Picky or not picky, that is my question.

I spent infancy through a huge part of my teenage years in Hong Kong, but most of that life I left behind was a blur. I dealt so much with confusion, fear, insecurity, and rage that I carried this identity even into 3 of my 4 years of college life at the UofM. I was a bit deprived of a healthy social life. For 10 years, I was one of the youngest and littlest student in class. But I was constantly in trouble and was bullied. I could never concentrate on anything because I was so worried about my life! So, let's say bad grades didn't help my popularity with anyone. I was labeled all these things in school and home, ADD, problematic, most popular student in the principal's office... I even started cutting myself when I was in 2nd grade. See, I remember because I was in agony. Some kind of void in my heart that made me so empty and angry. But even then, I knew I was not to do anything to end my life because God had a plan for me. Not that I knew which god, what god, or how? I didn't know what was going on, even though I was surrounded by idols my mom had out, grandma talking jehovah's witness, and maids talking catholics and dad talked atheism etc. Long story short, I got into the wrong relationships, ran away from home, and ran away from God.

So how was my life redeemed??? RADICALLY.

Abigail brought home a craft from last Wed and it was sitting out, being a nuisance. I told her, let it go, throw it away, don't hold onto it. If the old doesn't go, the new won't come. She looked at it, sang a goodbye song to it, and threw it away. I told her, see, when Jesus redeems us, we have to be willing to throw away our old self, and put on a new self that is from Him. I know God is continuing in His transformation in Him so that He may be glorified. Since seminary life, I have learned so much from the Lord. Phill has been amazing. He is patient with me and loves me with an unexplainable love. Because of what the Lord has done for me, I am not going to be picky.

I am not picky with the car I drive. I am not picky with my space of living. I have never been picky about food but I am not going to be picky with whom I eat with. I will not be picky with the people I am going to be friends with. (I used to not want any friends) I will not be picky with the people I am going to serve, smelly or not, Asian or not, godly or not, hateful or not. I will not be picky with petty things that have no eternal value or implication. I am not picky about what I wear but it has to be honoring to my husband and kids. In short, I refuse to be picky about things that are not of eternal importance. But I will be picky about wise counsel, and I will be picky about my kids' friends. I will be picky about what we see, and I will be picky about what we listen to. I will also be picky about what we read, and picky about what we wear. I will even be picky about voting in the right people who support high moral values. Not to mention, what we celebrate and put on the pedestal, because all I will glorify is Jesus Christ. I will be picky about the words that comes out of our mouths, and the kinds of foods that go into our mouths. I will be picky about my Christ centered home life, parenting and marriage.

See, people don't have to love me for me to love them. They don't even have to like me for me to love them. I love being at the seminary. After I was redeemed, I almost immediately wanted to go to seminary. But I have gone through rough times here in seminary. Seminary is not perfect. I used to think people who go to seminary must all be really holy and set apart. The fact is, it's a business and an organization. It is a school. And just like any organization, whoever can pay the money can get in. Now there are certain rules, statement of faith, and higher moral standards, but there's no control of the hearts of the people even if their hands had signed documents and their mouths had talked a knowledge of faith. It's truth. But the beautiful thing is, most people I have met are godly people who love me unconditionally without wanting anything back, and I have been blessed. I am not going to be picky on who can love me or not. =)

God help me to discern what to be picky about and not picky about. Help me to love with no conditions. Continue to teach me to let go of the old and put on the new. Help me to speak in truth and love. Continue to disciple me through Your words and wisdom. And help me to go to bed earlier. haha.. In Your Son's name I pray. AMEN.