So I've finally decided the reason behind my huge pregnancy belly is due to my already stretched out uterus. I am in my 3rd trimester and the baby is still moving like it has a lot of room! It is supposed to feel a bit constricted by now but it isn't. So either I am having a small baby, which I would really really appreciate but doubt we ever will, or my uterus is just extra large!
Anyway, it's been very nice having Phill around for 2 weeks. The kids love him and I have slept in so many days!!! My husband is the best and most godly man I have ever met. He is not perfect and has made many many mistakes but he is humble and willing to do anything to be in God's will. He is quite forgetful but sensitive and diligent. He tries hard and works hard. I know God has great plans for him and our family. Phill and I are both under transformation by God all the time and it's okay. We are in it together and that's what's keeps us so transparent and intimate with each other.
For Christmas, we bombarded our children with the birth of Christ. Books, programs, CDs, DVDs, .. you name it we did it. Abigail has so much excitement about Jesus and His birth. She loves to talk about the angel Gabriel, Mary, Joseph and baby Jesus. She talks about the name Immanuel - God with us and loves how the shepherds and magis were excited about Jesus when they worshiped Him. Our hearts fill with passion and excitement to see how God is filling her with His love and His word. The Lord definitely has shown us that His words never return void when we are faithful to keep Him in our lives. We cooked and ate with some random homeless people down McCart Ave. on Christmas day. I have never done that before and even though I was compassionate and wanted to love them, I didn't really know how to do it. I just watched Phill do it and fed my children. They spoke mostly broken Spanglish and were drunk or drugged. They were extremely hungry and had lots of needs. I explained to Abigail that we needed to show them love because God showed us love and that we were to love them as Jesus has loved us because they don't have Jesus like us. Both Abigail and Isaac were very friendly with the homeless and gave them 5's and ate well. I am allergic to smoke so every time someone came up to talk I had to hold my breath as long as I could. I felt more comfortable with the homeless women. I never feel comfortable when any strange man, homeless or not, decide to talk to me. We feel that the Lord has provided a way for us to love and serve these homeless people. We heard so many street living rules, games and things you have to do to get money stories, they even have homeless gangs. We didn't want our family traditions to be about presents, big holiday meals, and meaningless prayers around the table. We wanted Jesus in all of it.
Lord, You are awesome. You have given us what we need and shown us great mercy. Continue to provide for us and for us to serve others. Help us give when we seemingly can't anymore. Guide us in Your ways and give us the love to love people who we can't love. Do miracles in our lives and let us shine before others for You. AMEN.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Friday, December 19, 2008
Love is tough
So before I blog about love, I wanted to note down that my husband and I had "intensive fellowship" last night about political matters among other stuff that was brought up. I read a lot about politics, not as much as I want to and not as much as my hubby does, and I am a pro-life and pro traditional marriage right wing conservative. I know what I believe in and I know what God teaches and I will support only what is morally sound. I am intolerant in my beliefs and I will stand up for what is right in the sight of God. So will my husband.
Personally, I don't see it as a problem to "legalize" gay unions or abortions. Every human being has a right to make choices. Even if these things are not legalize, people will still choose to live in gay lifestyles or kill their babies. That's their own choice. Truth is, man is not sovereign, God is. A marriage covenant is only valid in the eyes of God and murder is sin. Anyway, reason why we will always vote conservative is not because we are intolerant but because there is a battle for where tax money goes. If we ever voted for someone who use tax money to kill babies, or affirm sexual immorality, or affirm homosexuality, we will be held accountable for who we let into office.
The issue that my husband did convince me of last night, was that it is fine that public schools will use tax money to advance gay agendas and safe sex and all this stuff because it is government school. That's a huge reason why he is in ministry, not paying that tax and why we will never send our kids to government schools. He had a point. Those are government schools.
The point is to get this political fight over with so we are not spending billions just for the fight. I get it.
