Man, I feel inadequate. I have been feeling like that since Phill told me that God has finally revealed His plan to prepare his heart to pastor. Well, I feel left out from this plan!!! I mean, I have known that we have been called to full time ministry since before we were married. But what about me?! What about His plan to prepare my heart to become a wife of a pastor?!?!?! You can't just give me a title and expect I'd know what to do with it. What happened to that part?! I have so many relational problems! I am like a troubled kid with a troubled past and a troubled present... Different troubles. But still! I am inadequate. I am going to need lots and lots and lots of counseling, help, prayers, classes, healing, accountability, effort, heart, desire... lots and lots of all those things, to ever start working towards becoming a pastor's wife!!!
God, hear Your servant's desperate cry to You. Will you not show me what to do? What to pray for? Tell me how, when, where, why, who!!! Lord, I feel left out and I want in. Deal with me and mold me into someone I am not right now. Set a goal in front of me and let me see where I can run to. You are my true living God Who is able to do all things. I will rely upon You and keep asking You. Reveal Yourself to me and make it obvious to me what to do. AMEN.
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