not contain even a speck of evil in it: a Christ-seeking heart without evil intent, evil thought, evil eye, evil speech etc. And... "teach what is good", so that, as women, we can teach younger women, and be the younger women who are "urge[d] to love their husbands and children, to be self controlled, to be busy at home, to be kind, and be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the Word of God." (Titus 2:4,5) Lord Jesus, I don't want anyone to malign Your word and Your reputation because of me. Teach me to focus on You as You continue to mold me into the woman of Your Word. I want to live the role You have gifted me with so I can be a blessing to my family.

So, since our intense fellowship.... I started making a checklist of things I need him to do around the house on a dry erase board. Anything not on the list? My job. Do I always shine my sink before I sleep? No. Maybe 60% of the time. Do I cook every day? No. Maybe 80% of the time. But Phill leaves everything up to me to give me a chance to improve as a wife and I feel great! I can fail any expectation but the Lord does not see that. God sees me as a gal who is striving to be a woman of His Word.

From a living example who has been on the other side of the fence: 

Next time, when you get frustrated and start to gripe about needing your husband's help for household chores, remember this: it is okay. It is okay things do not look perfectly perfect. This is your training ground as a woman of God who does battle with the World, its Prince, and its dominions, a training ground for your children to see that the most important thing in your life is that you are striving to become the woman He desires for you to be. He does not see the messy rooms, the dirty sink, the disorganized pantry, or the muddy floors. Don't so easily give that up for any man's help. Our LORD your God sees a Proverbs 31 woman in the making. :-)

Glory to the One Who save my soul

This week has been just an explosion of JOY for me. The resurrection of Christ certainly is one of the most debated topics. I have been on both sides.

The most painful experience I had was realizing that I had been wrong. To read and understand that God's Word described me to the Tee as an unbeliever and admitting to Him that I was indeed that way was shameful. But this pain, this agony, brought me onto my knees to receive a gift called grace. Grace is a gift that I did not expect and deserve. My old life, now renewed by His grace, is a life I never imagined for myself.

How does a person go from being depressed and beaten to joyful and victorious even in suffering? One word. Hope. Not just hope in a president, or hope in a relationship, or hope in new life, etc... but hope beyond death. I used to curl up in my bed with no more tears to sob at the age of 8. I felt lonely, hollow, meaningless, purposeless.... everything I did was just going into the air, so why try to live well? I gave up. I had no accountability. No one could hold me down. I rebelled and no one could stop me. I suffered many bad consequences from my bad choices. These bad consequences led me right to the bottom and I couldn't do it any longer. But the LORD was so good to me that He reached down to me when I thought I was done for. He reached down to me and touched my soul. He healed me and gave me a taste of what it would be like to be with Him. He opened my eyes to His Word and Work. Since that day, I have lived my life knowing that He has got my back no matter what. Do I still struggle? Oh yes. But I struggle with Him and wrestle with Him as I deal with my sinful nature. Just as He had suffered, I will suffer. I am willing to bear His legacy and testimony of suffering till He makes me perfect. Without suffering and struggles, my spiritual would be stagnant. Who wants that?

For we are to God the pleasing aroma of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing. To the one we are an aroma that brings death; to the other, an aroma that brings life. And who is equal to such a task? Unlike so many, we do not peddle the word of God for profit. On the contrary, in Christ we speak before God with sincerity, as those sent from God.2 Cor 2:15-17

" There is nothing left to fear, nothing Heaven knows. For He died for us to give us life and to give us hope, He rose." Easter Carol, Veggietales

If you don't know just how much God loves you, take it from an ex atheist/buddhist/new ager/... you need to find out. He loves you and He wants you to have peace.. peace with death, peace with life, peace with Him.

My Father, who am I that You pay attention to? I know Your hands are upon my family for I have seen Your faithfulness and Your marvelous work in us. You have been orchestrating everything around us these days and I am grateful to see Your favor. Hold me close to You. Awake my soul to sing praises to You. Blessed be Your name as You demonstrate great power and miracles in our lives. You are an awesome God. Thank You for filling me with such joy I haven't felt in months. Thank You for Your grace and assurance. Thank You that You have never forsaken me or left me during my struggles. Glory to You, my God, for You are the One who saved my soul from the depths. Continue to mature me in my walk with You oh LORD. Jesus You are the One, the Way, the Truth, the Life. You are alive and no one can keep You from accomplishing Your will. Bless this family with Your Spirit as we continue to give ourselves to You. Holy is Your name, AMEN.