Anyway, love is tough. I cannot love those I don't love. I realized that. I need God to transform that part of me. I am trying so hard. I am praying and getting help. Truth is, it's too hard for me. God is going to have to do a miracle in my soul and my heart. Growing up in an environment where I failed to bond with anyone had a huge part in my inability to know how to love and accept those who don't reach my "expectations". I have chosen to be a transparent person, and yet, a lot of people just don't love me either because I am weird, blunt, rude, assertive, and "intolerant". I have less than 5 people who truly love me for who I am. I don't know what's going on. I just know God has to reveal it to me. God, help me for I am nothing. You are the One who can transform me and help me because You are the only One who knows me since birth. I don't even know myself enough to help myself. I have no control over this. Please take over and cleanse me. Continue Your work in me. Make me holy and let my life glorify Your name. Help my children deal with our generational sins and give us hope to make our family line holy for You. We want a family with servants and ambassadors of Christ. We dedicate our family to You that You will do glorious things through us and our children and grandchildren. You are our God and our King. AMEN.
Deuteronomy 6:5-9
Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.
Personally, I don't see it as a problem to "legalize" gay unions or abortions. Every human being has a right to make choices. Even if these things are not legalize, people will still choose to live in gay lifestyles or kill their babies. That's their own choice. Truth is, man is not sovereign, God is. A marriage covenant is only valid in the eyes of God and murder is sin. Anyway, reason why we will always vote conservative is not because we are intolerant but because there is a battle for where tax money goes. If we ever voted for someone who use tax money to kill babies, or affirm sexual immorality, or affirm homosexuality, we will be held accountable for who we let into office.
The issue that my husband did convince me of last night, was that it is fine that public schools will use tax money to advance gay agendas and safe sex and all this stuff because it is government school. That's a huge reason why he is in ministry, not paying that tax and why we will never send our kids to government schools. He had a point. Those are government schools.
The point is to get this political fight over with so we are not spending billions just for the fight. I get it.
Anyway, love is tough. I cannot love those I don't love. I realized that. I need God to transform that part of me. I am trying so hard. I am praying and getting help. Truth is, it's too hard for me. God is going to have to do a miracle in my soul and my heart. Growing up in an environment where I failed to bond with anyone had a huge part in my inability to know how to love and accept those who don't reach my "expectations". I have chosen to be a transparent person, and yet, a lot of people just don't love me either because I am weird, blunt, rude, assertive, and "intolerant". I have less than 5 people who truly love me for who I am. I don't know what's going on. I just know God has to reveal it to me. God, help me for I am nothing. You are the One who can transform me and help me because You are the only One who knows me since birth. I don't even know myself enough to help myself. I have no control over this. Please take over and cleanse me. Continue Your work in me. Make me holy and let my life glorify Your name. Help my children deal with our generational sins and give us hope to make our family line holy for You. We want a family with servants and ambassadors of Christ. We dedicate our family to You that You will do glorious things through us and our children and grandchildren. You are our God and our King. AMEN.
Deuteronomy 6:5-9
Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
So I didn't blog in November
I know I am getting a cold. It's that achy feeling in the neck and oh yeah, the throat. I am 25 weeks pregnant according to the midwives but I still think I am 27 weeks. I have a strange feeling that this baby might come naturally. Let's see what happens. I was a little intimidated about VBAC after getting 2 babies out by knives but I have a renewed sense of courage and excitement about natural birth from God.
God thank You for Your provisions. Thank You for Your grace and mercy on this family. Thank You for Your plans. I pray for our children that You will bless them and keep them. Reveal to me my sins and shortcomings. I pray Your victory and Your control over my fears, sins, and incapabilities. Help us raise our children in Your word, Your eyes, Your guidance, Your wisdom, and Your character. We can't do it on our own. Teach them through us. Give them passion to love You and serve You. Dig deep into their hearts and cleanse them with Your righteousness. Keep them pure in their actions, thoughts, and intentions. Capture their hearts for us and through us. AMEN.
God thank You for Your provisions. Thank You for Your grace and mercy on this family. Thank You for Your plans. I pray for our children that You will bless them and keep them. Reveal to me my sins and shortcomings. I pray Your victory and Your control over my fears, sins, and incapabilities. Help us raise our children in Your word, Your eyes, Your guidance, Your wisdom, and Your character. We can't do it on our own. Teach them through us. Give them passion to love You and serve You. Dig deep into their hearts and cleanse them with Your righteousness. Keep them pure in their actions, thoughts, and intentions. Capture their hearts for us and through us. AMEN.
"On matters of style, swim with the current. On matters of principle, stand like a rock."
— President Thomas Jefferson
For the eyes of the Lord run to and fro throughout the whole earth to show himself strong in the behalf of them whose heart is perfect [at peace with or loyal] toward him….
—II Chronicles 16:9 KJV
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