Grace based parenting

I AM NOT GETTING IT!!! UGH. I am not getting it. God, why is it so hard?! I see my own sins in my children's lives. I hate it. Help me to love them with Your love. Help me love them even when they spit in my face and reject me, even if it is going to break my heart into millions of pieces. Help me love them with Your love.

My kids have not stolen yet but I remember the day I first stole. I attended Christ Church Kindergarten in Hong Kong. I was maybe 5. I remember those kind teachers from England. I remember the classroom. I remember one time the teacher was doing a felt board with the song "Hot cross buns" and she called me up to give her fake pennies. I remember I played with these little animal figurines every day and one day, I decided I really wanted them to come home with me. So I stole a giraffe and I think an elephant too. But definitely the giraffe. I remember the feeling of sin pounding at my door, and my heart was beating so hard. I knew what I was thinking of doing was wrong. I remember the guilt when I put it in my pocket, making sure no one saw. After that, it got gradually easier to convince myself it was ok to steal. You might even say I was a Kleptomania. One time, I stole these plastic earrings from a stuffed animal that was in a store. I waited a week to wear it and when I sat down at the restaurant table, my dad looked at me and interrogated me. When I finally told the truth, he snatched the earrings, and threw it in one of the dim sum containers. I never stole from a store again. I remember seeing the horror on his face. He was angry but also horrified. I have also come to a conclusion that Dad was horrified because he witnessed his own sin in my life.

Phill and I live under God's grace and know that we have freedom from our sins. Nevertheless, generational sins are still present and are in need to be rid of. We are so far from perfect and we know it full well. We have missed so many bible studies and for the past week, I have not spent a lot of time with the Lord, have not reflected, most of my prayers are prayers of deliverance (Lord help me deal), have not been journaling... I have been falling asleep on my calls with Jesus! I have lost sight of His grace on me and on my children. I have been more impatient, less kind, less compassionate, less gracious, distracted, and of course, my coughing has not help with my tone. ENOUGH is enough. Let's get back to the basics of this life.

I can hear my precious Jesus say, "Come talk to me. Lay down your burdens and take my yoke. For my load is not heavy at all. Give it all to me." Of course, what else. Our favorite passage. Ephesians 4. Yes Lord, I will obey. What else, Colossians 4. God, help me not to just read but do Your words. Jonah 4, I lay down my right to be angry and frustrated with my kids' sins. They are yours and this battle with Satan is also Yours. Teach me to reproof, teach, discipline, disciple, instill, inspire, grow, and love them from Your heart and eyes. Help me to focus on what is righteous, good, just, noble, pure, and admirable. Thank You for reminding me of all these things. You are a perfectly good God, slow to anger and abounding in love. I thank You for Your grace, poured on me when I fall so short of Your words. Thank You for blessings me with this life. Continue to reveal the conditions of my heart so I may confess my sins to You and ask for freedom from them. I claim victory as a follower of Christ that I know my kids will follow You with all of their hearts, souls, minds, and strength. Help me to see this battle in parenting as more than a conqueror. Help me stand tall with the full armor of God, ready to go everyday. God help me to respect my husband for Your glory. Help me to honor him in front of our children. Help me to submit to him, Lord. Continue to transform me and mold me into Your proverbs 31 woman. In Your son Jesus' name I pray. AMEN.

Proverbs 31:30
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.

My baby Esther is growin' up... =(



I love the way my own kids talk.


My oldest baby girl singing in the shower...