The Lord says STAY PUT

God said to me this morning as I studied Nehemiah, "Do not be afraid, stay put! This is your husband's season of blessing after years of struggle and hard work, and the Enemy is here to steal, kill, and destroy." That stilled my heart today and gave me courage. I can't wait to count His blessings. He is true, He cannot lie, all will see and praise Him.

Do you know who Tobiah and Sanballat were? They were big bullies. They were not just inexperienced bullies who used force but high class bullies who employed manipulation and psychology. They would be classified in psychology books as manipulative controllers. They feasted on weak minds and watched for people they could control to enlarge their territory. Sounds sick, huh? If you haven't yet read the book of Nehemiah, start reading it and don't put it down till you have read it all. Fascinating book. When King Nebuchadnezzar came to take the Israelites captive according to God's prophecy, Israel was already split into two kingdoms due to taxation issues. Northern Kingdom, completely destroyed by the Assyrians was never to recover, and the Southern Kingdom, Judah, was taken captive for many years till... well... on and off till the United Nations voted in 1947 to split Palestine into two. The remnant now lives in modern day Israel, which many Islamic nations still deny its existence. (Maps you get in the Middle East says Palestine, not Israel. This is first hand information, I know because I have been to the Middle East.)

In 2 Chron 36:11-23, Ezra gave us a brief summary of what had gone down with Judah. This is imperative because the people of God had once again turned away and He allowed a gentile King to take His people captive for 70 years so prophecy can be fulfilled. About 200 years before Judah was taken captive, the beloved prophets Isaiah and Daniel both spoke of King Cyrus who God had promised to deliver His people from captive. Ezra continued his book from 2 Chron 36:22 because 70 years passed and Cyrus came into history. How amazing is this?

Ezra watched and recorded this piece of history as Persian Kings Cyrus, Xerxes (Queen Esther's husband), Darius (Daniel's Darius the Mede), and Artaxerxes (Queen Esther's stepson, Nehemiah's King),  assisted Israel in the rebuilding of its nation under the hand of our God. Ezra retold the restoring of the nation as Zerubabbel led a remnant (including  Nehemiah, Mordecai, and Zechariah  Ezra2:2, Nehemiah 7:7, Zechariah) back to Israel by Cyrus' decree to rebuild their homes and temple. In chapter 7:1-6, Ezra the priest, came into the story with a bang! as the LORD granted favor on him through King Artaxerxes. Ezra led the nation through a spiritual revival as he fasted, prayed, wept, admonished the people, opened the Book of the Law, read, and started a revolution.

Sounds like to me Nehemiah went to Judah and back a few times. He was named on the record with Zerubabbel (Ezra 2:2 and Nehemiah 7:7) in 538BC. Problem here I have is that this Nehemiah returned under King Artaxerxes in 445BC. That's almost 100 years in between. So, I think it is safe to say this Nehemiah is not the same Nehemiah in Zerubabbel's group. Unless he went as a child. Which is possible since his brothers were  in Judah. Who knows? Anyway, Nehemiah and Ezra were in Judah at the same time. While Ezra started a spiritual revival, Nehemiah led the people in rebuilding the wall and gates. 

No question, God orchestrated these godly men, families, and ungodly kingdoms to deliver His remnant. Amazing. They were appointed there "at a time such as this". All this came from studying Nehemiah. What can I say? I am always curious.

Ezra and Nehemiah faced lots of opposition but they were so confident because they knew the Lord's hand was upon them. As I studied Nehemiah, 6:11-13 really spoke to me. Tobiah and Sanballat had used every trick in their book, from intimidation, threats, ultimatums, outbursts of anger, sweet coercion, bribery, spying, you name it, to stop the work of God. Nehemiah saw through every single tactic to avoid sinning against his people and the Lord. His heart and motive was pure. All he wanted was for the Lord to finish His work through him. He stopped at nothing. I admired how his mind, soul, and strength were always focused on God at all times. 

Have you pulled out Nehemiah 6 yet? Are you curious? Nehemiah 6:11-13:

But I said, “Should a man like me run away? Or should someone like me go into the temple to save his life? I will not go!” I realized that God had not sent him, but that he had prophesied against me because Tobiah and Sanballat had hired him. He had been hired to intimidate me so that I would commit a sin by doing this, and then they would give me a bad name to discredit me. Remember Tobiah and Sanballat, my God, because of what they have done; remember also the prophet Noadiah and how she and the rest of the prophets have been trying to intimidate me. So the wall was completed on the twenty-fifth of Elul, in fifty-two days. When all our enemies heard about this, all the surrounding nations were afraid and lost their self-confidence, because they realized that this work had been done with the help of our God.

