I have been mourning over certain sins in my life and learning to die to myself and gaining new life in Christ. Once in a while, I still get series of dreams of abandonment, insecurity, and heartache all over again. My sinful nature keeps going backwards, looking at life with a hindsight, and wanting to gain some kind of security through my past. During these times, I feel shame and guilt, and I always turn to my God, my godly friends, and my husband for help. I confess, I mourn, I repent, I forgive, I let go.... it is terribly difficult. I seek for wise counsel, I read and meditate upon His words, and I pray for His miraculous healing upon my soul. I asked Phill to tell me what to do today and he asked me to stop clinging onto my past as a security blanket. I felt terrible. At first, because I feel like I have betrayed him. As if I have not clung onto him as a security blanket. Then, I felt convicted, because it means I have not clung onto Christ as my security blanket either! Yes, this is going to be a long, hard road. But I know I have a God who will never leave me or forsake me, and I know I have a husband who continues to lay down his life for me daily. I will continue to die to myself and align my life with Christ who saved me from the darkness.
Lord, reveal your heart to me and pull me away from evil. Help me find security, identity, and sovereignty in You alone. AMEN.
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