I grew up in Hong Kong. Nothing too special about it. I was surrounded by buddhist temples, hinduist idols, atheistic beliefs, and lots of incense (not to mention pollution). I was taught to love my friends but gossip about them behind their backs. Also to respect my elders but lie to my teachers. Then to spend tens of thousands of dollars to worship my ancestors but shun the poor in the streets and old in the family.
Now, I might just be the only one who was raised that way in Hong Kong, but nevertheless, that was what I learned. I was sensitive, quiet, and confused growing up, and by preteen, I was rebellious, calloused, and even more confused. When I became a follower of Christ, I studied my bible, prayed to Jesus, and worshiped Him with total abandonment. I didn't mind anything that He would call me to be or to do. I wanted Him to completely take over. My mother saw God's work in me and decided never to worship her gods again. My oldest sister saw my spiritual growth, praised God and joined in the race. My brother accepted Christ too even though he's mentally handicapped.
I have followed Christ for 6 years to date. I have married a godly husband who is a Jesus freak, have 3 children whom we have devoted unto Him, and no, I have not been perfect, I have needed a lot of grace and mercy, and Christ is still central to our family and my being.
Just a few weeks ago, my oldest sister and her 2 young children traveled once again from CA to FL to stay at my parents house. My mother, who had "accepted Christ", still kept her idols in the house. I encouraged my sister, if she stayed there with her kids, that even if she didn't 't break them and throw them away, she needed to at least say something about them. Being first born, she's not the type to ruffle feathers, break traditions, and break idols. So, she taped the idols up and put them in a box. Supposedly, my mother didn't even notice until my brother told her, and she started crying. She was going to find the box when they leave. Well, yesterday just after their plane left DFW for a plane transfer, my mother called her and told her not to call her ever again because she can't find the box. I encouraged her, quoting from Galatians 1. And today, my sister texted me telling me that "grace was sufficient" so we shouldn't play policeman. Whatever that meant. But then, she started telling me that mom doesn't want to be Christian because of me.
Okay, this is where I am at right now. Do I take this as a compliment or do I sob over it? In Luke 14:25-27, I am fully aware, that there is a huge price in following Christ. In Matthew 5, the BeAttitudes, I am going to align my life to the Word of God, even if my family does not understand and completely disagree with us being in ministry, in seminary, and in Christ. I cannot become less than I am called to be just because I want to be liked by every one. At least my mother knows what a follower of Christ is like. That we surrender everything to Him and has no reservation. That we choose to please God than please man. I have to be okay with my cousins not talking to me or friending me on facebook. I have to be okay with my mother cursing me in front of people. I have to be okay with my college friends calling me freak and other names. I have to be okay with complete brokenness resulting in me falling prostrate in front of Jesus' feet asking for His mercy, grace, and love. But I sob over the fact that my mother was not saved after all. I am heart broken for all those who are not saved especially relatives that I grew up knowing. I am desperately grieved. God hear my prayers to You. Hear my cry and my heart. I choose to surrender to You and give You my all. Save my family, my children, my grand children, and my great grand children. Let us live a life of total abandonment. I know Your grace is sufficient for me. I don't need anyone else's approval or anyone else's praise. I ask You to give me Your wisdom and Your words, Your compassion and Your heart. Help me to be a beacon of light to especially my children. Help me to get organized at the home and become a woman of God that will glorify You. Help me to see the strengths and weaknesses of my children and teach them to honor You with their gifts. I thank You for Your love and Your grace. You are my strength and my shield. AMEN.
11 comments:
It really hurts when you realize that some you believed are saved are not ... or might not be.
But keep praying, God hears your prayers and loves your mom even more that you do! I'm sorry you think her spiritual condition is because of you, but when it all is said and done it is only between her and God. Live the life, don't back down, and trust that God does hear your prayers. I love you.
oh i don't think that her spiritual condition is tied to me at all. you are right it is between her and God. If she thinks it is because of me, I take it as a compliment because it means I am living it out. know what i mean?
true, maybe if you two can talk it out you'll discover some other reasons why she has decided not to follow Christ
it is too hard to talk on the phone with her. she hangs up on me every time i say something that she doesn't wanna hear.
What was Gideon's father thinking after Gideon torched and burned down all his altars? In light of eternity what is this worth?
I was once told to break my parent's altar as well. The motto was, better they get angry at you now, than when at the judgment gates they wish you had.
Tough love, is exactly what it is... "tough." It does not gain much in its initiative, but when cultivated it blooms unconditionally (1 Corinthians 13).
I think its really hard to realize that being a follower of Christ means you can't worship other things. It means letting go of everything, and that is really hard to do. I had to burn a journal to continue moving forward in the faith. It was like burning an idol that I had been worshiping. As long as it was there in my house, I could go back to my journal. I was quite angry and upset when God first led me to destroying my idol. Now I can say it was worth it, but perhaps she's on the beginning of a hard journey of eventually destroying them. God is the one who softens and hardens hearts. I will be praying with you that God softens her heart to a heart of obedience. ~K
Now you know how I felt when I found out Z hadn't become a Christian after all. He blatantly lied to me, the person he was supposed to love and trust and be truthful with and live with throughout his life. And you were lied to by your own mother. Ouch. How could Z have gotten baptized right in front of me, knowing he was lying with everything he was saying and doing? Oh, Joanna, I know how it hurts. Remember how I called you, sobbing, after his Easter blog post? Of course I knew way before then that he wasn't a Christian, but the things he said about Christianity in that blog... And he could finally "be himself" again... It's devastating, isn't it? I'm praying for your sore heart, my dearest friend.