Before God taught me a lesson of boundaries, I had failed to put up and enforce boundaries that protected me and my family. The Lord has used this to teach me to set good boundaries, but I can say, I am still in the process of healing from one of my violated boundaries. In general, as boundaries are being set, there are only two reactions toward them. Acceptance or rejection. The last chapters of the book are really great at explaining why and what kinds of people accept and reject them. I recommend buying this book and reading it in detail. Long story short, every boundary I set was accepted except for one. My biblical counselor has advised me to stay away and heal but my situation is currently like Nehemiah's. Opposition will not end even after rebuilding is complete. But he put strict boundaries and knew how to face opposition with tact, truth, and strength. Lord, I don't feel like a Nehemiah. I am glad I wasn't put to rebuild the walls of Jerusalem. I am here to rebuild my fence. I know, God, but my legs want to run away. Everything happens for my good. I will choose to trust You continually as my Shield, my Strength, my Defender. I know You love me and that I am hidden in You. Teach me what to do when malice is done and said about Your daughter. Be my refuge and let her face bury into Your hiding place. Instead of running away from tough situations, strengthen me so I may run toward You and keep myself pure from all evil. Take my thoughts and my heart captive as You bring me healing. I am sorry I didn't learn this lesson faster. Now I ask for Your blessing on my fence. Thank You for not letting me go. Thank You that You have been with me through all of this. You are a great God who never fails me. There is none other like You. I love being close to You, my Father. How lovely is this dwelling place. I do not want to be anywhere else. Thank You Jesus for making this happen for me. AMEN.

Finally

I finally finished February's book review on Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend.

!Here it is!

Happy Anniversary :)

I had subscribed to my husband's YouTube account, and today, when I went on it, I got an update from his account. I think this was supposed to be a surprise for our anniversary tomorrow. ;) I am not going to watch it. But it's hilarious it popped up. I love you baby. 8.5 years ago when we met in front of Diary Queen to start our courtship, you told me the most romantic thing a guy could tell a gal. You said "I pray I will show you more of who God is each day in our relationship as we move on toward marriage." God has been so faithful to honor that because you have a heart of gold. No, you are not perfect, but your children and I have seen God refining you into the man He wants you to be because of your willingness, your diligence, and your humility. You are so dedicated, so devoted, so hard working, so selfless, and so inspiring. You have got self discipline like nobody else. My man is full of integrity and is not afraid to tell the honest truth. I have learned so much from you, honey, and I have learned to listen intently to your words. You are full of wisdom and full of goodwill. You have shown me more of who our God is through the transformation that you continually allow the LORD to have in you, and through your persisting love. You are an amazing man. I am out of words for you because you take my breath away with the man you have become. I can't even imagine who you are becoming and I cannot wait to watch the LORD's work in you in the next decades to come. He has great plans for you and for your family, generations to come. I am honored to be your help mate, wife, and best friend. You are like my Abraham as I am your Sarah. <3

LORD Jesus, You are magnificent. Mold us, convict us, transform us, and speak to us till the end of our time. Purify our motives and cleanse our hearts as we continue to serve You alone. Help us not to please any other but You oh Lord. My God, You are an Adventure. Let us hold onto You so we can enjoy our journey even through happiness and suffering. It is You who have brought us through and brought us here. Thank You for celebrating our sacred union and affirming our marriage. Allow Your gifts in us to bring people closer to You. I thank You for opening Phill's ears towards You that I can confidently submit and trust him in making decisions for this family. God, You are mighty. Continue Your work in us so we may continue to bring more souls to You. We pray You fill this family with the Holy Spirit and rain down Your blessings. You know our hearts. You know who we are. You are the God of this house. Do as You please LORD. There is no other God but our God. In Your holy name I pray, AMEN.

