Good question

A great friend asked me a great question that I did not answer very well. "Why does having natural birth matter so much?" After a week of reeeally thinking, I have two lists.

List one - these are NOT my reasons
1. a need to fulfill a feeling of natural birth - i used to think i needed to feel my babies coming out in order to feel like I've given birth. It is NOT about that.
2. to feel like "a real mom" - as if I am not already a real mom
3. that I am not a real woman until I go through labor - i have been through labor, just not the worst part of it yet - the transition and the crowning (hospital policy cut me short on time).
4. to prove to others that HBACs are possible - i don't need to prove anything to anybody although i will give glory and praise to God no matter if my HBAC is successful or not.
5. to prove to everyone that I can do it - I can't. I am scared. Not scared about labor but scared that there is a chance I'll return to the surgery table. I have been so traumatized. But the Lord will do what He will. Whatever it takes for us to obey Him, we - will - do.
6. I am just a crazy lady - well I don't think this is a valid reason and I don't care if others think that of me cuz this is my list. My identity is secure in Christ.

List two - these ARE the answers from my heart
1. Numero uno - this is the first and foremost reason in my heart - I love children and believe they are blessings from God. I know the Lord has been moving our hearts to have more children before adopting. I know He wants to bless us. My reason for such crazy ideas as HBAC is because we would love to have more children. C-sections limit the number of blessings for our family - not ideal.
2. C-sections have too many side effects. From the drugs, to the incision, and the scars inside and outside, and the muscles and tissues that are being cut, the muscles that need to be retrained and not to mention, the horror of surgery and hospital people not doing the right things. I have been terribly traumatized. (as much as you'd like to believe that hospitals are the safest places to have babies, guess again and research on it before making it a statement)
3. Faith - from the time we felt God telling us He is blessing us with more children, we have been bombarded with stories, bible verses, testimonies and convictions of faith. this one has been the most popular He has used, "If you have faith as small as mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, MOVE from here to there, and it WILL move." Matthew 17

"Don't you know the ridiculous risks?" Yes. My days are numbered anyhow but we are also not going to make a foolish decision just out of the blue. Our pregnancies were never accompanied with any complications - we are a perfect fit for VBACs. But we have lots to do to prepare for the HBAC. My body needs to be back in shape and my internal scar tissue needs to diminish. I need to emotionally and prayerfully prepare myself for another pregnancy, labor, and possible surgery. I have to get over my emotional trauma. We will have to find an HBAC experienced doula/midwife/obgyn/doctor whoever will take our case. I have to eat, exercise, and train my body to give birth (follow strict special instructions from midwives). We have to save up and plan our finances for this. And I can't wait, to meet and be blessed by our little ones. All things are possible for God. Apart from Him, we can do nothing! Nothing, nothing, nothing is impossible for Him. We will look up to Him for strength, reassurance, guidance, and wisdom. Not statistics, not man, not the world.

Lord, continue to work in us. Thank You for our wonderful children. They are Yours. Help us to raise them in Your ways. Give us perseverance, insight, wisdom, and faith. Shower them with Your grace, mercy, discernment, and love. We worship You Lord and only You alone we will serve forever and ever. AMEN.

Solid Rock

My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus’ blood and righteousness;
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
But wholly lean on Jesus’ name.

When darkness veils His lovely face,
I rest on His unchanging grace;
In every high and stormy gale,
My anchor holds within the veil.

His oath, His covenant, His blood
Support me in the whelming flood;
When all around my soul gives way,
He then is all my hope and stay.

When He shall come with trumpet sound,
Oh, may I then in Him be found;
Dressed in His righteousness alone,
Faultless to stand before the throne.

Refrain:
On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand;
All other ground is sinking sand,
All other ground is sinking sand.