As for the idol thing, we'll have to talk about that over the phone (if we can EVER get the phone tag thing over with). I have opinions, and I want to pray first before we talk. But you know, I've never dealt with anyone who has actual physical idols sitting around. It seems rather creepy. Was Leo happy to have them gone or was he upset?
The thought just occurred to me that maybe your mom is lashing out and saying she never became a Christian because she feels betrayed by you and Mimi. Those idols may have had more meaning to her than as just idols - like reminders of her family, something nostalgic. Did she buy them all herself, or were any inherited or given to her? I'm not saying it's ok to have them around - I'm just wondering if they had sentimental value.
hahaha phill left me a comment from mommykoo. honey you have to log in your blog first.....
Brian, I totally get your drift.
Is Mimi responsible for her mom's faith? no. Is she responsible for her children and for herself yes.
The predicament falls into shady ground due to the fact that an individual does not seek/see the same call, or conviction as another.
We may have certain convictions that may lead us to certain choices, but in certain cases we can't make those choices for someone else. But we do know a couple things:
1. God hates idols.
2. God despises sin.
If those two ideals do not stick to someone else as passionately there is no reason to believe that they will do with conviction an act that will be life changing.
So what do we know about Gideon's situation that we can apply.
Preface: Judges 6:1- "Israelites did evil in the eyes of the LORD
Problem: Judge 6:23-26 "So Gideon built an altar to the LORD there and called it The LORD is Peace. To this day it stands in Ophrah of the Abiezrites.
That same night the LORD said to him, "Take the second bull from your father's herd, the one seven years old. Tear down your father's altar to Baal and cut down the Asherah pole beside it. Then build a proper kind of altar to the LORD your God on the top of this height. Using the wood of the Asherah pole that you cut down, offer the second bull as a burnt offering."
Response: Judges 6:30-31 "But Joash replied to the hostile crowd around him, "Are you going to plead Baal's cause? Are you trying to save him? Whoever fights for him shall be put to death by morning! If Baal really is a god, he can defend himself when someone breaks down his altar." So that day they called Gideon "Jerub-Baal, " saying, "Let Baal contend with him," because he broke down Baal's altar. "
I can basically summarize this in 3 points:
1. Awareness, Obedience, Truth.
Because of the awareness of Israel's sin, Gideon obeyed, and the truth comes out. Joash's faith was as fickle as the dust in the air.
So practically speaking here we can look at Elijah's example of the Baal worshippers and see the same thing. The awareness of the Baal worshippers was evil, Elijah's obedience, led to repentance.
I said this much to say that there must be an understanding that there is something evil present. Then an act of obedience will lead to repentance. If that does not occur, no act of destruction will win a soul to Christ.
I pray also that my mother-in-law would sense transformation through her family- obey, and be renewed.
that was kathy not brian honey. lol and no not mimi, me. am i, responsible. no i am not.
Joanna, this is the first time I've read your blog. I want to commend you for your openness. As Asians, we are taught to keep our problems (especially family problems) to ourselves that's why it's so hard to get people to be "real" and thus even harder to help them grow. I too have had problems with my father and my in-laws due to cultural issues. I honestly believe that the issue between you and your mother has more to do with cultural values than eternal values. First, yes, God hates idols, but we all have idols... some are physical and can be see, some aren't. I believe that those "idols" are mere materials made of clay or glass and have no power. Thus, if they have no power, then why fear them? Would it not be much more powerful for your mom to put them away than for you or your sister to hide them? Couldn't she just go buy another one? Secondly, that was your mother's house and the contents in that house belonged to her. Your sister should have rented a hotel room and told your mom in a very respectful way that she and the kids cannot stay in that house bc of the idols, but she will come and visit during the day time. Third, the Lord commands that we honor our parents... that does not mean you compromise your faith or beliefs, but it does mean that you need to respect her and her beliefs, while working on growing her faith, helping answer her concerns, and just loving her with Jesus love, not Joanna love. It means praying for her and showing her how much you hurt and yearn for her to come to Christ. Fourth, if your mom had brought her idols to yours or your sister's home, then you'd have a right to tell her to put it away (respectfully). It's all about turf. From my experience with caring for a traditional Vietnamese church and VN community, even if a person raised their hand to accept Christ and they haven't put away their idols, I would not go to their home and demand them to put it away. It's so much more to them. It's about them honoring their parents, their culture, their family. Until they become mature enough to know the difference, I would not push them. Through my experience, after ALOT of mentoring, discipling, and gentle pushing and reminding... they ALWAYS end up deciding to put away their idols and altars themselves... but on their own terms and in their own time. The difference is that when they do it themselves... it's PERMANENT. There was this "crazy" lady at my church who always did visitations. She always told people to put away their altars and gave them a lecture on how they were breaking the 10 commandments and they weren't true Christians. The people would put away their altars bc of shame and fear, but it always goes back up after she left and she was never allowed to visit them again. After she left our church, those people would come to us and tell us how horrible she was and how their friends who witnessed the events were so turned off by "Christianity" bc we're so rude and disrespectful. OK... I've blabbed on and on enough. I hope you will make amends with your mom and apologize for disrepecting her home and her property. That's all she wants to hear. Call me if you need to talk more. Love, Thao 682-234-5454
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