Phill's video for me:



Here's my gift to you, baby.......... :-) It's a song for you. Description: 8th year anniversary song for my husband. I wrote this in humor. Try to imagine this sappy song sung in the middle of a musical. :P
There is no one like you babe - jojo


There is no one like you, babe (first draft) | Muziboo



There is no one like you, babe (second draft) | Muziboo


There is nothing I can say
No new words
To tell how I feel
There is no one like you
There is no one like you, babe

There is nothing I can write
No new rhymes
To show how I know
There is no one like you
There is no one like you, babe

You are more than just amazing
More than just willing
More than just faithful
What's that word?
I don't know
There is no one like you

I can use some statements
to describe him
To display my love
There is no one like you
There is no one like you, babe

"You are my hero"
"Your body is so ripped"
"You are my desire"
"You're more than I dream of"
"There is no one like you, babe"


You are more than just amazing
More than just willing
More than just faithful
What's that word?
I don't know
There is no one like you

God's romance

This morning during worship, as the orchestra played and held onto the F# to Bach's Air on G String, my face was filled to tears and joy. You see, this was the second time we heard this piece played in a church. The first time, this piece was playing as I was walking down the aisle towards my husband exactly 8 years ago. This was His anniversary gift. My God is an intimate God. He has reminded us of His faithfulness and goodness. He made me feel so special and affirmed this morning. No it was no a coincidence, the LORD our God is celebrating our union and covenant with us, smiling down upon us. Thank You Jesus. Thank You for my life. Thank You for my marriage. Thank You for Your mindfulness and Your intimacy and Your romance. :-)

Psalm 139

New International Version (NIV)

You have searched me, Lord,
    and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise;
    you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down;
    you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue
    you, Lord, know it completely.
You hem me in behind and before,
    and you lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too lofty for me to attain.

Where can I go from your Spirit?
    Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
    if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
    if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,
    your right hand will hold me fast.
If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
    and the light become night around me,”
even the darkness will not be dark to you;
    the night will shine like the day,
    for darkness is as light to you.

For you created my inmost being;
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
    when I was made in the secret place,
    when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed body;
    all the days ordained for me were written in your book
    before one of them came to be.
How precious to me are your thoughts, God!
    How vast is the sum of them!
Were I to count them,
    they would outnumber the grains of sand—
    when I awake, I am still with you.

If only you, God, would slay the wicked!
    Away from me, you who are bloodthirsty!
They speak of you with evil intent;
    your adversaries misuse your name.
Do I not hate those who hate you, Lord,
    and abhor those who are in rebellion against you?
I have nothing but hatred for them;
    I count them my enemies.
Search me, God, and know my heart;
    test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me,
    and lead me in the way everlasting.

Grace will be my song

No matter my past, no matter my present, no matter my future, grace will be my song. As believers, we shall refuse to be slaves to time, earthly possession, and bad experience. May the LORD rain His blessings on us as we sing His song.

Classic

Blessed Assurance, Jesus is Mine.

This is my 7th month of learning about boundaries, what kinds of friends the Lord wants me to have, how to set and respect healthy boundaries, how to engage in deep intimate friendship with those who indeed are like minded, and how to embrace these friendships in times of trouble.

I have to say, after Thursday at the seminary wives meeting, I came home so emotional! I told my husband that blessings showered upon me. I was overwhelmed with love and caring ladies. The Lord sent me blessed assurance that He is pleased with me! My heart was so full and the Lord, through my trials and suffering, has sent me deep and intimate friendships to cover me with prayers, words of affirmation, hugs, and their partnership. 

The speaker spoke on purity. When I think of purity, I think of a supernatural spiritual purity that cannot be achieved by human efforts. The English word, purity, is defined as a state of being pure, the absence of impurity in a substance or the absence of vice in a human. Purity for a human is the state of being without any vice. When Jesus said in Matthew 5:8, "Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God." He was saying, "Do you see, my child, how pure my heart is? Do you see I am doing nothing out of my own ambition? Are you able to see how impure you are as you observe how pure I am? Do you see how my pure heart does not have even the tiniest speck of ungodliness in it? Copy my purity. That is the quality of purity I desire for you, my beloved."

One thing, I believe, stops us from being pure even before our thoughts reach our minds, is motive. The purity of our desires comes from the purity of our motives, but the purity of our motive is something that stems right from the purity of our hearts. Proverbs 16:2 says "All a person’s ways seem pure to them, but motives are weighed by the Lord." As we all struggle with this, my prayer for us, followers of Christ, is that we keep our motives, desires, and thoughts as pure as Christ's, so our actions, behaviors, and speech, become shining examples for our children, our legacy in the Lord. Read with me one of my favorite passages, Ephesians 4, right now to refresh on this legacy of purity our Lord Jesus Christ has instructed us to live. 

Ephesians 4

English Standard Version (ESV)

I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit—just as you were called to the one hope that belongs to your call—one Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all. But grace was given to each one of us according to the measure of Christ's gift.Therefore it says,

“When he ascended on high he led a host of captives,
    and he gave gifts to men.”

(In saying, “He ascended,” what does it mean but that he had also descended into the lower regions, the earth? He who descended is the one who also ascended far above all the heavens, that he might fill all things.) And he gave the apostles, the prophets, theevangelists, the shepherds and teachers, to equip the saints for the work of ministry, forbuilding up the body of Christ, until we all attain to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to mature manhood, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ, so that we may no longer be children, tossed to and fro by the waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by human cunning, by craftiness in deceitful schemes. Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who isthe head, into Christ, from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love.

Now this I say and testify in the Lord, that you must no longer walk as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their minds. They are darkened in their understanding, alienated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them, due to their hardness of heart. They have become callous and have given themselves up to sensuality, greedy to practice every kind of impurity. But that is not the way you learned Christ!— assuming that you have heard about him and were taught in him, as the truth is in Jesus, to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.

Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another. Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil. Let the thief no longer steal, but rather let him labor, doing honest work with his own hands, so that he may have something to share with anyone in need. Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

LORD JESUS, I praise You. I praise Your name and I bless Your name. Shower Your sweet blessings upon me. When my enemies slander me, LORD, remind me of Your faithfulness. Remind me that You are my shield. Oh LORD my GOD! I am in constant, awesome, wonder of Your love, grace, and creation. I feel an outpouring of joy as I suffer and I feel assurance in my heart that You love me, care for me, defend me, and is pleased with me. One thing I ask, let my heart imitate Your purity! I thank You for everything I have learned in the past months, and true friends You have given me, and an awesome, godly husband that I need to learn to listen to more quickly and more often. Sweet Savior, I will serve You all the days of my life. AMEN.

1. Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine!
   Oh, what a foretaste of glory divine!
   Heir of salvation, purchase of God,
   Born of His Spirit, washed in His blood.
2. Perfect submission, perfect delight,
   Visions of rapture now burst on my sight;
   Angels, descending, bring from above
   Echoes of mercy, whispers of love.
3. Perfect submission, all is at rest,
   I in my Savior am happy and blest,
   Watching and waiting, looking above,
   Filled with His goodness, lost in His love.
4. Refrain:
5. This is my story, this is my song,
   Praising my Savior all the day long;
   This is my story, this is my song,
   Praising my Savior all the day long.

chewing

Still chewing on the word "shield" ... Phil read ps115 2 nights ago for family devo and shield came up 3 times to contrast those whose trust is in other things. Those who surrender their trust in others for Jesus as their shield will have His attitude. Phil2. Rejected but joyful. Accused but fearless. Suffered but alive. Victimized but victorious. His attitude is about living a completely transformed life. I like that. I like that I have a "big Brother" whom I adore, admire, and worship. I will follow His footsteps and let Him be my Shield. Thank You Father for sending a perfect example.

Oh Jesus, Alive in me... my soul magnifies you. Who am I that you have chosen me? To serve you? To love you? To receive Your love? When I face adversity, may joy overflow from my suffering. When I face accusation, may You become my identity. When I face disappointment, may I find refuge in Your Word. You have taught me so much in the past 6 months through conviction the Word, difficult decisions, and unexpected situations. You have held on to me and chisel me as a minister's wife. You have knocked on my heart and shape me as my children's mother. You speak to my soul and keep me on Your path. I am amazed by You every day.

SHIELD

Been meditating on the word Shield for the past 2 weeks. Here r my thoughts:

Prov2 shows me He is my shield as I walk blameless according to His righteousness. As a child of God and wife of a minister, I have acquired a bittersweet taste to leaving situations up to Him so He can be my shield. Bitter because it is hard to swallow accusations, tough to bite my tongue of defensiveness, and ultimately realizing my unbelief in Him as my shield. Sweet because His peace and joy become like honey to my soul, because His willingness to be my shield overpowers the taste of bitterness, and I receive incomprehensible comfort and rest. Yes! He is my Shield mightily forged by undeserved suffering, perfect grace, and the furnace of righteousness. For that, my God, I am thankful. "Who am I that You are mindful of me?" Your precious child. Here I am. (Job 7, Heb 2)